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I'm not going to win on length, but I think I've got everyone beat on the sheer terror factor:
From: The Boss
To: All Employees
Subject: New Email Server and Client Deployment
As part of this weekends maintenance cycle we'll be decommissioning the old mail
server and replacing it with a Lotus Domino server. When you sign in to your
computer on Monday morning Lotus Notes will be automatically installed.
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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Trouble is, it's for me, from Herself.
I've got a reasonable budget - £300 or so - but she has decided that she has no idea what to get me and told me to sort it out.
And I can't think of anything! I don't want a smartwatch - my existing one works fine, and doesn't run out of battery every time you look at it - my tablet is fine, my PC is OK - and a replacement well above that budget - my phone works, even in the house.
So what do I want her to get me? Any ideas?
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Seriously? That's two Christmas posts you've made and it's not even the end of October yet.
You have to pay for it yourself and get it yourself? I'd kick her out.
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PompeyThree wrote: You have to pay for it yourself and get it yourself? I'd kick her out.
Well - it has advantages.
OK, so no surprises - but no socks, no jumpers, no "oh gawd I'll have to look like I use this for a year" items either.
So far, I've bought myself a tablet, a sous vide, an decent camera, ... stuff I've actually wanted and do use.
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Amazon gift certificate?
How do we preserve the wisdom men will need,
when their violent passions are spent?
- The Lost Horizon
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You could always go for the donate to charity option - that's what I tend to do nowadays.
Wales could surely spare one of these...[^]
“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”
― Christopher Hitchens
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A week-end for two in fashionable Luton ? Or, should that be a week-end for one ?
«I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center» Kurt Vonnegut.
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See here[^].
Software Zen: delete this;
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Telescope, vacation trip, cruise, bike, books. Worst case scenario, take the cash and accumulate it for something
BIG.
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Last I checked he lived in Wales.
Do you know how often the sky is visible there?
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A metal detector. I've always wanted one of those...
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I found a lot of beercaps, a Eurocent that is not recognizable, some screws.. It does come in handy if I want to know if there's a metal wire or pipe going through a wall 
Bastard Programmer from Hell 
If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^]
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I know at least three guys who had to resort to one to find the surveyors spike in their yards. One was hiding under a tree.
[edit] The spike, I mean... [/edit]
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Tim Deveaux wrote: [edit] The spike, I mean... [/edit]
..in the yard, make sure that the spike does not go in a straight line to your house; you don't want to dig up your own sewerage 
Bastard Programmer from Hell
If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^]
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Sphero BB-8[^]
Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians.
Help end the violence EAT BACON
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I always look at the stuff I can't afford/have no use for on uncrate.com
some ridiculously wierd/good stuff there
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Get some quality time (massages, hot/cold baths...) at a nice spa your yourself and the missus.
I'd rather be phishing!
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A flamethrower, along with the collection of Nicolas Cage's DVDs and the collection of Justin Bieber's discography.
I leave for you as an exercise to decide how to use the former on the latter.
I never finish anyth
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phil.o wrote: flamethrower
phil.o wrote: Justin Bieber's discography
FTFY.
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In fact, I wasn't absolutely sure that 'discography' is appropriate. Maybe 'marketing rubbish' could fit...
Anyway, I'm not so comfortable with advertising a murder on a public forum, either
I never finish anyth
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There's no need to swear
Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians.
Help end the violence EAT BACON
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OriginalGriff wrote: I've got a reasonable budget - £300 or so
OG, that's (way) more than reasonable! 
As they say, some of the best things in life are free (or at least under £10). With that in mind, may I recommend a couple of my favorites?
Merry Xmas!
/ravi
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It's what her tablet cost, and she's insistent that I spend about the same on me.
Wonder how many pairs of socks I can get for £300...
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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