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(In US)
My loan of less than $2000 was paid immediately by money from my first few months of paychecks. In highschool I had graduated second in my class and received scholarship money to attend a state university that was number #1 in the area for Computer Science. The scholarships paid for a lot of the tuition. I worked to pay for dorm and living expenses. I was extrmemly fortunate to have such a little loan to pay off. It was important to me to be debt-free. I had been accepted to Dartmouth, Carnegie-Mellon, etc, but the state school provided me with a great education for a lot cheaper.
Now for the "different perspective"- my stepdaughter wants to go to the most expensive school her parents can afford. My husband and I are providing enough money for tuition so she could attend a state school, but that is not good enough (she does not want to attend a state school, which is fine, but it's up to her/her mother to figure out the rest of the money). I kid you not, she wants to attend an expensive school because the "selection of men will be wealthier".
Her mother (who just inheritied a lot of money) will provide $60,000 to her. Even with all of this, the child plans to go to a school which will cost her $40,000 above what all of us are providing her.
And worse yet, she does not know what she wants to do! Most likely major in English! It's ok that she doesn't want to know what she wants to do, but it would be best if she figured that part out while at an inexpensive school, then transfer to one that's well-known for her selected area of interest.
It's such a different way of thinking. She doesn't care about the fact she will have major loans afterwards. She feels that her "college experience" is worth every penny (of someone else's money) and that her rich husband will pay off her loans for her. Nothing I or my husband say can help her out here, because her mother tells her how wonderful that plan is.
My husband and I feel morally obligated to help her get an education, plus if we didn't (to make a point about her "plan") she and her mother could sue us (yes sue us) for college money that might be more than we could afford. In our state, that precedent has been set, sadly enough. We're just hoping they've never heard that they can do that....
Thanks for listening. It's a sore topic for me.
blueSprite![Rose | [Rose]](https://codeproject.global.ssl.fastly.net/script/Forums/Images/rose.gif)
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blueSprite wrote: she and her mother could sue us (yes sue us) for college money that might be more than we could afford.
 That's just evil!
I hope everything works out for the best for you.
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Thank you.
blueSprite
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It's so sad that stories like that really take place...
There are still girls who think all they need is a rich husband from a rich family. They don't know what they want to do with their lifes, but whatever it wil lbe, it must take place in a world where money is not a problem.
I really hope that your stepdaughter will awake from that strange kind of dream before she destroys the whole family by sueing her parents.
_________________________________
Please inform me about my English mistakes, as I'm still trying to learn your language!
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blueSprite wrote: I kid you not, she wants to attend an expensive school because the "selection of men will be wealthier".
No offence, but if all she cares about is money, she runs the chance of having a very unfulfilling marriage. And, that's not what happiness is about.
blueSprite wrote: she and her mother could sue us (yes sue us) for college money that might be more than we could afford.
That's kinda hard to believe. If it did happen, then it's a real shame.
blueSprite wrote:
Thanks for listening. It's a sore topic for me.
We all have to vent sometimes. Hope things look better for you and your family in the not so distant future.
Jeremy Falcon
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> That's kinda hard to believe. If it did happen, then it's a real shame.
I can understand it hard to believe. A lot that goes on in family law is hard to believe, and people don't realize it can actually happen, until it affects them. (I was like that).
Children of divorced parents in quite a few states in the US can take their parents to court for college money. Only one state so far has ruled that that is unconstitutional (because children cannot take their married parents to court, so they shouldn't be able to take their divorced parents to court). There's actually one state that ruled it is perfectly acceptable to sue for college costs.
NH has allowed parents to be taken to court. Slowly in New Hampshire, there have been enough of us writing state reps, and bills are coming up to adjust some of the unfair laws (if the bills get passed). One law has been recently changed so that in "new" (post-Oct-2005) divorced parents cannot be forced to pay, but pre-2005 (pre-the-new-law) divorced parents can be. My husband's agreement (pre-2005) states he'll pay "to the best of his ability" but we found out that doesn't mean what he thinks he can afford, it's what a judge would decide he could afford (thru mortgages, selling stuff, raping the retirement fund, etc).
To read about it (if anyone is interested) look on www.nhcustody.org for more info. That site is a real eye-opener.
blueSprite
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> There's actually one state that ruled it is perfectly acceptable to sue for college costs.
oops - ruled it acceptable even AFTER the law had been challenged.
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Thanks Corinna, Thanks Jeremy, for reading and responding.
I agree, she may enter an unhappy marriage because her motives are not sincere. It's just all so different than how I (or my husband) was raised. Our time with her was limited (and sabotaged most of the time) so most lessons we tried to teach were undone.
I do find it sad also. She's an intelligent young lady, and has much in the way of potential. I believe that if she were willing to apply herself, she could do or be anything she wanted.
I wish things were very different... for her sake and ours. I really really don't want to be forced into taking a second mortgage to pay for someone else's whims, while having no input.
blueSprite
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If her stated goal is to attend college in order to find a sugar daddy, then you aren't paying for education; You're just pimping the girl by proxy. Get a clue and contribute nothing to her Whoring Fund.
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I understand your point. But if we contribute nothing, then most likely she and her mother would look into how they could force us to contribute. They would discover that they could take us to court, and would... and win. NH courts have a precedent of forcing divorced parents to pay. And then we would be forced to contribute FAR more than what we are offering right now.
So as for your statement "get a clue" - we already have one. We are choosing the path of least evil... the other path would force us to contribute more than we can afford to her "whoring fund". Do you understand the situation now? The laws as they stand now force our hand.
I am sickened by her attitude. If you had to live through the injustices of the NH family court system, you would understand our position. Please look at nhcustody.org if you do not believe me.
Thank you for your time.
-- modified at 14:10 Friday 17th February, 2006
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My statement wasn't directed at your complying or avoiding the consequences of state law. It was specifically addressing this quote from your original post: "My husband and I feel morally obligated to help her get an education...".
If the girl was actually seeking an education, your desire to assist her would be admirable. But making such a proclamation is almost an apology for supporting her grossly parasitic lifestyle. You have no choice and thus no reason to feel you are wrong to resent this petulent child's demands being enforced by the guns of the state. Frankly, I'd accumulate evidence of her deplorable aims in the event you need some defense in the future. You can bet there will be trouble for you and your husband down the road should her husband wrangling and 4 year degree applications both fail after 4 years.
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Whatever it takes to not go postal 
8bc7c0ec02c0e404c0cc0680f7018827ebee
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blueSprite wrote: And worse yet, she does not know what she wants to do!
blueSprite wrote: My husband and I feel morally obligated to help her get an education, plus if we didn't (to make a point about her "plan") she and her mother could sue us (yes sue us) for college money that might be more than we could afford. In our state, that precedent has been set, sadly enough. We're just hoping they've never heard that they can do that....
Let's just hope she doesn't want to become a programmer or she might find your message. That would be embarrassing.
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No- she thinks programming is just for uncool people. There's no way she or anyone with whom she's associated would browse a site like code project.
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She doesn't know what she wants to do but wants to attend a 100k University! I would say spend a few years at community college and take the basic courses until she decides what to do. No reason to go to an expensive University if you don't know what you want to do. You will end up changing majors and spending more money.
But I feel sorry for you guys. Kids now a days don't know the value of a dollar. I worked when I was 14 on a farm for $3.65 an hour, 7 days a week laying irrigation pipe, picking vegtables and whatever. At 18 I worked at a garbage dump setting up land fills to follow environmental regulations before it could be used and then I worked at a retail department store doing everything from lay away to service desk to cashier while I was attending college. So it's hard to just go out and blow a lot of money. I have a daughter now and I hope that I will be able to raise her to know the value of a dollar. It's hard though because my wife does not!
8bc7c0ec02c0e404c0cc0680f7018827ebee
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On all those that said that they don't have any higher education in IT ...
How much of them actually got a good job with a good pay as a dev?
Would that mean that my 6000 CAN$ loan was wasted?
I think that Cegep(same as college) actually learned me a lot of things.
If someone says "Die mortal!", don't stay to see if he isn't.
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I know developers who have worked with me without any education and were getting paid 6 figure salaries. It's all about the job experience though and these people got in the industry in the 80s/90s when anyone who could spell the word "computer" was given a job. Some of them have even worked at Microsoft on the core parts of the OS.
8bc7c0ec02c0e404c0cc0680f7018827ebee
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This is completly ridiculous...
Man... people are are actually developping software without having any education. I can understand that some of them are really bright and all but...
Come on.... how many have actually build sh*t and patch them to death...
Too many I think...
If someone says "Die mortal!", don't stay to see if he isn't.
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A lot of people build sh*t and patch them together independent of having any degree!
On the defensive part though, you gain the most from job experience and of course your own ambition. This is good and bad though because if you have people who are sh*t around you that's what you end up learning unless you have some type of drive yourself. So, environment does play a role in your professional development.
8bc7c0ec02c0e404c0cc0680f7018827ebee
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Arch4ngel wrote: Man... people are are actually developping software without having any education.
Who says you must have an education to develop software? Last time I checked, they were mutually exclusive.
"Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed." - Mark Twain
"There is no death, only a change of worlds." - Native American Proverb
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Don't waste money on a loan - get everything you need from sites like codeproject.com and books.
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Hello,
How would you pay for books when you don't have money? Get a job so you can buy all the stuff you need to find only that you don't have the time to read the books since your job requires too much time... What if your parents refuse or don't have the resources too pay your education?
I'm almost finished with my education and I have a loan. I'm happy that I didn't get a job, since I've had a lot of time to read books on application architecture / programming techniques / etc.. Because of this, I have a great advantage on most other students who wasted their time working..
Behind every great black man...
... is the police. - Conspiracy brother
Blog[^]
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First i commend anyone that takes the time and effort to complete a university or college degree. I know first hand the challenges that are faced.
If you are happy with your education and the choices you've made then that should be all that matters to you. However, as an employer, given the choice between a University graduate and an individual that has taken the initiative to learn and improve their skill, knowledge and experience through self-improvment; Well, the latter would hold much more weight. I know its not always so clear-cut as that, but anyone can pickup a book and read about architecture and programing techniques, not everyone can do it.
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Sean Rock wrote: but anyone can pickup a book and read about architecture and programing techniques, not everyone can do it.
True, but the same goes for college and universities. At leas here in Holland. I'm ashamed of the fact that I graduate from some college where the majority of the graduates don't even know why structurally testing software is a good thing... Anyone here can follow the classes and take exams, but only few people understand the concept and know how to apply it to a given situation.
In the end it will all work out since the people who truely understand what they are doing will excel in their work.
Behind every great black man...
... is the police. - Conspiracy brother
Blog[^]
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Bob Stanneveld wrote: I have a great advantage on most other students who wasted their time working..
It's not a waste of time if it's a programming job.
Nothing beats "real" experience.
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