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Funeral will be held tomorrow morning at 8:00, 8:05, 8:10 and 8:15!
Getting my coat already, calm down! 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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I credit my snooze alarm with my amazing ability to easily add 9 to any value in my head.
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Wow! 5 minute snoozes. My alarm only does 15 minutes. How is he supposed to get any final rest?
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Snooze is actually every nine minutes. If you're gonna try to be funny, use technically correct values so programmers don't get distracted by requirements and use cases.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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My clock can be set to 5 and 10 minutes snooze intervals. I've never figured out the reason for the 9 minutes... 
And how can you accuse me of trying to be funny when some poor bloke has just died? 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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You can google it, but I'll tell you.
Back in the 50's when "snooze" was invented, clocks had already long been standardized in terms of internal gears. To avoid significant redesign of pretty much every alarm clock on the planet, manufacturers could choose between just over nine minutes, or just over ten minutes. Someone somewhere did a study that found that snoozing for 10 minutes was enough time to fall back into a deeper sleep, so they chose nine minutes, assuming it would be a more pleasurable experience.
Nowadays, digital clocks can have their snooze time adjusted (like on the iPad, or your cel phone, for instance), but their default snooze times are still nine minutes.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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Johnny J. wrote: I've never figured out the reason for the 9 minutes...
Apparently...
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Unguided missiles such as Ed Shaver, E.G. Horn and Uba Laya perhaps. (16, 2 words)
98.4% of statistics are made up on the spot.
modified 23-Oct-17 10:49am.
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So is it two words 16,2 ?
We can’t stop here, this is bat country - Hunter S Thompson RIP
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It's two words totaling 16 chars (it's actually 8,8 if anyone prefers it that way).
98.4% of statistics are made up on the spot.
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Traditionally, that would be "(8, 8)" not "16, 2 words".
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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It depends entirely on the publication - The Times would use (8,8) whereas The Spectator would use (16, two words).
98.4% of statistics are made up on the spot.
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Actually The Spectator would use "(16 two words)". See 21 October issue, page 59. 
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So it does. maybe it's Inquisitor that uses my format.
98.4% of statistics are made up on the spot.
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A.N.Tam and Lymouth Rock could also be examples.
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Im running round like a headless chicken here
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leghorn
cubalaya
Are types of Chicken - without their heads.
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They are, indeed.
The other one, in the highly unlikely event that anyone was wondering, is a red shaver.
98.4% of statistics are made up on the spot.
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Oh good grief.
HEADLESS CHICKENS?
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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Yes but youre over an hour late. See above.
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That's why the "Good grief" and the question mark. If you hadn't got it, I would never have.
You won, and are up tomorrow as far as I'm concerned!
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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@User-10476399 you won on Friday!
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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Ah! So I did ... bear with me while I think of something.
98.4% of statistics are made up on the spot.
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How many letters?
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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It is obviously 6! (![Java | [Coffee]](https://codeproject.global.ssl.fastly.net/script/Forums/Images/coffee.gif) )
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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