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If it don't belong to you, you've got no right to touch it. I hate touch screens, makes me feel too bossy.
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...saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck."
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down
the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and
instinctively he swerved to hit him.
But he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute
he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. But even though he was sure
he missed the lawyer he still heard a loud "THUMP".
He glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said,
"I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."
"That's okay," replied the priest.
"I got him with the door!"
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I am glad you have found a non-offensive way to present the joke.
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If somebody could tell me a fool-proof way of identifying a lawyer from a distance, I'd oil the hinges on my car door.
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I'm an optoholic - my glass is always half full of vodka.
=========================================================
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The Fin on their back and the big rows of teeth.
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Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur .
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That's a very sharkist comment!
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I'm an optoholic - my glass is always half full of vodka.
=========================================================
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Oh Cod! Here we go again...
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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What's the difference between a shark and a traffic warden?
One's a fearsome creature that attacks at random, draining your life blood, and the other's a shark!
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I'm an optoholic - my glass is always half full of vodka.
=========================================================
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For "Lawyer" read "Traffic Warden"... 
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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They don't exist any more - they have been replaced by the even more dreaded "Civil Enforcement Officer"
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I'm an optoholic - my glass is always half full of vodka.
=========================================================
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They have advantages: they have a single blue line on the hat / baseball cap, rather than two yellow lines.
This means you are allowed to park on their heads...
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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But only during the period noted on the signage!
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Ah no - it's always open season! 
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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yeah, even lawyers are gonna shrug and nod at that.
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Are disappointing.
Despite being the subject of a court case supposedly involving a giant biscuit cake to show they are not liable to VAT, and specialist monitoring systems[^] being built to check they are OK on the production line (which is over a mile long), they are very disappointing to eat.
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
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Depends on which ones you buy: the McVities ones are indeed pretty poor these days: so-so sponge, tasteless "orangey bit" and little chocolate.
The Lyons ones are much better for "orangeyness" and good chocolate thickness, but a dry sponge; while the Tesco version is ok sponge, good "orangeyness" but spray paint chocolate to ensure an even one molecule thickness...
None of them dunk well.
I quite like these: Asda Milk Chocolate Oatie Crumbles[^] - despite being milk chocolate rather than plain, they are similar to McVities milk chocolate hobnobs[^] but better. Can't eat many at a time though - which is a bonus!
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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Quote: Depends on which ones you buy
NO! If you don't like Jaffa cakes there is something wrong with you, so I'd recommend a visit to a doctor. Preferably a proctologist, as your tastebuds is full of sh*te.
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Oh, I got to remember that one. 
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Pretend to be a flower.
Go pollinate yourself.
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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LOL - Very elegantly put! 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Won't that be inbreeding? 
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Not stolen, recycled!
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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Nah, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
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Imitation without attribution is plagiarism 
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