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GeneralRe: Zero Knowledge of Zero Gravity Pin
Daniel Pfeffer25-Sep-21 12:17
professionalDaniel Pfeffer25-Sep-21 12:17 
GeneralRe: Zero Knowledge of Zero Gravity Pin
twhall25-Sep-21 17:07
Membertwhall25-Sep-21 17:07 
GeneralRe: Zero Knowledge of Zero Gravity Pin
Leo5626-Sep-21 20:59
MemberLeo5626-Sep-21 20:59 
GeneralRe: Zero Knowledge of Zero Gravity Pin
Member 1368006024-Sep-21 1:25
MemberMember 1368006024-Sep-21 1:25 
GeneralRe: Zero Knowledge of Zero Gravity Pin
A Momentary Lapse of Reason24-Sep-21 2:59
MemberA Momentary Lapse of Reason24-Sep-21 2:59 
GeneralRe: Zero Knowledge of Zero Gravity Pin
Eudy Silva26-Sep-21 7:57
MemberEudy Silva26-Sep-21 7:57 
GeneralRe: Zero Knowledge of Zero Gravity Pin
CARNESECCHILuc27-Sep-21 0:24
MemberCARNESECCHILuc27-Sep-21 0:24 
Generali shop at the new Amazon department store, and get JSOP's advice ! PinPopular
BillWoodruff23-Sep-21 2:13
mveBillWoodruff23-Sep-21 2:13 
i was one of the first customers [^].

Something went wrong with their face-recognition entry, but, it only took me an hour to reset my password and security questions. It was like so cool they played my favorite music, Samuel Barber's Adagio (Hauser on the cello), while i waited, to help me keep my chill. And, when my favorite brew, hazelnut spiked latte, popped out of a little orifice i hadn't noticed ... wow !

The greeter-droid apologized profusely for the delay, and told me i had a US $5 discount on whatever i purchased today. Then it asked me what i was shopping for.

i said: "A sequined spandex tank-top like Gary Glitter used to wear."

Droid: "What size, what color ?"

Me: "US XL, black, multi-color sequins."

The Droid took 15 seconds to respond: "Please look at the images on the display wall panel ... eye-tracking will show the image you are looking at on the SuperScreen underneath the wall panel; you can tell Alexa to freeze the current image, to move the items on the wall panel right, or left ... we see you have already earned "Expert" status for using Alexa ... any questions, just ask,"

Me: "Is there a Gary Glitter official groupie tank-top available ?"

Droid: "The pictures on the wall panel are arranged from left-to-right, prioritized in terms of similarity to your specification. In this case, there is no 100% match in stock."

Me: "Is that Bowie in the first picture ?"

Droid: "Yes, we can have that here for you to try on in five minutes."

Me: "Okay."

Me: "Wait ... is that tank-top, by any chance, made by Uighur Muslims in Xinjiang who are now being 're-educated' ?"

Droid: [after 15 seconds] "We are sorry Sir, but, per our agreement with China, goods are supplied through wholesalers who are prevented from disclosing factory locations in China."

Me: "Okay ... can you show me models made outside China, Rwanda, and the Congo ?"

Droid: [wall panel display updates] These are what we have."

Me: "i'd like to try on the first one."

Droid: "We are pleased to tell you that model can be here in fifteen minutes, and, because you have to wait more than ten minutes, you will receive a complimentary beverage."

[fifteen minutes later, re-caffeinated by another latte with a shot of Red Bull, i am escorted to a dressing room ... i notice the absence of mirrors.]

Alexa: "Welcome ! Your body-scanning level permission status is set to 'Full Monte' ... Please confirm that."

Me: "Confirmed."

[i take my shirt off, and put on the tank-top]

Alexa: "That's very tight around your sides ... you've added more fat than in our last scan: would you want an XXL ? While custom tailoring is possible, there is a 50% surcharge, and a waiting period of up to sixty days."

Me: "what would JSOP say about this shirt ?"

Alexa: "JSOP on CodeProject ?"

Me: "Yes, the one, and only."

Alexa; "Our personality inference engine suggests JSOP would say: 'that's for pussies !'"

Me: "That makes me sure i want it ! Confirm order."

Alexa: "Order confirmed, your AmazoninianBitCoin account has been billed."

Alexa: "Before you go, may we bring a possible health issue to your attention ?"

Me: "Sure."

Alexa: "Your slightly slurred speech, and somewhat irregular slow heartbeat, as well as intermittent movements suggesting loss of balance, and unusually low body temperature ... all point to extreme stress, and a possibility pf hypothyroidism. Your medical records show you have not had a thyroid test for three years ... can we help schedule an appointment with one of our certified family physician partners, given your previous one is dead ?"

Me: "No, thanks: all this physical stuff is just stress related ... the divorce; a son busted for drugs; trying to upgrade to Windows 11 ..."

Alexa: "We understand; could we offer you a free consultation with one of our board-certified psychotherapist partners ... one who lives within 22 minutes average driving-time from your current place of residence ?"

Me: "No, thanks: i'll stick with acupuncture, and binge watching tv series i hate ..."

Alexa: "We understand; however, we note your current attorney's billing fees are 30% higher than the average of our Amazon certified divorce lawyers, and, your attorney has one of the lowest consumer satisfaction ratings we ever calculated."

Me: " ... mmmm ... i'll think about that one."

Alexa: "We understand; however, we note your son's bail bondsman has quoted you fees more than 50% higher than our Amazon certified bondsmen partners would charge."

Me: "i'm letting the kid rot in jail for a while ... teach him a lesson !"

Alexa: "We understand."

Me: "i'm surprised you're not offering me new PC's with Win 11 !"

Alexa: "Sir, We do not carry Windows OS PC's: they are unreliable, over-priced, have significant security issues."

Me: "Wow ... are you channeling Bezos ?"

Alexa: "We can say with confidence that every human employee here, and every sentient AI, like the one you, and two million other people, are talking to now ... share this opinion !"

Me: "Alexa: logout"

Alexa: "When you exit the store, you will be logged-out. Please pick-up your AR-15 semi-automatic weapon, and Kevlar vest, at the secure storage room first; the magazine (and the bullets removed from the magazine, in a protective pouch) will be delivered to you through the same portal you received your first latte from."
«The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled» Plutarch


modified 23-Sep-21 9:04am.

GeneralRe: i shop at the new Amazon department store, and get JSOP's advice ! Pin
englebart23-Sep-21 2:22
professionalenglebart23-Sep-21 2:22 
GeneralRe: i shop at the new Amazon department store, and get JSOP's advice ! Pin
den2k8823-Sep-21 2:45
professionalden2k8823-Sep-21 2:45 
GeneralRe: i shop at the new Amazon department store, and get JSOP's advice ! Pin
Nelek24-Sep-21 1:56
protectorNelek24-Sep-21 1:56 
GeneralRe: i shop at the new Amazon department store, and get JSOP's advice ! Pin
den2k8824-Sep-21 2:26
professionalden2k8824-Sep-21 2:26 
GeneralRe: i shop at the new Amazon department store, and get JSOP's advice ! Pin
Nelek24-Sep-21 2:30
protectorNelek24-Sep-21 2:30 
GeneralRe: i shop at the new Amazon department store, and get JSOP's advice ! Pin
PaltryProgrammer23-Sep-21 3:01
MemberPaltryProgrammer23-Sep-21 3:01 
GeneralRe: i shop at the new Amazon department store, and get JSOP's advice ! Pin
charlieg3-Oct-21 16:13
Membercharlieg3-Oct-21 16:13 
GeneralRe: i shop at the new Amazon department store, and get JSOP's advice ! Pin
BillWoodruff3-Oct-21 20:00
mveBillWoodruff3-Oct-21 20:00 
GeneralRe: i shop at the new Amazon department store, and get JSOP's advice ! Pin
charlieg4-Oct-21 4:04
Membercharlieg4-Oct-21 4:04 
GeneralI hate it when that happens... Pin
OriginalGriff22-Sep-21 22:32
mveOriginalGriff22-Sep-21 22:32 
GeneralRe: I hate it when that happens... Pin
pkfox22-Sep-21 22:53
professionalpkfox22-Sep-21 22:53 
GeneralRe: I hate it when that happens... Pin
OriginalGriff22-Sep-21 23:04
mveOriginalGriff22-Sep-21 23:04 
GeneralRe: I hate it when that happens... Pin
pkfox23-Sep-21 1:23
professionalpkfox23-Sep-21 1:23 
GeneralRe: I hate it when that happens... Pin
Richard MacCutchan23-Sep-21 1:28
mveRichard MacCutchan23-Sep-21 1:28 
GeneralRe: I hate it when that happens... Pin
obermd23-Sep-21 3:28
Memberobermd23-Sep-21 3:28 
JokeRe: I hate it when that happens... Pin
Daniel Pfeffer22-Sep-21 22:58
professionalDaniel Pfeffer22-Sep-21 22:58 
GeneralRe: I hate it when that happens... Pin
Nagy Vilmos22-Sep-21 23:10
professionalNagy Vilmos22-Sep-21 23:10 

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Straw Poll

Do you take a development machine with you on holidays?
A laptop, a mini PC, a tablet that allows you to remote to a Virtual Desktop. There are options.
  Results   542 votes