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Sounds like you are having a panic attack.
Panic Attack Symptoms | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA[^]
Quote: A panic attack is the abrupt onset of intense fear or discomfort that reaches a peak within minutes and includes at least four of the following symptoms:
Palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate
Sweating
Trembling or shaking
Sensations of shortness of breath or smothering
Feelings of choking
Chest pain or discomfort
Nausea or abdominal distress
Feeling dizzy, unsteady, light-headed, or faint
Chills or heat sensations
Paresthesia (numbness or tingling sensations)
Derealization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (being detached from oneself)
Fear of losing control or “going crazy”
Fear of dying
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To be entirely honest I have no real knowledge on such topic. And it sounds really strange too.
From the sound of it, to make an uneducated guess, it could be anxiety attack. Does your home projects makes you anxious?
I know some of them, which have dragged for way too long, do make me anxious...
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Member 14213599 wrote: I can work on my jobs project just fine just not my own.
I often experience the opposite. I've learned to "talk myself down" from the stress, expectations, and fears, particularly with regards to the realization that those symptoms are often due of sh*tty management and taking on responsibilities that I'm not being paid for nor agreed to.*
Perhaps you're setting yourself up to be your own worst enemy, with much higher expectations of your personal work. As silly as it sounds, maybe telling your inner boss to take a hike so you can simply just enjoy doing "your own job" would start to help.
* - in the job I recently left, the assistant VP and my direct manager sat down and, after being there for a year and half, finally gave me a point by point job description, including "taking over the projects that your manager is currently handling." I thanked that ArseVP for finally providing me with a job description, then pointed out that that was the first time I'd heard that, and I don't agree with it. Happily I found another job (and 4 months so far, loving it) soon after. ![Jig | [Dance]](https://codeproject.freetls.fastly.net/script/Forums/Images/jig.gif)
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Maybe too simple an explanation, but aren't you too demanding for yourself?
Your symptoms sound like burn out, but I'm not a doctor and there could be a physical cause for it as well.
So to be sure a medical examination would be a good idea I think 
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Maybe it's your subconscious telling you that you need more work/life balance and look for something other than coding to do in your spare time.
It may be considered blasphemous here but I don't do any outside coding. I spend time with my wife, children and grandchild.
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So how long have you called yourself a developer?
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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You're British.
Straighten your back, square your shoulders, tighten your upper lip, and get the Hell on with it.
Seriously.
Something inside you -- anxiety, fear of failure, it doesn't matter what -- is making you feel this way.
You've got to not let it take control.
Just say "F*** YOU!" as loudly as you can through gritted teeth, and get on with the job.
Leave the "poor me!" cr@p to the Americans and their analysts; you've got a British backbone, so use it.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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"poor me" is not exclusive to the U.S....
that crap goes on EVERYWHERE.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
-----
You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
-----
When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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Hey, since when were Texans Americans?
So it's nothing to do with you, anyway.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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I didn't mention texas. You mentioned Americans, and I was just chiming in because we have a treaty with them - just trying to be neighborly.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
-----
You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
-----
When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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Putting up with them northerners shows true Texan values. Proud to know ya.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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#realJSOP wrote: You mentioned Americans, and I was just chiming in because we have a treaty with them
Never heard it worded this way before, but it all makes sense.
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Sometimes it's "poor me" but sometimes it's a legit medical condition. Don't perpetuate the stigma that it's always just in someone's head or they're lazy.
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Even medical conditions cab be beaten back by force of will.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Are you the same person as the user on this forum with the name "Madness, Coding and Meds"?
I ask because you seem to be asking similar questions to "Madness, Coding and Meds" and your sentence structure seems rather similar to me.
Outside of that I don't think this is the best place to ask for professional mental health help.
It sounds like you have fairly serious symptoms and you'd probably be best helped by a doctor or mental health professional.
Do you have contact information in your country/region for mental health help?
“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”
― Christopher Hitchens
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Member 14213599 wrote: and when ever i push my self to finish something i get physically sick.
I've been there. Turns out, not only was I getting physically sick, I was churning out buggy code. This is of the variety:
Me: Doctor, it hurts when I do that.
Doctor: Then don't do it.
So I stopped pushing myself. I started releasing TakeStock and WeatherMate on my own schedule, regardless of the pressure (especially with TS) to get new features out the door. I found I was sleeping more, writing better code, and generally taking better care of my health. I'm now working on my first "real" Android app (that I intend to publish on the Play Store). The ante is upped with mobile apps. With every bug, less-than-optimal user experience and missing (in the eye of the user) feature, your app takes a beating on the app store. It doesn't matter if you spent months perfecting Feature X - if 90% of the users want Feature Y, your app is going to be mercilessly rated down.
So my 2¢'s is: STOP PUSHING YOURSELF. If you're not enjoying building apps on the side, don't build apps on the side. But assuming that you love doing this kind of stuff (and if you didn't, you wouldn't have posted on CP ), SLOW DOWN. Take your time over each feature. Don't rush to release. Return to enjoying the process of building your app!
/ravi
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Is a broadcast an all female theatre production?
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Never throw anything away, Griff
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or (b) American women in a shopping center?
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What's a broadside then??? 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
Mark Twain
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That's generally cause for divorce if discovered.
| Ravings en masse^ |
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| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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Nope, Female fishing tournament.
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And a podcast an alien invasion?
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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If they're in Singapore, let's hope it's not a musical.
| Ravings en masse^ |
|---|
| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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