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Meh. I could go both ways!
I am not a number. I am a ... no, wait!
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She's single...
She lives right across the street.
I can see her house from my living room.
I watched as she got home from work this evening.
I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway.
She knocked on my door... I rushed to open it.
She looks at me, and says,
"I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight?"
I immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free... I have no plans at all!"
Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my kids?"
New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!
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The man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds. I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon."
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, "Sir, there's no money in that account."
"I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend."
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Now you're talking...
New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!
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Mike Hankey wrote: Now you're talking...
"What? I can't hear you. Can you speak louder?"
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Didn't work! 
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Mike Hankey wrote: Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my kids?"
 This reminded me of @wizardzz 's reply[^] to DD. That's 4 years old one but still thank you for reminder.
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Good memory I had forgot that...wonder what ever happened to wizardzz, haven't heard from him a a long time.
New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!
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Possibly busy with his band
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He is/was a standup also wasn't he?
New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!
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I was wrong & you're right. He was just standup. That night[^]
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Hi Mike. Still doing the standup! I host a monthly showcase in Chicago and host a weekly open mic, even had some semi-famous comics stop by!
I started a new job last month after 4.5 years at my old place, so I'll be here posting questions as I learn the new gig's tech stack!
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Glad to hear your doing good wiz. When people stop posting on cp it's usually because they have a life and get busy with it but sometimes it's a more serious reason, glad yours is the former.
New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!
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Actually he was here not so long ago, two or three weeks.
Said "hi" and disappeared again 
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The last time he posted was 5 days ago...
#SupportHeForShe
Government can give you nothing but what it takes from somebody else. A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take everything you've got, including your freedom.-Ezra Taft Benson
You must accept 1 of 2 basic premises: Either we are alone in the universe or we are not alone. Either way, the implications are staggering!-Wernher von Braun
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A young lady of the night was hired by an old man's son to give his father some fun for his birthday.
She turned up on the old man's doorstep in her most revealing, but tasteful, clothing "I'm here to offer you super sex" to which the old man replied "I think I will have the soup".
“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”
― Christopher Hitchens
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New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!
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Entering my 55th year I got a three legged dog to attract interesting women. And it worked. The dog meets interesting women every day. I, on the other hand, have apparently become invisible. 
I am not a number. I am a ... no, wait!
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Needs to be motorized though. 
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I got it up to $19,240.00 but then I realized I'd only pay that if the rest of the X-Wing came with it...
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Software Zen: delete this;
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