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You must know that 'jetlag' is used here as an euphemism for 'vampires'. The communists in eastern Europe would never have admitted that vampires exist, so garlic had to be useful against something that demonstrates progress and socialistic achievement.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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We are still folk and we can still brew our own remedy - even Student's Coffee (coffee brewed with coffee replacing water) can be regarded as folk's remedy despite Universities as we know them being relatively recent.
* CALL APOGEE, SAY AARDWOLF
* GCS d--- s-/++ a- C++++ U+++ P- L- E-- W++ N++ o+ K- w+++ O? M-- V? PS+ PE- Y+ PGP t++ 5? X R++ tv-- b+ DI+++ D++ G e++>+++ h--- ++>+++ y+++* Weapons extension: ma- k++ F+2 X
* Never pay more than 20 bucks for a computer game.
* I'm a puny punmaker.
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I knew it would come to this...my ibil starts complaining about the degrading internet browsing experience on his 6 y/o laptop. (even though he runs virus scans daily, and defrags his hard drive every week!) I tried everything to help including spending 3 hours cloning the hdd to one of my spare ssd's (same capacity) only to find that the laptop wouldn't even recognize the ssd in the bios. 
This led to the inevitable conclusion that the only solution was a new laptop, which is where we are now...and I am being summoned by cell phone and multiple text messages now because he has questions.   Keep in mind that he knows that I am at work, but then again, it's nothing new as he usually calls during work hours...it must be great to be retired! So, here's what I have to look forward to when I decide to call back:
0: help him answer those difficult setup/registration questions (timezone etc.)
1: help him connect to the home wifi
2: get a remote desktop connection to get office 365 installed and configured (including email accounts and that stupid comic sans that he insists on using)
3: i'm quite sure he forgot to get his internet favorites and outlook contacts so it'll be another remote into the old computer to get those onto the usb drive
4: transfer pictures, contacts, favs, etc. from usb drive
5: answer a ton of questions since he's going from Win7 to Winten
Basically, it'll be no less than a two hour ordeal I'm sure with lot's of downtime so I can hear all about the latest doctor visits and how great and extraordinarily talented the grandkids are. 
This is all compounded by the fact that he's an obsessive/compulsive prick who will insist that everything be exactly the same as it was before. As an example of what an arrogant a$$ he is, consider his drink of choice: 'Bombay sapphire with a splash of grapefruit, in a short glass with 3 olives' (apparently, it's not an easy drink to make since he usually sends the first one back)
Before I could post, he called back. Luckily for me, he had already gotten it on the network, so it was just two hours with remotes to both laptops telling him when to move the thumb-drive from one to the other...(yes, I tried via intranet, but gave up quickly) It was only two hours, with a half-hour wasted trying different email passwords until we hit the right one.  Another half-hour was getting the slide-show background setup to his liking. 'here's me on the flight deck in 1970' and 'here's Anthony's graduation picture', and so forth...I really need a ![Beer | [beer]](https://codeproject.global.ssl.fastly.net/script/Forums/Images/beer.gif) ! I really hope I'm not the only one with an ibil like Eddie from lampoon's 'Vacation'...and to top it all off, the missus and I are going on a 7 day cruise the week after next with this guy! 
"Go forth into the source" - Neal Morse
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kmoorevs wrote: and to top it all off, the missus and I are going on a 7 day cruise the week after next with this guy!
Day 1: Push him overboard.
Days 2-7: Peaceful cruising.
Problem solved!
Cheers,
Peter
Software rusts. Simon Stephenson, ca 1994. So does this signature. me, 2012
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I used to have a friend who was a taxi driver and he wanted my help for free.
I said "We're going on holiday next week - can you take us to the airport and then collect us when we get back?"
He looked shocked and said "No, I'm too busy and I could be taking paying fares!"
I replied "Which is exactly why I won't help you for nothing!"
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At least your friend had a skill that could be traded...my guy's got nothing but an oversized eqo that somehow enables him to be completely apathetic with regard to my time/resources. Now, I'm working late to make up the two hours I lost. Well, at least everyone else is happy....almost done anyway! Cheers! 
"Go forth into the source" - Neal Morse
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kmoorevs wrote: Now, I'm working late to make up the two hours I lost.
When you should have instead pushed back politely but firmly and said you'd help him on the weekend when you have some free time.
/ravi
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Ravi Bhavnani wrote: When you should have instead pushed back politely but firmly and said you'd help him on the weekend when you have some free time.
In the meantime ask him to put his machine in the dishwasher and run a full cycle to remove the harsh packing chemicals that give you a rash. 
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kmoorevs wrote: ...it must be great to be retired!
Not that great unless you can find enough to keep you out the house, or hidden away, for most of the day. Her Indoors can find you so many more things for you to do, you wonder how on earth she managed before you retired.
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kmoorevs wrote: that stupid comic sans that he insists on using
If he's into comic sans, he doesn't even need a computer -- just a box of crayons.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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My most annoying request for help came from a relative of mine who phoned me to tell me his laptop had "lost its colors".
I was scratching my head until I painstakingly made him walk through the steps where he reached the point where "the colors disappeared".
Remember the Luna theme for XP...? If you clicked on Shutdown, and let the resulting Logout/restart/sleep/power down/etc dialog box wait for a few seconds, XP would render this semi-fancy effect where the shutdown dialog box remained in focus and showing in color, but would slowly transition the background into a black-and-white (well, grayscale) state until you clicked on something.
That's how his system "lost its colors".
[Edit]
Found an example of this here...
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I liked that effect. Sometimes I just waited a bit, before I clicked on shutdown, just to see it. But I'm easy to entertain .
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But how would you feel about it if someone called you after seeing that, thinking something had gone wrong, and kept you on the phone for half an hour just trying to (poorly) explain what he was seeing?
It still annoys me to no end that he thought this was something worth calling me for. What this proved is that he places no value on my time.
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Copy him on this thread, problem solved.
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Mysterious repeats from the Insider News are Leslies, says the CP regulars.
This space for rent
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Well I'm regular so it doesn't count. 
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Legendary Comic Don Rickles Dies at 90[^]
![Rose | [Rose]](https://codeproject.global.ssl.fastly.net/script/Forums/Images/rose.gif) 
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
The metaphorical solid rear-end expulsions have impacted the metaphorical motorized bladed rotating air movement mechanism.
Do questions with multiple question marks annoy you???
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The news to me is that he was still alive.
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I recall one of his comments that I still use now and then:
"Half my friends have hemorrhoids; the other half are perfect assholes."
| Ravings en masse^ |
|---|
| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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Last time I checked, I needed 136 years to catch up to OG's then-current score.
I am now down to 72 years to catch up to his current score. Woo-hoo!
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
--Winston Churchill
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I'll just wait for the signed 32-bit integer that holds his points to overflow, and send him back to the bottom of the list. 
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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I'm just waiting to see if the Notifications counter overflows at 65535 - not far now, it's on 54719!
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Richard Deeming wrote: and send him back to the bottom of the list.
Enjoy it while it lasts. He'll lap us in no time. 
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
There are only 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
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