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LabVIEWstuff wrote: possibly Woody Allen
Sacrilege!
It was Milligan!
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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You beat me to it well and truly, but I take consolation I solved it as well. First one in yonks.
If there is one thing more dangerous than getting between a bear and her cubs it's getting between my wife and her chocolate.
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DD getting it wrong the first time helped, strangely! 
The only instant messaging I do involves my middle finger.
English doesn't borrow from other languages.
English follows other languages down dark alleys, knocks them over and goes through their pockets for loose grammar.
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It was the 'umble word I latched onto and that steered me to the answer before the anagram itself.
It also reminded me of Uriah Heep's album Very 'eavy Very 'umble that I had in the 70s.
If there is one thing more dangerous than getting between a bear and her cubs it's getting between my wife and her chocolate.
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Would you walk into the Vatican and shout "Jesus was a con-man!"?
Would you walk to the mountain and shout "Mohammed was a couch potato!"?
You can expect a world of trouble, fella.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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No!
I don't speak Idiot - please talk slowly and clearly
"I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. Fcuk!"
Driven to the arms of Heineken by the wife
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Speaking as someone with two kids... No.
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Speaking as someone with no kids... No. 
If there is one thing more dangerous than getting between a bear and her cubs it's getting between my wife and her chocolate.
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It can harm their ability to find women who agree to date them, especially if beer is also involved, but it definitely does not harm fertility.
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Do not feed the troll ! - Common proverb
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Bill has one hundred rashers of bacon and eats fifteen of them. What does Bill have now?
Happiness. Bill has happiness.
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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Shirley more bacon and less people would be a good thing?
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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That's why I have two rashers to be safe.
speramus in juniperus
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If it's true it's a blessing in disguise!! All worries gone 
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A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure. He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out. The genie said: "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double." The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion." The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions. The man said "I would like a million dollars." The genie again granted his wish and his ex-wife got two million dollars. Then the man said, "Scare me half to death."
/ravi
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Ravi Bhavnani wrote: Then the man said,
[edit]I want a divorce where I have to give all my money and housing to my spouse.[/edit]
Note the precise wording of "spouse".
Marc
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Hmmm, I am not sure you should leave too much up to interpretation. Those genies can be pretty unreliable... 
Soren Madsen
"When you don't know what you're doing it's best to do it quickly" - Jase #DuckDynasty
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[let's-ruin-the-joke-completely-by-commenting-it-as-if-it-mattered]
Does not "ex-wife" imply he is already divorced ?
[/let's-ruin-the-joke-completely-by-commenting-it-as-if-it-mattered]
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Do not feed the troll ! - Common proverb
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Ah, that explains "ex-lax".
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Marc Clifton wrote: Note the precise wording of "spouse".
Along those lines, I had been thinking -- "I'd like my ex-spouse to get a million dollars" etc.
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Not terrible, but I think I would have opted for a more pleasant way to be pushed half way to being dead. Something not KSS. 
Soren Madsen
"When you don't know what you're doing it's best to do it quickly" - Jase #DuckDynasty
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Well, my alteration to the punchline at least leaves the wife alive. But what I can't figure out is, does the man end up with the 2 mansions and the $2 mil, or does the wife have to give him double of what she has, therefore $4M and 4 mansions. Still, seems like she ends up alive with 1 mansion and $1m. And I need to go to bed, this is absurd.
Marc
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Nice one! Where did you say this cave was?
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He should have asked for a 14 inch chocolate as the 3rd wish.
[modified for KSS friendliness]
"Real men drive manual transmission" - Rajesh.
modified 15-Oct-13 3:18am.
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If God had meant us to use Twitter, he'd have __________________________________________
A virtual prize for the most amusing answer IMO
Feel free to use the negative (i.e. he wouldn't have ...)
MVVM # - I did it My Way
___________________________________________
Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011
.\\axxx
(That's an 'M')
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