Welcome to the Lounge

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And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth!

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Cruiser : I joined the army 'cause my father and my brother were in the army. I thought I'd better join before I got drafted.

Sergeant Hulka : Son, there ain't no draft no more.

Cruiser : There was one?

Mongol General: Conan! What is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies. See them driven before you. And to hear the lamentations of their women.

Cohen the Barbarian, The Light Fantastic - Wikipedia[^] :

The barbarian chieftain said: “What then are the
greatest things that a man may find in life?” This is the sort of thing you’re supposed to say to maintain steppecred in barbarian circles.

The man on his right thoughtfully drank his cocktail of mare’s milk and snowcat blood, and spoke thus: “The crisp horizon of the steppe, the wind in your hair, a fresh horse under you.”

The man on his left said: “The cry of the white eagle in the heights, the fall of snow in the forest, a true arrow in your bow.”

The chieftain nodded, and said: “Surely it is the sight of your enemy slain, the humiliation of his tribe and the lamentation of his women.”

There was a general murmur of whiskery approval at this outrageous display.
Then the chieftain turned respectfully to his guest, a small figure carefully warming his chilblains by the fire, and said: “But our guest, whose name is legend, must
tell us truly: What is it that a man may call the greatest things in life?”

The guest paused in the middle of another unsuccessful attempt to light up. “What shay?” he said, toothlessly.
“I said: What is it that a man may call the greatest things in life?”
The warriors leaned closer. This should be worth hearing.

The guest thought long and hard and then said, with deliberation: “Hot water, good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper.”