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:thud: :thud: :thud:
Please somebody help me counting layers.... 
"When you don't know what you're doing it's best to do it quickly"- SoMad
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This is an actual Cover Letter I received in response to a job posting for an experienced Web/Java Application Developer position...
Should I hire this guy to see how quickly he gets "quite fatigued by the repitition of coding exercises"?
Recruiting or Hiring Official:
Let me start off by saying that my degree in English can be a bit misleading. I imagine that it suggests that my writing skills are more than acceptable for most tasks; in that regard, it gives the correct impression. I also imagine that it suggests that I also have a high familiarity with various forms of literature; in that regard, it’s a bit less meaningful. Certainly, I have read a good deal of literature, but I have no particular specialization on the subject, and it’s definitely not why I ended up with a degree in English.
Instead, the aspects of my degree that are more relevant are those that require close attention to detail, analytical thinking, and cohesive argument-building using logic and organization. In fact, I started off my college career as a Computer Science major before realizing (quite belatedly after two years) that a number of factors made the major a poor fit. So instead of resigning myself to a career in programming — that I eventually learned “Computer Science” was an analogy for; that I had been studying since I was a high school freshman; that I was slowly being driven mad by debugging sessions; and that I was becoming quite fatigued by the repetition of coding exercises — I decided to fall back on my naturally strong aptitude for written language.
In hindsight, it might have been better to transition over to something still in the realm of information technology and services, but that didn’t occur to me at the time. I think my existing frustrations with the Computer Science program discouraged me from putting myself in a potentially similar scenario. That’s a bit of a shame, since I wonder how I would have fared in a more hardware-oriented learning environment or an environment related to software application but not design. For example, I’m still very quick about picking up software-usage skills (I’m working on practicing some SQL at the moment; it seems a competency in high demand among employers), and have built and maintained multiple computers on a home network (that’s what happens when you’re the most tech-savvy person around; I suspect my knowledge of hardware roughly equates to A+ certification, but I’ve never had a reason to be tested and maintain certification).
So at this point, I have a skill set very much in search of a purpose. I’ve never really had a specific career in mind, which is why I’m flexible about the specifics of the work I do — though I would prefer to put some of my particular competencies to good use, even if it is my more abstract abilities (critical thinking, problem solving, effective written communication, etc.) To that end, I try to be understanding about the hiring process from an employer’s point of view, and open-minded and flexible about potential hiring necessities (probationary periods, contract work, and potential temp-to-hire opportunities) to offset any perceived risk as the result of my admittedly somewhat limited employment history. I have complete confidence that, if given the opportunity, any investment a company or agency makes in me will result in exceptional returns with regards to performance.
Thank you for your time,
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Quote: I have a skill set very much in search of a purpose
Priceless 
"Religion is the most malevolent of all mind viruses." - Arthur C. Clarke
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Procrastination is the answer.
Wrong is evil and must be defeated. - Jeff Ello
(√-sh*t) 2
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Member 11323763 wrote: decided to fall back on my naturally strong aptitude for written language.
1. Who told you that you had a strong aptitude for written language? Mother?
2. Don't quit your day job.
3. Don't call us, we'll call you.
Member 11323763 wrote: that didn’t occur to me at the time
Lack of foresight. A weakness.
Member 11323763 wrote: I’m working on practicing some SQL
"...working on practicing..."
Let's see I'm beginning to think about trying a little practice of sql.
Weakly worded for someone with strong aptitude in writing.
Try: I'm learning SQL now.
Desperation speaks louder than words and creates quite long cover letters. 
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
---
The metaphorical solid rear-end expulsions have impacted the metaphorical motorized bladed rotating air movement mechanism.
---
Do questions with multiple question marks annoy you???
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What's my letter doing here. And why is it made fun off? 
I thought it was a good read at least
My blog[ ^]
public class SanderRossel : Lazy<Person>
{
public void DoWork()
{
throw new NotSupportedException();
}
}
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Member 11323763 wrote: Should I hire this guy to see how quickly he gets "quite fatigued by the repitition of coding exercises"?
Hire ? No !
As an act of Holiday Season kindness you might refer them to a local community mental health center, but check with your lawyers first, and be prepared to be stalked, harassed, etc.
«OOP to me means only messaging, local retention and protection and hiding of state-process, and extreme late-binding of all things. » Alan Kay's clarification on what he meant by the term "Object" in "Object-Oriented Programming."
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How can you hire (or interview) someone when they have clearly stated they don't know what they want to do as a career. What role would you be interviewing them for?
For someone who claims to have good communication skills, this is a very poor covering letter. It doesn't tell us anything useful. It is dull and verbose and I'd drop it straight in the bin.
"There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult." - C.A.R. Hoare
Home | LinkedIn | Google+ | Twitter
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"Web/Java Application Developer Cover Letter"
"So instead of resigning myself to a career in programming"
Their written English may be passable, however their reading ability needs some work.
“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”
― Christopher Hitchens
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Member 11323763 wrote: I suspect my knowledge of hardware roughly equates to A+ certification, but I’ve never had a reason to be tested and maintain certification
Excellent.
Elephant elephant elephant, sunshine sunshine sunshine
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10600 lines of PHP.
Not a single class. Just a single endless function.
Countless parameters provide the only noticable structure:
if(isset($somemeaninglessvariable))
{
}
if(isset($someothermeaninglessvariable))
{
}
The purpose of that thing: To provide the data access and something like application logic for an entire web application.
The last line:
return $result;
I don't want to know what happens if somebody would try to break this up into separate functions, not expecting the dependencies inside this little monstrosity.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
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And yet, it works 
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That's what they all say, until one day a minor change lets the whole thing collapse.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
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Ya, been there, done that 
I use this add on to Visual Studio, VS.PHP...comes in handy for close encounters
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CDP1802 wrote:
Enjoy the spaghetti while it lasts...nom nom...
Zen and the art of software maintenance : rm -rf *
Maths is like love : a simple idea but it can get complicated.
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1) Copy it all onto a floppy.
2) Attach plastic fangs.
3) Use as a Frisbee.
Et voilà! Your very own Flying Spaghetti Monster!
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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The FSM is a lie! All hail Jibbers Crabst[^]! 
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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Kill it! Kill it with fire!
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
---
The metaphorical solid rear-end expulsions have impacted the metaphorical motorized bladed rotating air movement mechanism.
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Although you're talking about someones money, it would be the only rational reaction. Whatever has been invested into it should be considered wasted.
Bastard Programmer from Hell 
If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^]
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Very true, but this older application is in line to be replaced by a completely new one. First big thing in the coming year.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
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Well... Good luck in figuring out what it currently does
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Gladly, but I actually had to revive it a second time today. Being an interpreter, PHP does not know it's dead until it stumbles over an error in the code. And then this particular work of art simply died without any error message or anything. And then go ahead and find the little typo.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
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:cringe:
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
---
The metaphorical solid rear-end expulsions have impacted the metaphorical motorized bladed rotating air movement mechanism.
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