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They are little deities and therefore can't fail at anything, so it must be your fault.
Did you ever see them get angry after doing something clumsy and then being laughed at? There are not so many animals that would be able to understand the meaning of laughter at all, much less the concept of Schadenfreude.
I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them were cats.
His last invention was an evil Lasagna. It didn't kill anyone, and it actually tasted pretty good.
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Had to do my Roomba away; it stole food from the cat, and they couldn't be friends anymore.
Bastard Programmer from Hell 
If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^]
"If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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I'm stealing one of the comments from the page since the language used suits my mood currently.
Quote: Of all the things that didn't happen this didn't happen the most.
Pick a 'reality-show' - any of the bloody things. They're a more honest representation of what actually happened than this. The final direction that end of the roll of paper-towel points in dispels any remaining uncertainty.
Fun video though, but the Roomba didn't do this alone.
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37. Blessing contains small particle (5)
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Blessing BO ON
contains
small S
particle
BOSON
Sent from my Amstrad PC 1640
Never throw anything away, Griff
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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raddevus wrote: It's all so FREAKING NOISY!!!  
That might be why they're changing their logo from "keurig" to "KEURIG".
They want you to be able to hear it over the sewer-works they're producing, these days
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Mark_Wallace wrote: They want you to be able to hear it over the sewer-works they're producing, these days
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Easy fix (I have one too), just turn down your hearing aids. That is what I do.. 
BTW: I am on my second one, the first would occasionally go to pumping for 3 seconds (first pump) and then stop. Had to unplug for a while to reset. Called them and they sent a new one. This one seems quieter (maybe my HA batteries are low).
Lou
If you can keep your head while those about you are losing theirs, perhaps you don't understand the situation.
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theoldfool wrote: Called them and they sent a new one.
Wonder if mine is doomed to the same eventuality?? 
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raddevus wrote: Does It Run Win10?
Who cares? The important question is: "Does it run Doom?"[^]
Sent from my Amstrad PC 1640
Never throw anything away, Griff
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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OriginalGriff wrote: The important question is: "Does it run Doom?"[^]
I just uploaded the linux version and it does! Where's the fire button?
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Perhaps if you bought a pair of noise cancelling head phones and duct tape them to the machine, it wouldn't make any noise. Worked on my dogs mouth...
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j snooze wrote: noise cancelling head phones and duct tape them to the machine,
It worked! 
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I started with multi-gb size XML files that would cause out-of-memory exceptions.
After I resolved that issue (by using XmlTextReader/XElement instead of XDocument), it was taking over 20 minutes to process the sample file set (434,000 rows). This is where I was on Friday.
I added some TPL love and got it down to about 12 minutes.
I reworked the target tables. At first, I was creating a single monolithic flat table, and a lot of data was being repeated for every record. I created two tables (one that holds the repeating data, and one that holds the unique data), and got it down to just a little over 6 minutes.
This code will replace a Perl script that:
0) Creates a bunch of smaller XML files, probably so it doesn't run out of memory
1) Took over an hour to process the same set of sample files.
2) Did not return all of the data (because the stakeholder doesn't really need it)
Added benefits:
0) My code can process ZIP (extracts NESSUS files from them for processing) and bare naked NESSUS files
1) Processes multiple files with a single execution
2) Puts ALL of the data into the database
Caveat: Because of the limited hardware the app will actually be running on, processing time will take longer (because of the TPL's default behavior), but not significantly so, and CERTAINLY not take an hour.
It's been a good weekend.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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And now ... the overtime claim ...
Sent from my Amstrad PC 1640
Never throw anything away, Griff
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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Nope, just did it for the fun of it.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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Are you sure you didn't do it to implicitly say someone... I told you so? 
M.D.V. 
If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about?
Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you
Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
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Nope - there were several challenging aspects to the project, and I enjoy a decent programming challenge.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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When you're stuck maintaining an existing project, optimizing the living crap out of somebody else's inefficient design can be rather rewarding, even when it's only to make yourself feel smug. Not suggesting this is the case here. Those time figures speak for themselves.
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And now the streaming SignalR version please 
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Just don't get too pissed off if it's sidelined for political or egoistic reasons.
That happens all the time, and (rightly) blowing your top only gives them more ammunition to snipe at you with.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Well, I was asked to do it if I had time, so...
I don't really care if it's used or not. Pretty much everything I've ever written for the government is no longer used for the very reasons you listed. I've kinda GOTTEN used to it. I see it as a learning experience, especially due to the large XML file stuff I had to work around.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
-----
You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
-----
When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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