|
compensation: Doe
Dat compensation, doe!
No, really, 350k+? That really does sound too good to be true...
|
|
|
|
|
I actually interviewed for this job.
Things went really well right up to the end where I was told that I would have to wear a tie on office days.
I walked out and didn't look back.
|
|
|
|
|
For 350-450K I'd dress in drag or go full nude.
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
|
|
|
|
|
If I went full nude, barf bags would need to be supplied to the others. 
Mongo: Mongo only pawn... in game of life.
|
|
|
|
|
Just a tie?!?
- I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
|
|
|
|
|
Let me run that through Google Translate... From "RecruiterSpeak" to "English"...
Kevin Marois wrote: compensation: Doe
"All salary figures below should be assumed to represent kilograms of venison"
Kevin Marois wrote: We are looking for an incredibly talented and gifted programmer to join us in developing a world changing platform that would be adopted by everyone in the world.
"Our platform was really revolutionary ten years ago, but it's already been done by ten other companies, and we think our trivial feature will be unique enough to compete against them."
Kevin Marois wrote: We need a programmer who has been developing websites and platforms since they were a teenager!
"If the Internet wasn't around (In its current form) when you were a teenager, you're too old and we won't hire you"
Kevin Marois wrote: C, C++, PHP, Python, Javascript, and Go would be the languages you have mastered!
"We don't know anything about programming, but my cousin's nephew said these are really popular right now"
Kevin Marois wrote: The pay for this position is incredibly high, between $350k to $450K annually.
"Paid in stock options that will soon become worthless"
Kevin Marois wrote: You will only be required to be in the office to work when needed. Otherwise you are allowed to work remotely, so long as you get your tasks completed on time.
"Our 'office' is actually the CEO's basement"
Kevin Marois wrote: Must have real talent, as we are creating a life changing platform that will change the medical industry.
"We don't know anything about the medical industry, but we heard there's a lot of money there, because... Obamacare!"
Kevin Marois wrote: The team would be small, as there would only be 3 other programmers working with you
"We're hoping we'll be able to find 3 or 4 people stupid enough to take this job"
Kevin Marois wrote: We have set aside 5 million to pay programmers, so this position is incredibly high paying
"In stock options, of course."
Kevin Marois wrote: Please apply ONLY if you are truly skilled at programming
"And please don't lie, because we'll have no way of verifying whether you actually know how to program."
|
|
|
|
|
Ian Shlasko wrote: "And please don't lie, because we'll have no way of verifying whether you actually know how to program."
That's so easy! First, just find an "interview questions" article, then...
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
|
|
|
|
|
Can't do that! What if the candidate has read the same article? They should find about ten different "interview questions" articles, and then take a few pieces from each one... Make sure to take entire clauses, not just individual words...
For example...
"What's the difference between Polymorphism and Quicksort?"
"How would you estimate how many manhole covers there are on an airplane?"
|
|
|
|
|
I thought that was the idea of "interview questions" articles? You learn 'em, the interviewer asks 'em, you parrot them back, you get the job!
So obviously only the real, top quality, most experienceder of the experienciest, bestest of the bestest programmers would read them. 
[OT]
Google would appear to believe that "experienceder" is a real word, but "experienciest" isn't...
[/OT]
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
|
|
|
|
|
[OT]
You just spelt it wrong, it's 'experiencist'.
[/OT]
|
|
|
|
|
What you've assumed is that the pay is in US Dollars, it's not. They're actually paying you in Chilean Pesos.
|
|
|
|
|
No, no, it really is paid in Dollars.
OK, Zimbabwean Dollars, but hey ...
|
|
|
|
|
Nothing like a little arrogance to fuel a new startup! Unfortunately, literally everyone thinks they have the next big thing; yet they never actually do. Good luck to the poor sap that gets suckered by this non-sense!
|
|
|
|
|
If my grandmother had wheels she'd be a wagon!
|
|
|
|
|
In-casket video streaming?
|
|
|
|
|
Wait, I was a teenager earlier this year, and have been programming for 3 years. I have slight knowledge of all of these, and I guess that would make me an expert. Where do I sign up?
|
|
|
|
|
Kevin Marois wrote: You will only be required to be in the office to work when needed.
...but the office is in Homs, Syria.
|
|
|
|
|
Message Closed
modified 16-Sep-15 12:06pm.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Get it in the f***ing sea!
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
|
|
|
|
|
Better not let Mrs. Nagy find out about those slippers.
Life is too shor
|
|
|
|
|
I bet that would go great with crackers and Unicorn meat[^]!
Will Rogers never met me.
|
|
|
|
|
Forgot about that!!
I'd rather be phishing!
|
|
|
|
|
Now there's a superfood 
Bastard Programmer from Hell 
If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^]
|
|
|
|
|
Maximilien wrote: Please Nagy, try it and report back!!!
As you wish.
glug glug glug
Mmm. I have tried it, a couple of weeks ago. It is not Gin, it is a Gin based Liqueur. When you discount the 'real silver' [IIRC it was more likely the horse than the metal] gimmicky bellecks, it wasn't too bad. It has a strong citrus tone and is drinkable, but would be best quickly followed by a dirty martini.
veni bibi saltavi
|
|
|
|
General 
News 
Suggestion 
Question 
Bug 
Answer 
Joke 
Praise 
Rant 
Admin 
Submit an article or tip
