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I remember the old "If General Motors had a help desk" schtick. One that has always stuck with me:
GM: You've reached the GM help desk. This is John, how can I help?
User: I just got one of your cars, and I can't get it started!
GM: What have you done so far?
User: (Gives rambling 5 minute story involving a shotgun, a case of beer, and a feral cat.)
GM: Ok, I think I see your problem. First, sit in the driver seat, behind the wheel. Then put the key into the ignition. Put your right foot on the brake and turn the key forward until the engine turns on....
User: Wait, wait! Key? Ignition? Brake? Why do I need this technical jargon to use your product? Other clips include the user who ran out of gas and complained about needing to keep paying out good money to use the car, and the guy who wrapped his car around a tree and demanded that the manufacturer either fix it or give him -- for free, of course -- a version that doesn't crash.
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I always explain it thusly:
The User Is The Enemy
After all, we all learn to code defensively - and one need only defend against ones enemies.
| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error." - Weisert | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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Short and good text formatting; I'm now required to agree by Laws of the Interblag #4150.
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Lusers gonna luse.
emartinho wrote: When the mechanic tells them to check their oil in their car, do they say "well I'm not a mechanic/car expert"?
It's not actually like that, though. Who the heck checks their own oil? That's what you're paying the mechanic for.
It's as if the mechanic had to clean the windshield and then tells the owner "you know you can press this button to get some wiper fluid, right?" and owner would say "huh no, I don't know and I don't want to know".
You know, absolute basic stuff that you have no excuse not to know if you've ever driven a car / used a computer.
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If a mechanic told me to change my oil by:
1. take the pan for the old oil, crawl under the car, and place the pan under the oil-release valve
2. then: crawl-out, and turn off the engine
3. then: crawl back under the car, and open the oil-release valve
I might well say to her: "I'm not really a mechanic, you know."
“There are obvious things, and there are many obvious things no one tried, because no one needed to try them.” Sergey Alexandrovich Kryukov, January 1, 2014
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I cant answer since i'm not a User because i don't do drugs.
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How do you know my wife?
Seriously, I STILL haven't gotten her to use Alt-Tab to switch between applications and it's only been a part of Windows since before our 21 year old daughter was born. On the occasion when I remind her, she uses both hands, the right hand on the right Alt key and the left hand for the Tab and it's a simultaneous click and release like it will electrocute her if she keeps her hands on the keyboard, which may or may not be the right application.  (Me, "You have to hold down the Alt key and then press Tab until you get to the one you want.")
"Where did it go I can't find it!" A statement said about many different things, application windows, websites when she has multiple tabs open, documents she wants to email(Me, "Where did you save it?" Her, "I don't know I just hit save.")
I love my wife, I love my wife, I love my wife. 
Truly I could not live without her.
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Oh My Goodness. This is soooo my house.
To err is human to really mess up you need a computer
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Another common occurrence, she is on her laptop and wants to print. Printer is attached to an old Vista machine (It works and I'm cheap. Don't want to hear about it.)
Label1:
Her, "Why won't it print?"
Me, "Have you attached to the machine?"
Her, "Oh yeah. . . How do I do that again?"
Me(for the 4358th time), "Start button, Computer, Network, <machine name>, double click. Login"
Her, "How do I login in?"
Me, "User name, your name. Password, your name, properly capitalized." (Assumed that was something that would be easy to remember, you see what I get for assuming.)
Two hours later, GOTO Label1;
To be fair, I haven't had to do the login step in a good while.
In every other area of life my wife is a very competent person.
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As much as I want to agree with you and complain, my wife showed me a new feature on the TV remote that I didn't know existed. Even with her instruction, I probably won't remember as I don't watch that much TV. As long as I can turn it on, change volume and channel, I'll eventually get where I want to be.
Hogan
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And then there are the ones who blithely assure you they have done what you asked. Case in point, just yesterday user calls and says they've got a particular error (which we know is a sound card driver issue which requires a reboot to clear).
Me: "You'll need to restart your PC."
User: "I've logged out and in again already."
Me: "No, log off AND RESTART YOUR PC. Then log in again."
User: "Oh, OK."
User: Calls back 2 minutes later. "OK, I did that and it still gives that error."
Me: "Right, I'll come and sort it out."
Go to user's PC, check event log. No the PC has not been restarted. Restart, error resolved. Moron.
If your neighbours don't listen to The Ramones, turn it up real loud so they can.
“We didn't have a positive song until we wrote 'Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue!'” ― Dee Dee Ramone
"The Democrats want my guns and the Republicans want my porno mags and I ain't giving up either" - Joey Ramone
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Mark H2 wrote: Moron.
more likely a user who is used to being told to restart the PC only to find the error hasn't gone away at all and that the help desk is just doing the standard 'try restarting it' schtick
MVVM # - I did it My Way
___________________________________________
Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011
.\\axxx
(That's an 'M')
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I know them well, but this particular error is in the app's documentation.
My workplace is staffed wall to wall with people who seem unable to follow simple instructions or accurately report what is visible on the screen before their eyes. 
Although I have to give it to my example, he did report the error accurately. 
If your neighbours don't listen to The Ramones, turn it up real loud so they can.
“We didn't have a positive song until we wrote 'Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue!'” ― Dee Dee Ramone
"The Democrats want my guns and the Republicans want my porno mags and I ain't giving up either" - Joey Ramone
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emartinho wrote: When the mechanic tells them to check their oil in their car, do they say "well I'm not a mechanic/car expert"?
I certainly would! In fact I already had my license when I found out a car had oil even though it drives on something else! Only because a rented car was leaking oil... Luckily I was not the one who had to do anything about it!
And whenever I need to do something around the house involving screws, planks, nails, hammers, etc. I just don't.
Luckily we have experts for those kind of things so I don't have to know everything myself.
Imagine calling a doctor and him saying "Now stick your finger up your prostate and feel around. What's a prostate and how do you feel it? Sheesh! Is it too much to expect someone who uses his body on a regular basis to actually know something about it!?" 
It's an OO world.
public class Sander : Lazy<Person>{
public void DoWork(){ throw new NotImplementedException(); }
}
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Lucky you. The beater I learned to drive on needed weekly topup's of oil (almost a quart the thirsty POS), coolant, and power steering fluid (although my dad used transmission fluid for the latter because it was cheaper). Other beaters I drove before I could afford better needed break fluid checked weekly (to make sure it wasn't getting worse) and topped off at least once a month because of a hairline crack in the master cylinder, and a can of AC coolant every other month because of a slow leak that was too slow for leak finding dye and/or somewhere the dye wouldn't stick/show. Now the only maintenance I do is to top up the oil and tire pressure and to replace a few tail light bulbs (I refuse to pay someone $20 to spend 5 minutes turning giant wing nuts to pop in a $2 bulb).
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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I teach my grandma to turn off the computer,open a browser ( yeah a browser, not the IE  ) and some other few things! Now I am the top expert of computers, I can solve anything, that is what she thinks about me
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The problem is "navigate" ... too many syllables for your user.
Syllables are to the brain
as cholesterol is to the vein.
(I know it makes no medical sense, but it rhymes!)
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I feel your pain!
OTOH, what percentage of car owners do you think check their oil levels on anything resembling a regular basis (my guess is substantially less than 50%), and what percentage of the remainder would even know how to do so? Ignorance is not confined to the IT sphere!
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If users knew what they do, I would be out of job... 
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EM,
You have it wrong...
If your mechanic told you it might be the settings on your MAF Sensor, to navigate to that,
and see if it is adjusted for high altitudes... You might balk too! (Because, everyone knows
that on your model of vehicle, you can get the Heads Up display in diagnostics mode by Opening the door,
3 times, with the key in the ignition, and one foot on the gas and brake, DUH...)
"Navigate to your document" ROTFLMAO.
From the user perspective: I have a 100GB HD, I have 675,000 files on it, and I KNOW I did not put more than 100 of them there. And since the LAST TECH IDIOT downloaded something in IE, I cannot find ANYTHING when I download it. How the heck does he expect me to find this ONE friggin document???
On the other hand:
With explorer open, right click on the document and choose "Open with Word"
Yes, I too had to learn to SLOW DOWN and listen more. I also build a GoToMeeting link into my software, and have them click on that, and give me control, so I don't shot them, because I don't
have time to walk them through a 5 minute task that will take them an HOUR with me directing them.
Andy why did I build the link into the software? Because I value my time and theirs!
Anyways, when you feel frustrated, they feel frustrated. So do what you do best. Find an easier way.
That is what I did in the end. Some users, no problem. But I Can quickly tell when a user feels helpless, and I offer to do it through remote control. Oh, and I take the time to tell them that the reason I use GTM is that it is safer than software that always gives access to me, this way, they have to be in front of the computer for me to connect and see their scree (which they have to agree to). That helps put them at ease.
Either you get paid to handle this, in which case, take the time to make it enjoyable.
Or this is costing you money because it is free support, in which case, take the time to make it stop,
or make it really quick and easy.
HTH
Kirk Out!
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I saw a clip on the news last night where in the US, to demonstrate it's getting pretty chilly, they threw some boiling water in the air only to have it fall to earth as snow.
Like a scene out of the dismal 'Day after tomorrow'.
Really? So it's going to drop 100c in a second and also dissipate it's latent heat to solidify in the space of a second flat in air - a very good heat insulator?
I'm having a very hard time accepting this. What says the CodeProject community?
Regards,
Rob Philpott.
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Quote: What says the CodeProject community?
Yes, it has been very cold.
There are only 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
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True, It's not a new experiment.
Remember that when you throw water, it will disperse in relatively small droplets and those will freeze quickly (and the steam coming out of it will hide the rest of the water not freezing).
I'd rather be phishing!
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MMMmmm, You are on to something but not totally I seem to remember a friend of mine (in Norway doing the same thing with non-boiling water the smaller droplets froze out right, the larger ones the surface froze and shattered(!) when it hit the ground, causing smaller droplets that froze and repeated the process until it just ran out of energy! and froze!. Too bloomin cold for me!! 
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