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You should at least tell the joke or post a link
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Yeah, well, I'm sure Chris' penis joke isn't very long anyway... 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience
Greg King
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I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin, Actress
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But how hard can it be to just tell it : )
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Well it was very long, and quite hard too as I was making it up as I went along.
It is a joke that works better when spoken, as it is all in the telling, dragging it out, building up the interest, before hitting them with the weak ass (literally) punch line.
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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ChrisElston wrote: Well it was very long, and quite hard
Don't brag so much, we don't believe you anyway... 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience
Greg King
-----
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin, Actress
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One day after a long shift down the mine Jones the Coal hit the showers with his colleagues just the same as the end of every other shift.
Today was to be different however, as he washed the grime and dust away he noticed a golden screw in the end of his penis.
Amazed he tried to remove it, but it wouldn't pull out, wouldn't turn, he could do nothin with it.
Then the realisation hit him; he couldn't piss, not with this golden screw in the end blocking up the hole.
And the more he thought on this, the more he needed to.
He tried, right there in the shower, but nothing.
So he hurriedly dressed and shot off to see his doctor.
His doctor had never seen anything like it, could not remember hearing of anything like it.
He prodded, he pulled, he twisted, he tried a good spray of WD40, but all to no avail.
By now a slightly panicked Jones was worrying what would happen if he could never piss again, what would happen to him, would he rupture or burst?
The doctor promised to make a few calls, to do a bit of research, see what he could dig up, and about an hour later he called Jones back into his room.
"Good news" said the doctor, "I've spoken to an old doctor he says he remembers hearing of a similar case many years ago.
"We're to meet him at the university medical library where he's trying to find what to do".
So they set off for the big city and the old doctor, Jones by this time really needs to go and is squirming about in his seat.
Eventually the old doctor finds what he is looking for, an ancient and dusty tomb, pulls it from the shelf and begins searching through it.
With an exclamation of triumph he stabs at a page in the book with his finger.
And there is detailed the strange case of a miner who returns from the pit to find a little golden screw blocking the end of his penis.
The book says the only way to remove the screw is to travel deep into a local forest, find a clearing, and stand naked in it at midnight.
Jones by now cannot sit still, he is desperate to go so the doctor agree to drive him to the Forest.
They thank the old doctor and set off at high speed.
Driving as close as they can Jones then leaps from the car and rushes off to find the clearing.
He has only minutes to spare as he arrives, ripping off his clothes he stands, naked, in the middle of the clearing.
At the stroke of midnight a beam of moonlight shines down in front of him.
Then he notices a tiny man sliding down the beam of moonlight towards him.
The tiny man is carrying a little golden toolbox.
He walks over to Jones, laying down his little golden toolbox and opening it up.
He takes out a little golden screwdriver and hands it to Jones.
Jones takes the little golden screwdriver, and using it effortlessly removes the little golden screw from the end of his penis?
And do you know what happened next?
------------------------
His arse fell off!
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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ChrisElston wrote: an ancient and dusty tomb
Tome?
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Leave me alone I've got concussion.
I think I change tense half way through too.
If that is the worst of the mistakes then I've done very well.
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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But bless you for actually bothering to read that far through it.
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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I've heard the same punchline in a long involved joke about a man who was taught to mediate in a hidden monastery in the Himalayas and who unscrewed his navel, but I wasn't expecting it here!
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It seems I got reported for alluding to the joke, now I've actually posted it I expect imminent arrest.
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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Well, as long as it's gentle I don't mind.
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Mmm, very true, a friend of mine is contracting for an Energy Trading company that uses VB6 code to update the traders info feed, there is now apparently one guy in the UK office who has any idea of the system and has VB6 installed to update it. So I ask "why don't they upgrade the system" the 'traders' wont let them and being the Rock Stars of the company they are listened to more than the IT guys...
Does anybody see a problem/opportunity when these systems finally seize up they are going to need people to sort them out!
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The problem they're describing isn't due to the use of VB6.
The problem is their (big companies) inadequate evaluation of what "good enough" is. Problems as I see them:
0) Their complete lack of interest in retaining key personnel - the guys with tribal knowledge of complex systems, especially those who originate those systems.
1) Their lack of willingness to completely document a given system in the event that they lose key personnel.
2) Their lack of willingness to recognize that maintenance costs can be decreased if a given system is allowed to be completely re-imagined and/or refactored after five years of life. Refactoring is a great way to get newer people more familiar with the system because they had a hand in building it from the ground up.
3) The desire to offshore/outsource seemingly mundane tasks, such as Q/A simply because it costs less money. People who have no subject matter knowledge and no familiarity with a given system should NOT be writing test cases for that system without constant and studied supervision.
4) Adherence to a poor design (both the system and the test cases, regardless of how obvious the flaws are.
5) Not providing enough time for testing. This is and always will be the most egregious flaw.
6) Not performing a complete SDLC for a given system.
7) Not planning/designing for future upgrades/updates to the system.
8) "Minimum viable product" planning/design. This is such a waste of time that it's difficult to put my disdain for the phrase into words that can be used in mixed company. I've been told that it'll be okay if we have to throw away everything we did the last time and start from scratch in the next iteration of a system.
I could go on, but I think you see my point. The systems don't fail because of the tools used to create that system. The system fails because its improperly maintained and supported, even though the guys in charge KNOW that the tools that were used are a) no longer supported and b) rapidly falling out of common use. Look at COBOL as a great example of this. When it comes time to maintain a COBOL system, the talent is so rarely found that the price to hire them often exceeds what the cost would have been for the change-over you should have performed years ago.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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I charge a dead language fee for vb6 work. Unfortunately, no one will pay it. Seems the upper bar for fixing vb6 is lower than the lower bar for any other language, pay wise.
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Didn't you previously state that your VB6 surcharge was deliberately set high enough that you didn't expect anyone to ever say yes?
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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Yes.
But the point remains, I still haven't seen a VB6 rate that I would consider if I really liked the language. You would think people would pay to get out of the mess but they are more interested in continued digging. I have pitched many companies on a 6 month plan to rebuild that is cheaper than their 5 year plan of keep doing and they all scoff. Good luck when they can't find a disk drive for the install. (At least I can actually pen and paper VB6 [actually I do so the summer before last])
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I'm doing quite well on it at the moment 
Believe it or not I'm also converting VB3 code to VB6 ... not by choice I hasten to add!! A senior manager read somewhere that there was a free program that could be downloaded to convert 3 to 6 and decided that was the way forward 
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They failed to mention one critical point. Constantly changing requirements lead to less than ideal code... 
Common sense is admitting there is cause and effect and that you can exert some control over what you understand.
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I don't understand a thing about this, but it seems like an achievement, and involves CP.
Well done, then ! ![Beer | [beer]](https://codeproject.global.ssl.fastly.net/script/Forums/Images/beer.gif)
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Do not feed the troll ! - Common proverb
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Congratulations, Marc !
"What Turing gave us for the first time (and without Turing you just couldn't do any of this) is he gave us a way of thinking about and taking seriously and thinking in a disciplined way about phenomena that have, as I like to say, trillions of moving parts.
Until the late 20th century, nobody knew how to take seriously a machine with a trillion moving parts. It's just mind-boggling." Daniel C. Dennett
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I don't like the idea that the administrator can view user files/documents. Do you think the current windows user management should be changed?
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That's the whole idea of an administrator: he is supposed to be able to see things - otherwise he can't fix them for you when you have a problem...
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