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i think reflective meditation is good for the soul
it's probably good for your code, too.
When I was growin' up, I was the smartest kid I knew. Maybe that was just because I didn't know that many kids. All I know is now I feel the opposite.
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As long as it ain't all smoke and mirrors. 
I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally!
JaxCoder.com
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Hope the Dotfuzzcator won't cause a lot of fuzz then 
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So without going into any particular clinical labels, I went mad in about 2016, following a massive psychotic event.
During one of those bouts of mania I had, I developed some parsing code.
This parsing code didn't survive a hard drive crash.
I no longer understand what I did.
I know if I went off meds I could solve it again.
But mania causes brain damage.
But if I don't, not solving this after having solved it will drive me mad in itself.
It's not really about having the code. It's about solving the problem to fill that need I think a lot of you can relate to.
But I can next-level what I'm able to understand when off meds. Overclocking my mind I guess, in a sense. It costs.
I don't want to do it. But I want to do it, you know?
When I was growin' up, I was the smartest kid I knew. Maybe that was just because I didn't know that many kids. All I know is now I feel the opposite.
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I personally would not advertise to anyone that you are mentally unstable. I have seen colleagues do this and it ruined their careers.
Some things are better left unsaid, especially on the internet.
Edit: just make sure you getting the help you need, when you need it. Please don't be a statistic. I have lost a few friends over the years to this type of stuff. If you are reaching out for help, then seek a professional, please.
modified 4-Apr-19 9:43am.
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I don't have a career in software anymore. I left the fold.
I dev on my own time now.
As far as me not talking about it, I have nothing to be ashamed of around it.
There's a stigma around it sure. I just don't care about that.
How people feel about it says more about them than me.
The truth about madness is as often as not, it is a mixed bag.
It has benefits and costs. I've seen things very few people have as a result of it.
The accidental clockwork of creation has unfolded for me. I can solve complex problems without thinking about them, breaking them down and analyzing them. They flow from me when I achieve an elevated state.
So it has its gifts. And its costs. It is what it is, to'evah/taboo around it or no.
When I was growin' up, I was the smartest kid I knew. Maybe that was just because I didn't know that many kids. All I know is now I feel the opposite.
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But then again, who can claim that he is totally mentally stable?
Quote: Here's to the crazy ones.
The misfits.
The rebels.
The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently.
They're not fond of rules.
And they have no respect for the status quo.
etc. etc.
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i'd upvote this more if i could.
enthusiastically cosigned.
When I was growin' up, I was the smartest kid I knew. Maybe that was just because I didn't know that many kids. All I know is now I feel the opposite.
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Thanks, I've got that taken care of. I'm in a really solid marriage of going on 10 years too, so I've got close up support.
I'm here just sharing. For starters, it's part of who I am, and I'm unafraid of talking about it, but it causes interesting problems. =)
It also brings me some gifts.
I've thought a lot about whether I would trade it or not. In the end it depends on the day.
When I was growin' up, I was the smartest kid I knew. Maybe that was just because I didn't know that many kids. All I know is now I feel the opposite.
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Internet is not really the best place to get medical advice from.
"It is easy to decipher extraterrestrial signals after deciphering Javascript and VB6 themselves.", ISanti[ ^]
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I'm not looking for advice. I'm just sharing.
When I was growin' up, I was the smartest kid I knew. Maybe that was just because I didn't know that many kids. All I know is now I feel the opposite.
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Github private repositories.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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wish I would have had that foresight in the throes of mania.
back then i was using an older copy of visual studio and i didn't have source control enabled on it.
now that i have 2017 i'm using the github extension
When I was growin' up, I was the smartest kid I knew. Maybe that was just because I didn't know that many kids. All I know is now I feel the opposite.
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Yeah, when you're deep in a coding frenzy, backups and source control are secondary considerations, because "code like this is too important to exist in more than one place". 
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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just shot coffee out of my nose, all over the damn place. sh*t. 
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You've already solved it - job done.
Think of it along the lines of say, an athletic achievement - maybe you did a four-minute mile when you were 20-something but now you're in your 40's or 50's or whatever it ain't gonna happen again. So what? No-one can ever take that 4 minute mile away from you.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. - Mark Twain
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I mean true. But I also want to use the code 
When I was growin' up, I was the smartest kid I knew. Maybe that was just because I didn't know that many kids. All I know is now I feel the opposite.
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I could never do a 4-minute mile... except on one occasion when I was being chased by a couple of guys with knives. I actually got away by jumping, leap-frog style, over a 10-foot wall! When I revisited the area I couldn't even get my hands on top of the wall. The power of adrenaline.
Now I am old and decrepit I would just stand there and get stabbed (again).
- I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
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I'm pretty sure that my most impressive athletic feat was a sprint assisted by a doberman - it's a pity that no-one was there to time it, it was FAST!
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. - Mark Twain
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I would definitely not recommend going off your meds without being under close medical supervision at the time; the possible damage isn't worth it.
As for the problem that you solved in the past, unless you need the solution now - why worry about it? If you do need the code (e.g. for some other project), I'm sure that having done it once, you could reconstruct it. It may take more time, but you'll get there in the end.
To paraphrase others in the thread, as we get older, we have at some stage to accept the fact that we have run our last 4-minute mile. Knowing that we once did it has to be good enough for us.
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows.
-- 6079 Smith W.
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I want the solution. I don't really need much. Food, shelter, that kind of thing.
But I want the solution now, and I have use for it.
So yeah, there's that.
I'm working on it right now. We'll see if I get there. It's just frustrating that I used to understand this, and it came so easily before.
When I was growin' up, I was the smartest kid I knew. Maybe that was just because I didn't know that many kids. All I know is now I feel the opposite.
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the harder you try and think about it the more frustrated you'll get.
simple case is like when you just can't remember someones name no matter how hard you try.
carry a notepad and pen/pencil around, often these things will come back when you're not actually thinking about it - worst is if it's a bit technical you've got no way to make notes.
for that later on in the day: "oh yeah, it's 'Bob,' that's that idiot's name." out of the blue moment.
Message Signature
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enjoy nature...watch the trees ...blowing in the breeze...they already found the answer to the answer to life, universe and everything - 42
Caveat Emptor.
"Progress doesn't come from early risers – progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things." Lazarus Long
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reminds me of the Tao of Programming
When I was growin' up, I was the smartest kid I knew. Maybe that was just because I didn't know that many kids. All I know is now I feel the opposite.
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