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Well done Peejay, you're up tomorrow.
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That was a good one. Never would've got the old penny bit.
"This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedivere. Explain to me again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes"
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Why do the "we have noticed problems with your broadband router / PC / Windows installation" technical support people always ring when I'm busy?
There I am, browning the meat for a shepherd's pie, and the phone goes.
Strong Indian accent claiming his name is "Shirley Williams" and saying there is a problem with the router and had I noticed?
Damn it! If I wasn't cooking I could have had so much fun with the idiot! 
Oh, well, maybe (s)he'll call back...
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Ask him to hold and put the phone down.
Sin tack ear lol
Pressing the "Any" key may be continuate
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"Shirley, I have another call on the other line. Please stand by..."
(On the other line) "Strategic Air command? These are the coordinates for today's training exercise: (set of coordinates in India). Authentication: Sierra november alpha foxtrott uniform. My initials are oscar golf."
(Back to Shirley) " I'm back..."
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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We have an adage saying that, when a body enters its bath, the telephone rings.
So, are you gonna change your router? 
Loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
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It's like waiters who ask how your food is when you are chewing
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That ALWAYS happens to me! 
Could also simply be that I make sure not to leave any non-chewing time slots open where the waiter COULD have asked... If he was quick as lightning, that is! Efficiency, that's the key!!! 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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I'm convinced they do that on purpose. They lie in wait just out of your peripheral vision and spring at you the moment you insert a bite into your mouth.
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When they do, I give them a nice wide mouth full of food grin and say GHGHGHreat! Mmphhmmm! And wipe the food off with my sleeve. 
It was broke, so I fixed it.
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Oh, man, you still don't get it!
They have control of a number of the devices in your home - and watch carefully until just the right moment to call.
Meanwhile, standing around are a bunch more of these 'Shirleys' - eyes tearing as they laugh into their sleeves and watch you hustle to the phone. In Mumbai, you can actually subscribe to this service and watch the called scramble for the phone at inopportune moments whilst munching some nan.
I can't believe you didn't know that you were made into subscription entertainment!
| Ravings en masse^ |
|---|
| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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Listen to his speech when he collects his awards.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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That's already being taken care of - but they have requested of him his bank information so they can transfer his award. I don't know what's keeping him.
| Ravings en masse^ |
|---|
| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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Cooking the onions in the rendered meat fat and juices, that's what! 
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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My prayers go out to those onions.
| Ravings en masse^ |
|---|
| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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Get a better phone.
Mine blocks all calls from withheld numbers, and callers from unknown numbers have to announce themselves and press the "#" key before the phone rings and asks me if I want to accept the call.
I haven't had a single tech support scam call, double glazing sales call, or "we're just conducting a survey, so we can ignore the TPS" call since I got it.
Or, to be more precise: I have had those calls, but none of them have made it through the system to disturb me. 
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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I wish I could - our telephone supplier gives "no number blocking" for free - but the local Doctors surgery always calls in on an withheld number (understandable) and if Herself needs to speak to them about her drugs she is liable to forget how to turn it off.
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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It does have the option to turn off the withheld number blocking, in which case they have to jump through the same hoops as an unknown number.
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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That and winding them up is surprisingly easy, and good fun!
If only they would call when I had half an hour to play the idiot on the phone...
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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OriginalGriff wrote:
Oh, well, maybe (s)he'll call back...
Shirley not!
Haven't had one in a while, they are so much fun!
New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!
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OriginalGriff wrote: and the phone goes.
Wait.
1. You answer the phone for unrecognized numbers?
Wait.
If you're going to say
OriginalGriff It's a land line!
Wait.
2. You still have a landline?
Wait.
3. Are you saying you don't have caller ID on a landline? In 2016?
4. Are you saying you still have a landline with no caller ID, in 2016?
Wait.
Wait.
5. And, you still answer the phone?
What!?!
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raddevus wrote: You answer the phone for unrecognized numbers?
Yes - sometimes it's needed (Doctors and so forth, plus my mother's emergency button system called me on withheld numbers so it got to be a habit.
raddevus wrote: You still have a landline?
Yes - for broadband. Plus it's cheaper than mobile calls - at the moment all my calls to mobile or UK numbers are free for the first hour regardless of the time of day.
raddevus wrote: Are you saying you don't have caller ID on a landline? In 2016?
Oh, yes I do!
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Here in the US any unrecognized number is 100% of the time a scammer or pollster -- but I am being redundant.
And 100% of US Americans have cell phones. They are given to us by our gov't.
Radiant heat from wires is the #1 leading cause of global warming so we have outlawed them here.
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Because smart people are always busy and hope nobody bugs them.
My late Dad used to call me during the 1st quarter of MNF because he knew I'd be around then. Not that I'm smart or anything....
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