|
My wife is on her third iPad...best gift(s) I ever bought her. Keeps her off of my laptop and conversation decreased by about 80%! 
"Go forth into the source" - Neal Morse
|
|
|
|
|
I gave my missus a tablet too...Rohypnol.
modified 26-Dec-15 16:02pm.
|
|
|
|
|
TV sounds me better - now she's yelling at you...
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
|
|
|
|
|
All pets need medications from time to time to keep them healthy, but there are significant differences between the methods required to administer said meds, to wit:
How to give the cat a pill
- Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
- Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
- Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
- Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
- Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
- Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
- Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
- Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
- Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
- Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
- Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
- Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How to give the dog a pill
Will Rogers never met me.
|
|
|
|
|
Pterry said that every method for giving a cat a pill works.
Once.
veni bibi saltavi
|
|
|
|
|
hey roger happy xmas 
how's life?
"mostly watching the human race is like watching dogs watch tv ... they see the pictures move but the meaning escapes them"
|
|
|
|
|
You, too, Lauren! Life's great, thanks, since I quit my job this week! 
How's things with you?
Will Rogers never met me.
|
|
|
|
|
over-worked as usual but enjoying life in berlin for now - more travels in the new year to south africa and seattle - i really must try to get down to hell bullhead city again to visit
"mostly watching the human race is like watching dogs watch tv ... they see the pictures move but the meaning escapes them"
|
|
|
|
|
You're always welcome, and I have a much better selection of firearms for you to try out!
Will Rogers never met me.
|
|
|
|
|
Roger Wright wrote: Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
Well there's your problem. I have no idea what you swallowing is supposed to do. Are you hoping for some kind of sympathetic telekinetic effect?
|
|
|
|
|
No, you swallow with apprehension of what is about to happen...
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
|
|
|
|
|
Now that you tried the pill, lets move on to suppositories
Bastard Programmer from Hell 
If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^]
|
|
|
|
|
Whenever there was reason to give our cat a pill, my daughter in law lived with us and she and my son gave the cat said pill. I left the house.
She had plenty of experience, her mom has 20+ indoor cats and numerous outdoor ones.
New version: WinHeist Version You didn't fall from the stupid tree you got dragged through the whole dumbass forest.
|
|
|
|
|
Doesn't one have servants for that sort of thing?
|
|
|
|
|
Servants can take their own pills, you don't have to wrap them in towels and force their jaws open.
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
|
|
|
|
|
Simple two-step process for giving a cat a pill: remove the cat's head. Shove the pill down its throat.
|
|
|
|
|
Sigh. I know you don't like cats Roger, but...
Giving cats pills is actually a lot easier than most dogs. Any dog bigger than about 25 pounds or so is large enough you have a hard time poking a pill down its throat far enough to keep it from spitting it back out. My English setter was adept at the 'hide it and then spit it out later' trick.
Conversely, I had a cat who took 3-4 pills a day for the last four years of his life. Granted, he was an easygoing cat, but he actually ran back to the laundry room where we kept his meds when it was time. He knew that he got a treat after he took his pills. I got so good at it I could give him all of his pills at once with a single motion that only took a couple seconds.
(Yeah folks, I know this is a joke)
Software Zen: delete this;
|
|
|
|
|
Pointless walk with the dog round the empty town past the closed shops. Check.
Obligatory Pixar film that you'd never admit to watching at any other time. Check.
Sausage and chips with a nice drop of Zinfandel. Check.
Doctor Who Special. Check.
Strictly Special with slightly dodgy result but not nearly as jaw droppingly stupid as in the main contest. Check.
Yup. Suppose it must have been. Still don't get what all the fuss is about then.
|
|
|
|
|
Christmas is only as fun as you make it... Try harder!
|
|
|
|
|
Sander Rossel wrote: Try harder!
 But then it's just work!
|
|
|
|
|
Life's tough, get used to it
Here's one tip to make it more bearable though, whenever I'm down I'd like to remind myself that life is a trail of tears and then you die. That always cheers me up.
Uhhh... Merry Christmas. I guess
|
|
|
|
|
Christmas is like life; it's what you make it.
The difficult we do right away...
...the impossible takes slightly longer.
|
|
|
|
|
You get out what you put in.
(Particularly if you buy your own presents)
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
|
|
|
|
|
My wife's stepdad has his wife's grandson living with him. The lad is 18 now, but has had a lifetime of health and educational problems. He is in his first job, washing up in the kitchen of a local hotel.
He came downstairs with some presents this morning and said "can you help me wrap these up please".
So the old man wrapped all the presents, handed them back to him, and asked " Who are they for anyway?".
"You" came the reply.
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
|
|
|
|
|
There are worse Christmases. I spent mine with my wife in the hospital after having a mild heart attack two days before Christmas. She is home now and doing fairly well, although she did get supplemental oxygen in her stocking.
Software Zen: delete this;
|
|
|
|
General 
News 
Suggestion 
Question 
Bug 
Answer 
Joke 
Praise 
Rant 
Admin 
Submit an article or tip
