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Yeah Riley is pretty close to the perfect woman, beautiful, clever and funny.
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Wow - still going!
We left the UK 19 years ago. It used to be my late afternoon cup of tea excuse!
Life is like a s**t sandwich; the more bread you have, the less s**t you eat.
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I used to watch it in my school days sometimes. And in boring lessons a few of us would use our calculators to generate random Numbers Game challenges instead of listening to the class. I'm not very good at the word ones though, I usually get 5 or 6 and watching the real thing was a bit disillusioning when they were on 8 and 9 every time!
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1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. Just couldn't concentrate.
2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, But just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
4. Next, I tried working in Starbucks, But I had to quit because it was the same old grind.
5. Then, I tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.
6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it.... I couldn't cut the mustard.
7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.
8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience.
9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.
10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.
11. I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
12.. So then I got a job in a Workout Centre, but they said I wasn't fit for the job...
13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it..
14. My last job was when I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT
AND I FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
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Here are a couple of coats. 
The good thing about pessimism is, that you are always either right or pleasently surprised.
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Luckily you did not try to be a stripper, you would've gotten tired of the same old thong and dance.
As a butcher you wouldn't have made the cut.
If you try to be a pilot just do not be a loner as flying a drone will just become too remote.
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1. It wasn't appealing?
2. You didn't fancy branching out?
3. A dress code issue perhaps?
4. Trouble brewing?
5. Sage wisdom, you have to be really good to make a mint!
6. Did you weigh the alternatives?
7. So you couldn't stave off the inevitable?
8. It does take a lot of practice!
9. You didn't last!
10. You didn't angle for a raise?
11. The floating workforce is a problem, drowning in college students!
12. Not enought training and it can be a strain!
13. That's all in the past!
14. You reasons were manifold, I'm sure!
I join you next April (retirement!)
Life is like a s**t sandwich; the more bread you have, the less s**t you eat.
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I've been retired many times.
Actually I was tired before and am tired again. And so are my cars.
CQ de W5ALT
Walt Fair, Jr., P. E.
Comport Computing
Specializing in Technical Engineering Software
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I wish you a Happy Onam to all 
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Thanks a lot Rajesh!! Wish you the same..Have a nice day!!
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Namaskarm, Sri Francis,
And, a happy Onam to you. I have been fascinated by this festival of the yearly (temporary) return of the Asura King Mahabali from his exile in the "underworld" by Vishnu for several reasons, not alone for the fact that it is part of a world-wide corpus of "eternal return" sacred traditions, most often connected with the seasons of the year, fertility, etc.
Some scholars assert the Mahabali tradition is pre-Aryan in origin, transformed, in the usual manner of cultural assimilation, during later Aryan dominance: other scholars claim that the difference between the "MahaBali" cultural identify in Kerala and the northern Indian cultural identify of King Mahabali of the Asuras who collaborated with the Devas in the "churning of the great ocean" to make amritsa, related to the slaying of Rahu, etc., reflects a difference between Indo-Aryan ancient settlers of India, and Irano-Aryan ancient settlers of India.
Unfortunately, the one month I was in Kerala, in 1976, was May, so I missed this festival, but that month in Kerala was a wonderful high-point of my year in India on a Graduate Fellowship from UC Berkeley (Social Sciences). The Indian academic director of the program I was on was from Kerala, and we became best friends, and still communicate.
I always smile when I think of Kerala because, as I remember my time there, Keralites were so friendly to me, and had the most beautiful smiles of any people I had met
cheers, Bill
“I have diligently numbered the days of pure and genuine happiness which have fallen to my lot: They amount to 14.” Abd-Ar Rahman III, Caliph of Cordoba, circa 950CE.
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Namaskarm, Sri Bill,
First of all I would like to thank you for wishing me on this special occasion. This is the only festival we celebrate as religion free festival and this is the only festival that Keralites all over the world will gather around and celebrate (most of them will reach Kerala if possible). I am so excited to see my dear friends who is abroad and will come to Kerala this time.
Thank you again,
cheers Rajesh
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BFF[^] 
Once you lose your pride the rest is easy.
I would agree with you but then we both would be wrong.
The report of my death was an exaggeration - Mark Twain
Simply Elegant Designs JimmyRopes Designs
I'm on-line therefore I am.
JimmyRopes
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That is absolutely HORRIFIC! It is a tragedy, nay a sin! Punishable by death! What did the poor lettuce do to have been mistreated like that. What happens to Lettuce' rights! Shame on you
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Why Does Bacon Smell So Good?[^]
Off to fry up some bacon. 
Once you lose your pride the rest is easy.
I would agree with you but then we both would be wrong.
The report of my death was an exaggeration - Mark Twain
Simply Elegant Designs JimmyRopes Designs
I'm on-line therefore I am.
JimmyRopes
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All I heard was blah blah blah crack...
New version: WinHeist Version 2.1.0 Beta
Have you ever just looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning but the hamster was dead?
Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9.
I'm not crazy, my reality is just different than yours!
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In my opinion it smells like being in a public restroom in a underground railway station - a harsh, yellow and greasy environment. The only advantage of bacon is that it can transform a piece of non-transparent paper into a transparent one just by rubbing it all over. You just have to rub my meat hard baby!
Michael Pauli
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Michael Pauli wrote: You just have to rub my meat hard baby!
You have obviously been frequenting public restrooms in a underground railway stations. 
Once you lose your pride the rest is easy.
I would agree with you but then we both would be wrong.
The report of my death was an exaggeration - Mark Twain
Simply Elegant Designs JimmyRopes Designs
I'm on-line therefore I am.
JimmyRopes
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Because Leslie[^] said so.
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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I must have been the only one to have missed that! 
Once you lose your pride the rest is easy.
I would agree with you but then we both would be wrong.
The report of my death was an exaggeration - Mark Twain
Simply Elegant Designs JimmyRopes Designs
I'm on-line therefore I am.
JimmyRopes
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I was setting up my camera last night to do some time-lapse photos of the night sky.
Saw a shooting star - and was really annoyed at myself for not having the camera ready! But the star didn't disappear after a second or two - it got brighter...
And it landed - in the woods behind our house - seriously!
I ran and jumped over the fence - and there in the middle of the trees was, well, a flying saucer - there's no other way of describing it.
It was metal by the looks of it, certainly ticking with heat. It was dark so I could only really see a silhouette - no glowing lights here.
There was a noise - and an alien - yep - seriously - an alien walked out, walked up to me and spoke. (I was wondering if I had time to dash back and get my camera but was too scared to leave in case it went away!)
Anyway - it spoke quite clearly, in slightly muffled English. It told me a bunch of stuff I won't go into, but didn't respond when I spoke at all.
When it finished what it was saying, it turned, marched back to the 'saucer' which then took off - vertically and all but silently, into the night.
I went back this morning, and there's no sign of, well, anything at all! Not even a scorched leaf that I can see (I marked the spot by laving my jumper there, so I know exactly where it was)
Astonishing.
PooperPig - Coming Soon
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You wouldn't happen to have been licking some toxic frogs yesterday, have you?
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Hi Dave,
If he denies frogs, we might want to ask about toads ?
cheers, Bill
“I have diligently numbered the days of pure and genuine happiness which have fallen to my lot: They amount to 14.” Abd-Ar Rahman III, Caliph of Cordoba, circa 950CE.
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Sure! Maybe even mushrooms.
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