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cmkrnl wrote: I resigned when I literally was told that I was supposed to help them whenever they asked.
It is up to each of us to decide how much we allow others to disrespect our time. I found my limit. I recommend dealing with it effectively before it can harm you & your relations.
My sister pushed me over that limit when I asked her to sit and watch how I fixed a problem she kept running across a few years ago. She insisted I just fix it again whenever it happened and refused to try to sit and learn (and yes, it's the same sister who gave my name to that friend of hers).
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As the "computer guy" I got in the habit of telling people to bring their computer to my house to fix it. You'd be surprised how lazy people are in that they can't even be bothered to drop a computer off to be repaired for free. Got me out of 98% of requested repairs. 
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That much is a given nowadays, especially for complete strangers. Moreso when we're talking about a laptop. What I can't get out of is if they're incapable of setting up their wifi connection or printer or something like that...
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Just say "No". Have been in the business 30 years. A few close friends and immediate family only. Otherwise buy what ever is on sale or call my repair guy, Laptop Dave.
modified 1-Feb-19 12:34pm.
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I must act very patronizing to my family when they ask for help, so my family rarely asks. I didn’t think so, but the results speak for themselves. Most times, I have to volunteer something. I’ve also found that providing very detailed, step-by-step instructions can get people through a lot of things they would have otherwise been incapable of. My sister recently swapped the HDD for an SSD on her laptop based on instructions I emailed to her. She had one little problem but she and her hubby figured it out on their own. They were very proud of themselves for getting through it. Generating the instructions didn’t take much longer than actually doing it myself, since I didn’t have to sit around waiting for the disk clone to finish.
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I normally use the great technique of recommending only what I would buy and am comfortable supporting. Generally, these are relatively expensive, and almost no one EVER follows my recommendations. In return, when there are problems, "I would help had you followed my recommendation, but I don't know the technology you've chosen; sorry." 
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I like it.
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I don't think you're overreacting a bit. I've done exactly that - delivered, dropped off, or told them to pick up the computer at the agreed upon date without the recipient having stopped by to set up their user account, peripherals, and such. Only when it's family do I really try to adjust and coordinate and get it worked out.
I'm "the tech guy" at work and at home. At work we're on a 4-year refresh cycle for computers, and employees get first crack at buying their old office machines for a nominal sum and taking them home [after I reset them and wipe the free space on the drive]. Great deal for $25 bucks. But the office has a very clear policy on future support - Bob's not responsible for any help once it leaves the office. If I agree to help, it's on my own time.
It's only happened once that a now-home-machine came back. The employee had a sheepish look asking for help (No kidding She said, "my Dad goes weird places on the internet and now it doesn't work". The thing was totally riddled with viruses. "I don't get an antivirus?", I was asked. "Not for $25." I ended up resetting the machine from disk ("Where are all my Dad's files?" I answered, "The virus ate them. Tell your dad to get a different hobby. And, please don't bring this back into the office.")
I actually enjoy the work - something different everyday, but I have billable work to do and this kind of tech stuff takes a back seat.
- Bob
=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
Husband, father, veteran, hunter-gatherer, engineer,
welder, owner-builder, beekeeper, coffee roaster
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Actual outcome?
Had dinner at a restaurant with my folks yesterday evening and came back late; no phonecall, no follow-up, nothing. The laptop's still here (obviously), and I'm not gonna be the one calling her to enquire - but setting it up will be on my own schedule (some weekend, not a workday evening). She's gonna have to take it or leave it.
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Perfectly reasonable. 
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I think that you have some responsibility for this problem, though, unless things at her end have genuinely been screwed up by factors completely beyond her control (and she still owed you a phone call or other message if this is the case), she is certainly taking you for granted to an unacceptable degree. The one thing I would have done differently is to insist on making the appointment to do the local setup before taking the laptop home. If the two of you couldn't then come up with a mutually satisfactory date/time before your back to work deadline, I would either just have handed her the laptop or have set a time to drop it off after doing whatever you could and/or were prepared to do at your place, explaining in either case that she would need someone else to do the rest of the setup.
My family know that I will help them out (most of them are sufficiently computer savvy that the problems they run into are of some inherent interest!), but that I work for others only on a commercial basis.
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Awww...
What if her cat gave birth...
That's why she can't contact you.
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I found a friend who has a small garage shop and enjoys doing this kind of thing.
When I get asked I say “I mostly do software work, but I have this friend who is very reasonable and will do you a good job.”
Out comes his card, win, win, win, everyone happy.
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I don't think you're over-reacting, and after reading all of the replies and your's - well, you've already taken your action, so I'm not going to recommend anything else.
But for what it's worth, I used to be in this position with my wife's family and friends. She could see how it frustrated me, so now she just tells people that I don't do that kind of stuff, that I don't know anything about windows or macs, etc. Basically, she tells them I'm incompetent around computers, despite the fact that I owned my first computer and was coding in assembler back in the 1980s as a kid.
Anyhow - for a while she told them I only knew Linux, and nothing else; of course all that is a fat lie, because I can find my way around any system you plop me in front of (ok - I might have difficulties with an old Vaxen or Symbolics Lisp machine - never touched either outside of a museum). But if it's anything consumer related made in past 20 years, I'll probably not have a problem. Heck, even an Amiga or older 8-bit machines aren't entirely out of the question either.
But nope - all I know is Linux, stupid on anything else. But of course, now, I don't even know that (maybe I should have my wife tell 'em I only know TempleOS and it would be blasphemy to help unbelievers?)...
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No. But I bet if you go to her place, she won't be home.
"(I) am amazed to see myself here rather than there ... now rather than then".
― Blaise Pascal
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You are overreacting. While the person may be not tech-savy, this is still a mature functioning human being. Treat an adult like you're supposed to treat adults. Give all the facts (like you did) and expect the person to think about the situation and make a decision.
Separate technology from sociology.
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Member 9167057 wrote: Treat an adult like you're supposed to treat adults
Like having the courtesy of letting them know you won't be able to make an appointment with them within the next 2+ week window they've given you? Yeah, I agree with you.
Member 9167057 wrote: Separate technology from sociology.
I do, and have long concluded that people suck.
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I have read much of the thread (but not all of it). So it can be that you mentioned it already but perhaps that person is waiting for YOU to contact her. You are the specialist in her eyes so she doesn't want to bother you with "is it ready yet"-messages. Perhaps she misunderstood you when you said to call you when she had the time to finish the installation. People are not used to that kind of service any more
So instead of getting all frustrated, talk to her. This must the unique, once in a lifetime case where person A said something and person B misunderstood. Since you are a computer guy, you know that never ever happens. 
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There's always that possibility, but I had made it pretty clear to her I was gonna wait for her call, and--I forget her exact words, but her response indicated she understood.
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Then stop being angry and wait for said call. Or not. The thing is, why on earth do you think that you have to stand-by and jump up the moment the call comes? You're the one making trouble here, not her.
Here's how to solve this properly: Go on with whatever you're doing usually. When she calls, you still can look into your calendar and see when you have time. When she calls and asks questions on the phone, you still have the possibility to POLITELY decline if you're busy at the moment of the call.
Or maybe, just maybe, she figured stuff out. Maybe, just maybe, she knows that you don't owe her anything and doesn't want to bother you unless she really needs to.
Think about it, you're turning her not wanting to bother you into something negative. Why are you doing that?
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Member 9167057 wrote: Then stop being angry and wait for said call.
That's all I've been doing all along.
Member 9167057 wrote: The thing is, why on earth do you think that you have to stand-by and jump up the moment the call comes?
I have the annoying habit of going out of my way to be accommodating towards others who ask for my help. I like to help people solve their problems as soon as they ask for it. The first part's done, we got her that laptop; the next part is completing its setup, which has to be done at her place. I'm being left hanging.
Member 9167057 wrote:
Or maybe, just maybe, she figured stuff out. Maybe, just maybe, she knows that you don't owe her anything and doesn't want to bother you unless she really needs to.
Have you missed the part where I said I still have the laptop with me? It makes no sense to purchase a laptop and leave it with the guy who helped you picking it out. I simply want to get rid of it. If she had it, then I'd have no reason whatsoever to care.
Member 9167057 wrote: Think about it, you're turning her not wanting to bother you into something negative. Why are you doing that?
The negativity comes from the fact that I can't complete the work she needs me to do. I had the time over the holidays - right now, not so much. Can you not see why this can turn into a point of frustration?
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No, I can't see how this is turning into any frustration. You owe her nothing. Literally nothing. The way you're acting, you seem to expect her to call you anytime yelling at you, asking for you to do her bidding RIGHT FRIGGIN' NOW (or maybe next Saturday at 4 in the morning) and you seem to feel obliged to follow her bidding.
Again, you owe her nothing. Just put her laptop someplace (I don't believe that your place is so small, the space taken is the reason for frustration) and when she calls, talk to her like an adult human. When she asks you to do it RIGHT NOW, reply that you had time, she missed the window of opportunity and you have time to do that at [insert your preferred time here]. But she may just as well call and ask you when you'd have time, then you still can reply politely with a suggestion.
You're still making a problem where there's none. OMFG, there's someone else's laptop sitting on your shelf collecting dust. That's the only real issue there is in this situation. The rest is your own creation. Your habit to go out of your way to do stuff for others is the source of your frustration. Don't. Just don't. See it this way: If she really needed this all sorted out sooner than later, she would have called you. But she hasn't so she doesn't. But it's HER who needs help sorting things out, not you. If she doesn't need it sorted out, why do you even care?
You're not being left hanging. You're not waiting for anyone to do anything for you. You can just go on with your life as you did before. You don't have to wait for her call, you don't have to stand by pretending you're a firefighter. Just live on. When she calls, make an appointment when you have time. I repeat, when YOU have time, not her.
To put it in nerd speak, don't keep this whole topic paged in all the time. Page it out. Move the page file into a tape deck and archive the tape at the far away corner of the data center. Only when the topic is called for, then it makes sense to recall the page file from the tape and page the memory in. until then, keep it paged out, archived. Forget about it. Literally forget about it.
Well, that's unless you change places. When you move, then it would be rather polite to call her and ask WTF you're supposed to do with the laptop sitting on your shelf 3 years.
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Or do it my way - I stopped doing family and friends support as soon as my oldest son built his first PC; he's the support person now. I only work on my machines, and my wife's if necessary; everybody else gets referred to my son.
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<a href="https://www.codeproject.com/Lounge.aspx?msg=5585956#xx5585956xx">Reply</a> ain't directed at your particularly, but it very much applies.
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