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How about keep it short, and make it popular: "The bars open, and the drinks are on me" would fit both criteria very nicely.
The universe is composed of electrons, neutrons, protons and......morons. (ThePhantomUpvoter)
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It's a free bar. Well it's one of them right posh dos with penguins walking around with bottles.
Anyway, all I need to do is "Welcome, thank you Mr X for coming, enjoy the focking fulk dancing and facking fucinating embroidery. Bish, bash, bosh, let's hit the nosh." Then I have to spread that out over 5 frogging minutes.
Reality is an illusion caused by a lack of alcohol
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: Then I have to spread that out over 5 frogging minutes.
Talk very slowly and loudly.
The universe is composed of electrons, neutrons, protons and......morons. (ThePhantomUpvoter)
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And interrupt yourself several times by saying, "but seriously folks..."
XAlan Burkhart
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: Then I have to spread that out over 5 frogging minutes. Check out the buzzword-bingo forum. I'm sure that it can be used to generate a five-minute lore ipsum
Bastard Programmer from Hell
If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^]
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Before some time was posted in the Lounge link for bacon ipsum 
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: 5 frogging minutes.
You have to deliver the address in French?
Will Rogers never met me.
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Thought the answer to your title was 'Nagy'.
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Or "the population of Portsmouth"
Reality is an illusion caused by a lack of alcohol
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"Nagy Vilmos" in Hungarian means "A great protector"!
Are you really, Nagy?
Never underestimate the difference you can make in the lives of others.
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No it doesn't, well of a sort maybe. Nagy means big or great and Vilmos is the Hungarian version of William.
Reality is an illusion caused by a lack of alcohol
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What kind of a broke Hungarian are you Mr Protector?
Of course the uneducated may only know the William equivalent ...
but, see
Yes, it does! (and I am not even one inch Hungarian)
and boo you, for making me ask Dr. google to make sure I don't turn out all stupid...
Disclosure: I actually think "great protector" is quite a cool name (although not too modest)!
Never underestimate the difference you can make in the lives of others.
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Try Mr Big. Hungarian names are Family first then Given; for example Spielberg Istvan the famous director.
Reality is an illusion caused by a lack of alcohol
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well, did you ask your mom about Vilmos already?
e.g.:
"Hi mom, yes, I know I didn't call you for over a week, yes ... yes mom
anyway, I just wanted to ask you about something here, see this strange guy over at CP says that Vilmos means protector, what do you reckon, huh mom? is he talking rubbish? or did I just turn out as Mr. not-so-Big?"
Never underestimate the difference you can make in the lives of others.
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Considering I'm not Hungarian [don't tell] I think she wouldn't understand. The truth? You can't handle the truth! Actually you probably can.
My name is William hence the Vilmos. When I first worked out in Hungary my then boss called me Big Willy and so the Nagy Vilmos name came along when I needed a name for my hotmail account. I still use the name as Mrs Wife finds it funny.
Reality is an illusion caused by a lack of alcohol
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Quote: don't tell
I promise
Never underestimate the difference you can make in the lives of others.
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Just ramble in Hungarian (about the weather or the countryside or something) for a few minutes.
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Half of the audience will be Hungarian; no can do.
Reality is an illusion caused by a lack of alcohol
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Can you manage a convincing 'illness'?
(Nothing too bad though, you will need to recover quickly enough to carry on drinking).
---------------------------------
Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur.
CCC Link[ ^]
Can you Help?
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You fool, they'll never let me to the bar if I don't say something!
Reality is an illusion caused by a lack of alcohol
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Give them this:
I apologize for my voice, I've apparently caught something from one of my lovely daughters, If you don't mind I'll make this short... cough... rub throat and smile… croak out an unintelligible word and say excuse me, drink something and sit down.
It was broke, so I fixed it.
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 When I consider the magnitude of the subject which I am to bring before the gathering - a subject, in which the interests, not of this country, nor of Europe alone, but of the whole world, and of posterity, are involved: and when I think, at the same time, on the weakness of the advocate who has undertaken this great cause-when these reflections press upon my mind, it is impossible for me not to feel both terrified and concerned at my own inadequacy to such a task.
But when I reflect, however, on the encouragement which I have had, through the whole course of a long and laborious examination of this question, and how much candour I have experienced, and how conviction has increased within my own mind, in proportion as I have advanced in my labours;
when I reflect, especially, that however averse any gentleman may now be, yet we shall all be of one opinion in the end;
when I turn myself to these thoughts, I take courage-I determine to forget all my other fears, and I march forward with a firmer step in the full assurance that my cause will bear me out, and that I shall be able to justify upon the clearest principles, every resolution in my hand.
When I think about the great things our nations have achieved together such as......
Then I'd look bewildered and mutter for the remaining time of the speech. Everything except the last line is an almost verbatim copy of the first William Wilberforce's speech in favour of the abolition of the slave trade to the House of Commons, so no one will notice.
“Education is not the piling on of learning, information, data, facts, skills, or abilities - that's training or instruction - but is rather making visible what is hidden as a seed” “One of the greatest problems of our time is that many are schooled but few are educated”
Sir Thomas More (1478 – 1535)
modified 9-May-13 9:20am.
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That gets a :powerUp:. I have just been asked for a draft of my introduction by the stupid bitch organiser to make sure she doesn't pre-empt what I wish to say. Gud Foocking Luck there!
Actually on a read through I have around 5 minutes, it mentions half a dozen interesting Anglo/British facts covers all the entertainment to be had and introduces the [dis]honourable guests.
That, my friend, is sorted. Now for a shower and start to get ready.
Reality is an illusion caused by a lack of alcohol
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: Anglo/British
As opposed to Celtic/British?
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Well fock me, a tipping mistake. Obviously I meant either Hungarian/British or Anglo/Hungarian. Or shyt.
Reality is an illusion caused by a lack of alcohol
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