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Thirty for the road:
- I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
- When chemists die, they barium.
- Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
- I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
- How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
- I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
- At the hospital they told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
- A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.
- Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
- Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory - I hope there's no pop quiz.
- News flash: Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery.
- The old man didn't like his beard at first. Then it grew on him.
- Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
- When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
- What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
- I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
- Broken pencils are pointless.
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
- England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
- I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
- News flash: All toilets in New York's police stations stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
- I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
- Velcro - what a rip off!
- News flash: Cartoonist found dead in home. Details sketchy.
- Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
- News flash: Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.
- I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
I'll get my coat.
/ravi
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I liked these more than I should. 
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Entropy isn't what it used to.
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Ravi Bhavnani wrote: Velcro - what a rip off!
I just heard that the inventor of velcro has died. RIP! 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Ravi Bhavnani wrote: What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
Clickety[^]
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I've heard a lot of them before but liked this one best.
New version: WinHeist Version 2.1.0 Beta
Have you ever just looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning but the hamster was dead?
Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9.
I'm not crazy, my reality is just different than yours!
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Funny puns. If you could be considered the king of puns and judging by the weather we have here, let's hope tomorrow won't be another reigny day 
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RUs123 wrote: let's hope tomorrow won't be another reigny day
That would be the crowning touch. 
/ravi
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You drama queen you! 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-----
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Did your hear about the Italian Chef that died? He pasta way!
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-----
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Ravi Bhavnani wrote: I'll get my coat.
No need for the coat its 50 degree out side ![Java | [Coffee]](https://codeproject.global.ssl.fastly.net/script/Forums/Images/coffee.gif)
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It's all a matter of degree.
/ravi
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I think that everyone who starts a programming question from "I am new to" is a moron.
Maybe I need to stop answering programming questions. I will only ask them, my preferred start is "Hi guys I have googled a lot but".
Any answer to this post that starts from "I am new to" will not be downvoted, because this is an answer and not a question.
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Sorry, I am new to the Lounge. Can anyone please tell me how to reply to a post, especially with that "Joke" icon?
Thanks in advance. 
Whether I think I can, or think I can't, I am always bloody right!
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"Sorry, I am new to" does not count. Sorry.
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Alex Fr wrote: I think that everyone who starts a programming question from "I am new to" is a moron.
Harsh and unfair. Suppose I were to put "I am new to Haskell and while I have read a fair bit about the use of Monads in Haskell, I am unable to get the following nullity check working (I've tried the various online sources and have Googled for answers, but they all require a certain level of knowledge that I don't have right now - for instance, this link looked promising, but it left me behind when it told me that all I need to do was groop my glurblecruncheon). Given this small sample that illustrates the issue I'm having with this Monad, could you point me towards the reason that x is using a null value when this check indicates that it shouldn't".
Does that make me a moron, or does it illustrate that I have a clear knowledge of my limitations in this subject and that I have tried to find answers but now I'm stuck.
Generalisations are always a bad idea.
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Pete O'Hanlon wrote: Generalisations are always a bad idea.
I'm with you on that! Hate it!
I'm not questioning your powers of observation; I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is. (V)
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Generalisations are always a bad idea. Kind of generalisation?
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No! 'Always' is a term of time and by the nature of time you can not group all the 'always' together, where generalization IS grouping together by ignoring individuality...
I'm not questioning your powers of observation; I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is. (V)
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Kornfeld Eliyahu Peter wrote: where generalization IS grouping together by ignoring individuality..
I think you're generalizing.
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Entropy isn't what it used to.
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No. I'm only ignore individuality...
I'm not questioning your powers of observation; I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is. (V)
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Generally, I'd agree with you!
Life is like a s**t sandwich; the more bread you have, the less s**t you eat.
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Pete O'Hanlon wrote: Generalisations are always a bad idea.
Yeah! People who generalize are always so... wait a minute. 
I do tend to agree that an admission of ignorance followed by the I tried this or that method that I found on Google sets the level of your understanding. I know I have come across some awful answers that only left me with more questions because the assumption is that you should be be at a certain level of expertise to start with. This is sometimes the difficult part because you don't really know how much the person with question really knows. Their statement of ignorance can set the frame of how thorough your answer needs to be.
It was broke, so I fixed it.
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