|
I spent my whole Saturday to the funeral of the husband of my wife's school friend. He hung himself last week, totally unexpected, nobody saw that coming. They already had a kid, the second one is 'due' in a couple of months - she's pregnant, to put it clearly ; all in all, I do not see how the situation could be worse for her.
She is completely under the shock, overreacting as were she constantly under cocaine. That funeral was the weirdest moment of my whole life so far (we're all close to our 40s - so church full with young people and kids), completely surreal, I do not think I have fully realized yet. She insisted of kids being there and even organized a part of the funeral with getting the kids involved (she is a school teacher). The image of a small kid with a ball in his hands, looking at the coffin of his father, without even -seemingly - understanding what was going on, is something I will not forget easily.
I was not at all close to him, paradoxically, even if we would go out or met with them from time to time - not a very talkative guy. I think there is nothing to understand in his move, and there is no point in judging.
But the whole situation hits me a lot - if anything, it will from now on revise some of my life priorities.
|
|
|
|
|
Woo! Elephant! 
Poor girl...she must be in a terrible state.
Did he try to explain why? Or just "I've had enough, goodbye"?
My sincere condolences to everyone involved. ![Rose | [Rose]](https://www.codeproject.com/script/Forums/Images/rose.gif)
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
|
|
|
|
|
OriginalGriff wrote: Did he try to explain why
Nope, it looks like a kind of ultimate brainfart.
|
|
|
|
|
What an awful situation.
It's often pretty hard to spot people who are at risk of suicide, most adults are really good at hiding this sort of thing, sometimes you never really know what has tipped them over the edge (and how quickly). One of the things I've heard is that people quite often appear to be getting better (if depression has been the problem) - what's really happened is they've made the decision to kill themselves and this has taken off the burden.
|
|
|
|
|
The same sort of thing can happen when someone starts on anti-depressants. Motivation to do something often recovers faster than happiness with the current situation. When someone is in a mental state of 'life isn't worth living, but killing myself would require too much effort to be worth it' starting treatment is dangerous because they start to perk up and then without any apparent warning disaster strikes. This is why people starting on treatment need to be monitored more closely than those who aren't medicated at all.
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
|
|
|
|
|
Keith Barrow wrote: It's often pretty hard to spot people who are at risk of suicide
If it were not such a taboo topic... There would be more warning from people at risk...
|
|
|
|
|
The problem is that most people who take their own lives, tend to do it without talking to anyone. The ones who talk about it can often be helped to go on with their lives, and fix what is wrong. See Research report: Men and Suicide | Samaritans[^] - sorry it's UK based, but their may be something similar (Befreinders International?) in your location.
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: The problem is that most people who take their own lives, tend to do it without talking to anyone.
If I take emotion out of the equation, that makes sense. If one is truly decided to kill themselves, they won't broadcast it. Others might try to stop them and that's the last thing they want.
|
|
|
|
|
As I said just above...
One (of many) reason people don't talk about it, is because it's a kind of taboo...
Silly, isn't it?!
|
|
|
|
|
Super Lloyd wrote: it's a kind of taboo
When I was growing up it was still a criminal offence to attempt suicide. We have not come all that far since then, despite the best efforts of many charitable organisations.
|
|
|
|
|
As a side note, a joke I always like to do in those case (it happens, suffering from chronic sickness I contemplated suicide in my worst moments! thankfully it looks like they war way past now!  ) :
If suicide is a criminal offense, is the death penalty applied to those who attempt it!? 
|
|
|
|
|
Fortunately it was not considered a capital offence.
|
|
|
|
|
Rage wrote: But the whole situation hits me a lot - if anything, it will from now on revise some of my life priorities.
How so? (That's genuine curiosity)
Marc
|
|
|
|
|
Well, I sort of realized that life can make such a twist at any moment ; I reckon this sounds very very trivial, but to me it was a big slap in the face.
So instead of spending hours at work for (often unpaid) overtime, I will go home earlier and play with my kids.
And talk more often and openly, even if only about daily life problems.
|
|
|
|
|
We are listening...Truly...
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
|
|
|
|
|
Well, for this, there is also Q&A. 
|
|
|
|
|
Rage wrote: So instead of spending hours at work for (often unpaid) overtime, I will go home earlier and play with my kids.
There are only 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
|
|
|
|
|
Rage wrote: And talk more often and openly, even if only about daily life problems.
Seconded!
Marc
|
|
|
|
|
Rage wrote: talk more often and openly, even if only about daily life problems.
Bang on. Shout it loud (especially when there are developers within earshot).
If you don't tell people what's getting you down, they won't know and can't help.
If you do tell them, you'll be surprised at how many are willing to help.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
|
|
|
|
|
That's terrible for her and the children for sure...
Of course he left and killed himself so for sure he was not having the best of the moments at that point, but of course now the wife has a very hard time in front of her...
That's terrible.
condolences to all the involved. ![Rose | [Rose]](https://codeproject.global.ssl.fastly.net/script/Forums/Images/rose.gif)
|
|
|
|
|
Such a hard loss in a problematic time has often such results (like under drugs). It is hard to recover. 
Keep looking after that family for a while, so they havent the feeling to be thrown in a big hole.
Press F1 for help or google it.
Greetings from Germany
|
|
|
|
|
KarstenK wrote: Keep looking after that family for a while
With all others family members and friends, we discussed a lot about how to do that in the coming weeks. It is not easy to find the right amount of "caring" while not being too intrusive - reminding her about what happened every other day is probably not the way to go either.
|
|
|
|
|
The poor girl probably wasn't quite in control of her thoughts, and believed that they would want to be there.
OTOH: twenty years from now, they'd probably be upset that they hadn't attended.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
|
|
|
|
|
Actually, I do not think it was not bad. Only very weird.
|
|
|
|
|
I think I read somewhere that men in their 40's and 50's are the group at highest risk of suicide.
Although I don't know his family I feel for them as suicide can bring a whole bunch of questions and emotions into people's lives, some of which are never resolved, as well as the pain of someone they love having just died.
“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”
― Christopher Hitchens
|
|
|
|
General 
News 
Suggestion 
Question 
Bug 
Answer 
Joke 
Praise 
Rant 
Admin 
Submit an article or tip
