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Hi All,
I you remember I made a faux pas in the lounge and said lang XX.net is not for release, got flamed apologised (I blame, too little sleep & too much caffine!). The 'thing' was fixed given to the client it ran he was happy (!) I was a hero, until they realised that it did not record the results and failures, I did say this at the time ('well the screen goes green, the animation stops, and the PC will make a 'ping' sound if the unit under test passes' reply was 'don't alter anything, it the way its wanted') So I sent emails to people about it not recording the results, the failures are the main thing (you would like to know where it failed, rather than have to go through every possible failure) they were ignored until this went into production, now they have boards piling up (this box passes, that box fails) and no way of sorting out what broke where if anything! 'How hard is to properly record everything? is the question now, me pleased they ignored the guy who said 'But...' and it came to bite them.... 
Also Darlek Dave are you around I feel I need to ask a question regarding table etiquette you are the only person I can think of (other than my Mum!) who could answer the question. 
modified 9-Jan-14 6:13am.
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I am here...
What would you like to know?
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Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur .
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Well it's a simple matter are the tinges (or spikes if you like) on a fork supposed to placed so as the curve in the fork is facing the plate or face up. I ask as I seem to recall a fuss being made about this (Radio 4 I think??) Last night I went for a curry with some friends at a very good Indian restaurant and I realised I placed my fork differently to the others  Just making sure I was not letting the side down (I do know which way to pass the port etc.)?
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Doesn't matter - a proper curry you eat with your fingers. Right hand only, natch.
Never underestimate the power of stupid things in large numbers
--- Serious Sam
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But that sort curry you also buy on the street (and visit to the toilet/doctors before very long) the restaurant in question does have very high standards. 
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I've had some of the best food I've ever eaten on the streets of Thailand, Malaysia and Singapore. And pretty damn good on the streets of India and Pakistan. And never once had a problem. Yes, you have to be careful, but if the locals eat it... Think about it: they want you to come back, and street vendors can't hide behind a counter when an angry customer comes in... 
Never underestimate the power of stupid things in large numbers
--- Serious Sam
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May I interest you in a sausage? Inabun?[^]
speramus in juniperus
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Wanna 100 year old egg Shogun? Fresh in today?
Never underestimate the power of stupid things in large numbers
--- Serious Sam
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True, very true (I speak as a person who went for a drink one night in Nice (south O' France) ended up in a bar surrounded by local fisher men (& related trades, nudge, nudge, wink, wink!) great place. But as wussy Westerners we might not have the related bacteria/worms in our digestive tract to deal with some of the stuff that doesn't affect the locals. I heard something about if you have parasitic worms in you gut you don't get ulcers (Infinite Monkey Cage, Radio 4, I think...). A little dirt is good, however the spices, tastes in curry mean dodgy meat can be used, which in the locals might give wind, to a foreigner might give two months on a drip!
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I had to fix some software like that once...
Never moon a werewolf.
- Harvey
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Simples...
Forks should be placed Tines Up on the left hand side of the plate, the knife to the right with the blade edge pointing left.
Once finished, the fork should be placed on the plate, next to and parallel with the knife, tines down.
The plate should also be pushed forward slightly.
This indicates to one's butler that you have finished that course.
Uneaten food should also be pushed to the 10pm position.
This is so that when several plates are being picked up they can be placed in the left hand/arm of the attending servant.
---------------------------------
Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur .
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Dang & blast got it wrong  now however correctly armed with the info I can no longer be view as a chav, NEDS or common as muck! 
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Dalek Dave wrote: tines down
A man of breading. Poor breading.
The tines are always up, finished or not. If you need to place the weapons on the plate, but haven't finished, then they go at twenty to four and when the course is over at six thirty.
:sheesh:
speramus in juniperus
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Not when placing the cutlery on the table before the meal they don't.
Sheesh, were you raised in a cafe or summut?
---------------------------------
Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur .
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Quote: A man of breading. Poor breading.
Sir I refer you to my first reply
Quote: (I do know which way to pass the port etc.)?
...and mix a good gin & tonic, vodka & tonic, vodka & Russian, whiskey & tonic, whiskey sour, white Russian, black Russian most cocktails. My breeding can't really be faulted for that. If it involves alcohol I am sorted... 
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: A man of breading. Poor breading.
You don't need a fork to eat bread[^]! 
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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Okay already, spilling is hard!
speramus in juniperus
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looking at the page, why?, will somebody please tell me WHY it is always cats, these people should be run from the internet with pitch forks and torches!
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If you mean whilst eating...Firstly one should NEVER cut one's food into small pieces the place the knife down and put the fork in the right hand before eating with the tines up, (like a bowl of a spoon).
Having food cut up for eating is what one does for children.
Adults should NEVER do this.
The correct etiquette is that one cuts one's food as one eats, so the knife remains in the right hand, and the fork in the left.
The fork is used to transfer food, tines down, to the mouth.
The knife is used to push the food onto the fork.
I have seen Americans do the 'I am a child and need my food cutting into manageable pieces' thing then proceeding to use the fork the wrong way up and in the wrong hand.
Annoying as hell!
The reason the fork always stays in the left hand and the knife in the right is because at formal dinners there is often not much room and two elbows clashing as one person cannot be bothered to use gobbling irons correctly means spilt food and messy clothes.
Hope this helps.
---------------------------------
Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur .
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Again thank You, a source to the finer things are you (to get Yoda-ish) I must admit your explanation is better than the one I was given as a child (mostly forgotten as you can see from question)
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And if you have any control at all of your arms, wrists and hand, then there is no reason to have them splayed out towards your dining companions. Simply tuck them into your side and use the fork and knife as you see fit.
If you are not touching not spraying your dining companions with food, then who are they to care HOW you prepare and consume YOUR food.
I grew up in a family of 11; somehow, we all managed to sit at the table, together, cut and consume our food without bashing elbows or each other... it just takes practice and concern for others.
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Mod this through the fact I'm from the North and find these middle-class fripperies hilarious, but:
Tines up [^], tines down is a continental custom, and therefore to be discouraged.
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And that site is bookmarked to save future embarrassment
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Ah, but oop north they cannot afford cutlery and often just eat straight from t'trough
Also, when eating soup, NEVER tilt the bowl, better to leave a little than tilt a bowl, and if it really is unavoidable, tilt away, not toward.
Ensure always that one arranges, where possible, that the guests are seated boy/girl/boy/girl.
Never allow 13 for dinner, if there are 13 diners, set a 14th place.
Wine should always be served by the man, a woman should NEVER pick up the wine bottle.
Hosts should always ensure that the eldermost lady be served first, guests should not start eating until the host sits.
Port should always be passed to the left (Port Side).
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Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur .
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