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An Engineer was unemployed for long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: "Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000."
One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.
Doctor: "I have lost taste in my mouth."
Engineer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor: "This is Gasoline!"
Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.
Doctor: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Engineer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor: "But that is Gasoline!"
Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Doctor: "My eyesight has become weak."
Engineer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000."
Doctor: "But this is $500..."
Engineer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is SILENCE, the second is LISTENING, the third MEMORY, the forth, PRACTICE and the fifth is TEACHING others!
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Now, this is one engineer joke I never heard (and still I didn't because I read it) 
Geek code v 3.12
GCS d--- s-/++ a- C++++ U+++ P- L- E-- W++ N++ o+ K- w+++ O? M-- V? PS+ PE- Y+ PGP t++ 5? X R++ tv-- b+ DI+++ D++ G e++>+++ h--- r++>+++ y+++*
Weapons extension: ma- k++ F+2 X
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Wanted saying this joke surfaced on a Nigerian blog days back then I saw the name!
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The question I have is how do you cure engineers of Excel?
Life is like a s**t sandwich; the more bread you have, the less s**t you eat.
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Two sharks swimming in the ocean come across a group of survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me son. Today I will show you the correct way to eat humans" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the group of people floating in the water.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with full fins showing." And they did.
“ Now, every few seconds we pop out of the water, open our mouths and let them see our teeth” And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they had both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why do all this? Why not just eat them?"
Said the wise papa shark,
"Because they taste better when there is no sh*t inside them!"
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Sick... but funny.
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
--Winston Churchill
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Oh my god!
Leslie Nielsen was the father shark!
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And the son was probably Leonard Nimoy. 
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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Movie Quote Of The Day
cavorting with nefarious characters
Which movie?
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Q&A: The Movie
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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The Teenage Paris Hilton.
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The Jonas Brothers
Geek code v 3.12
GCS d--- s-/++ a- C++++ U+++ P- L- E-- W++ N++ o+ K- w+++ O? M-- V? PS+ PE- Y+ PGP t++ 5? X R++ tv-- b+ DI+++ D++ G e++>+++ h--- r++>+++ y+++*
Weapons extension: ma- k++ F+2 X
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For a Few Dollars More
Your time will come, if you let it be right.
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Harry Potter and the coder who shall not be name
Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians.
Help end the violence EAT BACON
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Cthulhu night storys
if(this.signature != "")
{
MessageBox.Show("This is my signature: " + Environment.NewLine + signature);
}
else
{
MessageBox.Show("404-Signature not found");
}
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They made a movie adaptation of the ASCII table? 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Indiana Jones and the daily scrum meeting of doom
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
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How the SO ban hammer smashes the sunshines that make QA a seething pit of stupid.
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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If the past is buried, did it dig its own grave, while the illusion of the present reflected off the future looked on, laughing ?
thanks to Peter Leow's recent post-title here for triggering this particular fathom of the shallows' depth.
«To kill an error's as good a service, sometimes better than, establishing new truth or fact.» Charles Darwin in "Prospero's Precepts"
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"And you don't spend time gossiping around the coffee machine".
"Plus we've hardly observed you spending time on the Internet except for technical stuff*".
"Also, you're always well-behaved during meetings, never complaining".
*CP
modified 9-Mar-15 1:34am.
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And he is well behaved and never snores during meetings.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
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WTF kind of commercial, production phase, web service returns each type of response nicely wrapped in an XML document, in a Response element, but the Images component of the service either returns raw JPEG bytes as a string when the call is successful, and an error message nicely wrapped in the old Response element when the vall fails, e.g. bad credentials. So one URL, for one method on the service, returns either a binary string, or an XML message? 
No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly. - Oscar Wilde
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It is interoperable and scalable and highly configurable.
A. we want to get rid of XML and starting using binary. Can your service do this?
B. Hell yeah.
A. What if we reverse the previous proposition?
B. Hell yeah.
A. Wow! that is awesome. Will the client applications and other consumers have any issue with it?
B. Client who? My service is working fine, right?
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