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Mid last week, my temperature was running high and since I am clearly not a fan of hospitals, I thought it was best to limit myself to the confines of my room until the sickness disappears but my mom was having none of that. She dragged me to the hospital.
My first reaction when I got there was "WTH! This is crowded."
I signed up for a medical consultation and found a place to sit.
After 3 hours of waiting, the bad tempered nurse at the reception area called my name.
Thank God, I thought.
Before she let me into the doctor's office, she put me on a height scale, weight scale and proceeded to pump my BP.
"Nurse, Its just fever not a modelling audition. Are all these necessary?" I asked giggling.
She frowned at me and increased the pressure till the friction numbed my arms. That was her way of telling me to shut the hell up.
I was not surprised to say the least.
Its no news some Nigerian female nurses are far from polite. Especially those ones with big buttocks that are always roaming from ward to ward with a tray of injections, looking for an innocent patient to stab.
Like someone said on twitter, its only in Nigeria the nurses would wake you up from sleep to give you sleeping pills.
When I got into the examination room, I was expecting some sort of gadget to be used on me but everything was done MANUALLY. The doctor even used his palm to gauge my temperature rather than a thermometer.
Ose baddest doctor!!!
"So what is wrong with you?" He asked.
"That is your job doctor. If I knew I wouldn't be here."
No, that was not my reply. Clearly in Nigerian hospitals, you are expected to diagnose your problem in your house so you don't waste the doctor's time at the hospital.
"Fever." I replied.
For all I know it could be a fever disguising as TB. God Forbids!
A cancerous fever. God Forbids!
A brain tumour fever. God Forbids!!
Ebola Fever. God Forbids!!!
But no, not in our hospitals. The first rule they operate in is,
"All facts surrounding a fever must be twisted and twisted until the final diagnosis reads MALARIA."
Now I made his job easier, he began manipulating my replies.
"How is it doing you?" He asked.
Na wa o. See question.
I used my palm to massaged my chin for a few seconds and then I said,
"Its doing me somehow oh."
"You have headache?"
"No"
"Loss of appetite?"
"I guess."
"Cough?"
"No."
"Cold?"
"Small."
He turned to my mom this time. "Madam, she has malaria!" He exclaimed.
*sigh* As usual. Don't we all?
It seemed he forgot to ask me when last I saw my period in his line of questions. My heart broke some years back when a malaria diagnosing doctor threw the question at a twelve year old Naija single girl.
The only diagnosis these doctors are good at making are malaria, pregnancy and HIV.
All my life, whenever I go to the hospital, I always return home with the same malaria declaration after the doctor has assessed me MANUALLY. Sometimes when the doctor is in a good mood, he takes my hard earned blood and upgrades me to typhoid. This is the reason my dad almost bundled me to a native doctor when a medical doctor told him the chances of his fragile 5-year old Naija single girl surviving malaria were 20:80.
At least native doctors have high-tech equipment like a calabash for skyping with sango, a speaking mirror and no-nonsense oracles.
Even when I roll into the hospital from the expressway with green blood dripping from my nose, blue mucus dripping from my mouth and down syndrome attitude, Its still malaria!
Back to our story.
It was time for drug administration. My favourite part where the doctor gets to clear the shelves of the in-house pharmacy for me. The closer the drugs are to their expiration date, the more generous he gets.
Five transparent nylon of drugs were given to me. First contained several tablets of paracetamol, second contained those medium size multi vitamins, third contained more than twenty tiny yellow tablets, fourth contained a green coloured anti malaria tablets and the last one, orange vitamic C.
"Take all of it. Directives are on the pack for your dosage." The doctor commanded.
All ke? He didn't even have conscience.
That was when I gave into a hysterical laughter. I laughed to the point that I felt the fever leaving me in annoyance.
When I walked back to the reception, I wanted to grab a mic to announce to the impatient prospective patients to return home. After all, their problem is either pregnancy or malaria.
Finally home, it was time for me to be my own doctor as usual. I tossed everything into my trashcan except for my vitamic C which became my hourly tomtom.
Until our health care system improves, I know what to do when sickness strikes again.
Migraine : Alabukun powder
Headache : Panadol
Catarhh : Procold
Purging : Flagyl
Boil : Robb
Waist pain : Aboniki balm
Madness : Native doctor
Dislocated bone : Pastor Chris Oyakilome
HIV : Prophet T B Joshua
#Copied 
source: "THIS IS WHY WE NEED BABALAWOS IN NIGERIAN HOSPITALS" by Naija Single Girl http://naijasinglegirl.com/this-is-why-we-need-babalawos-in-nigerian-hospitals/[^]
Disclaimer: Naijasinglegirl will not be liable for any losses, injuries, or damages arising from this satirical post. Nigerian Medical Association, take note. The rest of you should shun self medication so you don’t end up mad like me. LOL
modified 3-Dec-14 3:37am.
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This is enjoyable writing, but why not credit the source which is the blog of (supposedly) a Nigerian young woman named Naija: [^].
Please note that her blog essay has a copyright notice.
«OOP to me means only messaging, local retention and protection and hiding of state-process, and extreme late-binding of all things. » Alan Kay's clarification on what he meant by the term "Object" in "Object-Oriented Programming."
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I acknowledge the write up isn't mine by putting "#copied" at the end, but seriously never heard of the blog. I saw it somewhere else on the net who didn't acknowledge the source! I will make amend now. Thanks
PS: Her name is not Naija, Naija is Nigerian Pidgin English[^] for Nigeria!
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Oso Oluwafemi Ebenezer wrote: After 3 hours of waiting, the bad tempered nurse at the reception area called my name.
Its the same in the UK except waiting time is 4 hours. 
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Y'know, I really couldn't be bothered reading such a long text... 
Besides, I still haven't received the money from Nigeria they promised me the last time I did it... 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
-----
The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Wait, I promised you some cash? Oh, send your ATM card and PIN number to me, I will credit your account.
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Johnny 5 is alive! Bad human! 
.'\ /`.
.'.-.`-'.-.`.
..._: .-. .-. :_...
.' '-.(o ) (o ).-' `.
: _ _ _`~(_)~`_ _ _ :
: /: ' .-=_ _=-. ` ;\ :
: :|-.._ ' ` _..-|: :
: `:| |`:-:-.-:-:'| |:' :
`. `.| | | | | | |.' .'
`. `-:_| | |_:-' .'
`-._ ```` _.-'
``-------'/xml>
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I thought he was supposed to be a genius? 
There are only 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
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Yeah, genius is a term from the last century. He's an expert in physics, not a genius.
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Andy Brummer wrote: Yeah, genius is a term from the last century. He's an expert in physics, not a genius.
Well said. Genius is a term for the last century.
"Expert in..." much better.
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Well, gosh, it makes more sense to me that whatever replaces Homo Sap (after we self-destruct) would be to us left-behinds-and-extincted ...
... as the little rat-like critter ... that was the ancestor of all mammals [^] ...
... was to the asteroid-gone-bye-bye dinosaurs ...
... if we haven't left behind a radioactive wasteland of a planet with poisonous oceans, in which case, my money's on cockroaches.
And, if we survive, I don't think we'll be exterminated; we're too innately programmed to be excellent slaves for that.
But, I mean ... like wow ! ... isn't it enough that we're all gonna die ?
cheers, Bill
«OOP to me means only messaging, local retention and protection and hiding of state-process, and extreme late-binding of all things. » Alan Kay's clarification on what he meant by the term "Object" in "Object-Oriented Programming."
modified 3-Dec-14 3:34am.
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Been watching too many terminator movies if you ask me.
Wrong is evil and must be defeated. - Jeff Ello
(√-sh*t) 2
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Life is more than AI - most of us believe humanity has a cause to live! Can we give machines a cause?
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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There is no purpose or point to life other than that to which we ascribe to it ourselves. Love, happiness, family, friends.....these are the things that make life worth cherishing.
"There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult." - C.A.R. Hoare
Home | LinkedIn | Google+ | Twitter
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Although I think he makes a valid point, we are a long way from ever achieving the level of AI that could threaten our existence.
Before we ever get there, we will almost certainly have destroyed our species in some other way.
The zombie apocalypse is imminent 
"There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult." - C.A.R. Hoare
Home | LinkedIn | Google+ | Twitter
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Maybe he saw the Matrix and now is having nightmares
Jokes apart:
I kinda agree with him. If machines get to really think and have self-conciousness... I don't know what will be after that, but I think it won't be nice.
M.D.V. 
If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about?
Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you
Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
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Oh well, we've had a good run. Worse things happen at sea and all that.. 
How do you know so much about swallows? Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.
modified 31-Aug-21 21:01pm.
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We're there already. Smartphones are in control and humans are simply drones. The amazing thing is how they allow their human host to think they are the controlling intelligence.
Peter Wasser
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." - Bertrand Russell
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There are only 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
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pwasser wrote: Smartphones are in control and humans are simply drones.
So true. Most people cannot drive a car without their smartphone.
...Let's see, just got a text. Need to check it but I will probably drive over the old woman crossing the street, if I do so. Well, no matter, must check text!!!!
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I don't think you need to think in terms of 'Rise of the Robots'. If you rise the level of AI or computation to one where a lot of things would be almost certainly predictable (weather, sports event, etc...), then it will maybe not be the end of Humanity, but life would certainly be more bitter.
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Entropy isn't what it used to.
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I'm curious if there are any BASIC programmers around here?
I have an old BASIC structure that I'm curious about what it is doing.
This is from a piece of code that is 30 years old, last month.
10 READ T$
20 C=ASC(SEG$(T$,1,1))-64
30 N=ASC(SEG$(T$,2,1))-C
40 Y=N-26*(N<32)
5000 DATA THINBCHA
REM #### LINE 10 read DATA into T$ (THINBCHA)
REM #### LINE 20 get the first char stored in T$ (as a byte) and subtract 64 from that value,
REM #### (cont') store value in var C
REM #### LINE 30 get 2nd char stored in T$, subtract value of C and store in N
REM #### LINE 40 Okay, what is the value of Y?
REM #### The part I'm confused about is what does (N<32) do? I thought it was a bit shift, but why would it be 32 bits when I believe a byte on these old machines (APPLE II, TI-99) would've been only 8 bits max?
REM ### HINT: This code is doing some kind of XOR data encryption / decryption on those bytes, so that the final value of THINBCHA should be some valid English word after you convert the bits.
I just can't understand what that operation 26*(N<32)
It kind of makes you think it would be 26*(BOOLEAN) such as 26*(1) or 26*(0), but if that were true then I'm not sure why the dev didn't just do *1 or *0, so I don't think that is what it was doing.
Has anyone seen BASIC code like this?
It's just an interesting puzzle to me. I was able to figure out all the other things, like
1. weird data read syntax READ T$ just reads that data in
2. odd function called SEG$()
But this one I can't look up, because N<32 means something quite different when involved with an if statement.
Is anyone interested in this old puzzle?
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