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You could send a hand-crafted birthday card instead:
Condoleances. And courage for the 18 years to wait for your freedom to come back.
PS: A small amount of gin in the feeding bottle can save you a lot of sleeping time during the first years. And if you mix it with milk, be sure to add a little portion of cream so that the milk does not go bad.
while (!(success = Try()));
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I'd love getting such an honest card 
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He can still retreat into joy and bliss by giving in to the idiocy malwhare that we all have between our ears for exactly this situation. It's actually there to keep us from strangling the little brat after two weeks. But not only we[^] have that malware.
I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them were cats.
His last invention was an evil Lasagna. It didn't kill anyone, and it actually tasted pretty good.
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CodeWraith wrote: But not only we[^] have that malware
That's so cute!
I DO love kittens and ducklings 
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I need to borrow the baby for a minute when you're done with it. It's for a umm, project I'm working on.
I'll give it back. With most of its soul, even.
When I was growin' up, I was the smartest kid I knew. Maybe that was just because I didn't know that many kids. All I know is now I feel the opposite.
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It's not my baby (thank [throws dice for random god from random pantheon] Cyric!) and I'm staying far away from it
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well okay. I pay for firstborns though. Keep that in mind - maybe tell your friends.
When I was growin' up, I was the smartest kid I knew. Maybe that was just because I didn't know that many kids. All I know is now I feel the opposite.
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I've got some kids in the neighborhood that I really want to get rid of... 
So what are you offering? Do you need them alive?
Maybe we should take this to a private chat?
What do you mean you were only joking? 
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neighborhood kids are easy. i've already got the van for that. newborns are what I'm after.
I mean, I'm kidding.
As far as offers, I grant wishes.
When I was growin' up, I was the smartest kid I knew. Maybe that was just because I didn't know that many kids. All I know is now I feel the opposite.
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Hey! I'm chaotic evil too!
I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them were cats.
His last invention was an evil Lasagna. It didn't kill anyone, and it actually tasted pretty good.
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And so is your lasagna
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You have a computer, you have a printer, you have access to shops that sell blank card, and I assume you have a graphics app and/or a web browser for downloading royalty-free pictures.
Do people prefer the personal touch, or the knowledge that a parasitic corporation has been fed?
OK, let's move on to the next item on the agenda.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Mark_Wallace wrote: you have access to shops that sell blank card
I honestly didn't know such a thing existed...
Mark_Wallace wrote: a graphics app
Paint
Mark_Wallace wrote: Do people prefer the personal touch, or the knowledge that a parasitic corporation has been fed?
They prefer getting a card, I guess 
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Sander Rossel wrote: Paint
If you use Paint3D, you won't even have to fold the card!
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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go into the shop,
take a pic of the card you like,
edit the pic to b&w
text it over
- environmentally friendly (saves paper, it's recycling and can be re-recycled)
- lasts forever: all those govts & companies keeping your data
- can be shared, farceblock, instogran... (bonus: even more forever data retention)
Message Signature
(Click to edit ->)
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lopatir wrote: take a pic of the card you like,
Ten graphic designers, two kitties and one baby seal died when you wrote this.
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I'd much rather send her a WhatsApp message.
Except that I don't want to risk her asking "Thanks, when are you visiting?"
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Why do you bother with a card at all if you anyway don't want any social contact?
Otherwise I'd give them something that lasts instead, like an appletree. (assuming they have a garden)
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She send me a card for the birth of her child and I don't want to be rude so I just send one back.
We worked together a lot on school assignments, mostly because we both lived far away and didn't have a lot of friends in class.
But we have like nothing in common.
So after school I never bothered to contact her again until she contacted me.
We had some fairly good contact for a while, but now, years later, it's two messages a year, one on her birthday and one on mine.
It's not that I dislike her, but I don't have anything with her either.
Anyway, I hate maternity visits since I really don't like children and I don't like pretending I do.
If this was my best friend I really couldn't skip it, but it's not, it's someone who I haven't seen in years.
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Offer to babysit and mention you will bring your own duct tape.
You probably won't even get an email on your next birthday!
- I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
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Sander Rossel wrote: sickening stereotype
Sander Rossel wrote: You'd expect it to be more gender neutral or at least less stereotyping in 2019...
Soapbox.
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other.
Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it.
Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
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Alas, those old fuddy-duddies who still send physical cards via snail-mail are, unfortunately, unreconstructed reactionaries. For the most part, they think that boys should be boys, and girls should be girls. A bit odd, but it's (still?) a free country.
As for babies, you should be more welcoming. After all, they will be paying your old-age pension!
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows.
-- 6079 Smith W.
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Daniel Pfeffer wrote: A bit odd, but it's (still?) a free country.
Unfortunately, yes.
In my most humble opinion everybody should listen to me.
Sander for president!
Sending cards for births is pretty common though, certainly not only for old fuddy-duddies.
Daniel Pfeffer wrote: As for babies, you should be more welcoming. After all, they will be paying your old-age pension!
I hope I can pay my own pension.
And yeah, we do need kids, but until they're 12 or something they're pretty darn annoying 
I'll never have them
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