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One of the nice parts of going mad (yes there are actually some bright spots to it, at least in my case) is as it loosened some of my screws it gave me more room to maneuver analytically and think outside the box.
One of the things it did for me intellectually was get me more interested in fuzzy "human" data and with it, an interest in philosophy and language.
One of the things it did for me experientially is it gave me "visions" if you will (visual hallucinations) and with those, some I think? rare insight into something I call the meta - the clockwork of action/reaction chains that drive our collective story forward.
One of the things it did for me professionally is make my code less structured, yet IMO more elegant. The way I attack problems has changed somewhat - or maybe going mad just brought something that was already there to the fore, I'm not sure.
So part of me is grateful for the experience. It's certainly not all good, and on balance the bad almost certainly outweighs the good, but I like to try to take away as much useful experience as I can from my circumstances.
Real programmers use butterflies
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I put my money on the fact that you are not mad or going mad, at all. Perhaps a bit eccentric, but that is always good IMHO. Just saying...
What ‘Am I Crazy?’ Really Means[^]
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This is one of those irregular verbs:
- I have character
- You are eccentric
- He is crazy
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows.
-- 6079 Smith W.
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Another one is
- I'm a freedom fighter
- You're a rebel
- He's a terrorist
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Greg Utas wrote: You're a rebel
She's a rebel, she's a saint
She's the salt of the earth, and she's dangerous
She's a rebel, vigilante
Missing link on the brink of destruction
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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- I provide background information
- You leak
- He is in violation of section D of the Official Secrets Act
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows.
-- 6079 Smith W.
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Nailed it! 
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It's a bet you would lose. Eccentric people don't hallucinate and have significant delusions when unmedicated.
Real programmers use butterflies
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So, what anti-psychotic meds are you "not taking" and why are you not taking them?
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I'm currently medicated. I don't want to get into my specific medications here.
Real programmers use butterflies
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Well, I wish you the best on this adventure. At least you are able to find ways to benefit from all of this, which is always good.
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honey the codewitch wrote: Eccentric people don't hallucinate and have significant delusions when unmedicated
Nope, they pay shady characters to buy substances that make them do it.
GCS d--(d-) s-/++ a C++++ U+++ P- L+@ E-- W++ N+ o+ K- w+++ O? M-- V? PS+ PE- Y+ PGP t+ 5? X R+++ tv-- b+(+++) DI+++ D++ G e++ h--- r+++ y+++* Weapons extension: ma- k++ F+2 X
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I wasn't aware - but reading your points made me think that I'm mad too...
"The only place where Success comes before Work is in the dictionary." Vidal Sassoon, 1928 - 2012
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I certainly hope thar you are speaking metaphorically.
If not, whatever is stressing you you should take a break from it.
If you start seeing purple talking spiders, get to a psychiatrist ASAP.
ed
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Slow Eddie wrote: If you start seeing purple talking spiders, get to a psychiatrist ASAP.
What do you do if the psychiatrist sees them, too? 
(Seriously, I second Eddie's advice!)
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows.
-- 6079 Smith W.
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Just remember that you are under no obligation to follow the rules of others.
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honey the codewitch wrote: One of the nice parts of going mad
honey the codewitch wrote: One of the things it did for me experientially is it gave me "visions" if you will (visual hallucinations)
Then you need help.
Not a discussion, an observation.
For sleep deprivation, audio-hallucinations come before seeing things. It was scary as sh*t to me and you act like it's routine.
honey the codewitch wrote: So part of me is grateful for the experience
So, where you planning your holidays?
Bastard Programmer from Hell 
"If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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Eddy Vluggen wrote: Then you need help.
I got help. I wouldn't be medicated otherwise. Or did you think I was buying anti-psychotics out of the back of a van? 
Eddy Vluggen wrote: It was scary as sh*t to me and you act like it's routine.
It gets less scary over time.
Anyway, I don't see why the reaction. People tend to have freakouts over mental illness, but it's just part of the human continuum.
Real programmers use butterflies
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honey the codewitch wrote: I got help. I wouldn't be medicated otherwise. Or did you think I was buying anti-psychotics out of the back of a van?
Get some better help.
honey the codewitch wrote: It gets less scary over time.
For now. You don't want to hallucinate nightmares. Eventually it blurs together.
So, how scary can your mind imagine?
honey the codewitch wrote: Anyway, I don't see why the reaction. People tend to have freakouts over mental illness, but it's just part of the human continuum.
So you a bit brighter than the rest of us; I enjoy your posts. Might be evolution even.
I do freak out about hallucinations. It means something wrong. Ehr, I got that tshirt. If you seen some of my messages then you know that future. Here there be dragons.
Bastard Programmer from Hell
"If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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Why should I get better help? Getting better help won't make hallucinations that I have had in the past somehow not have happened. I don't know of any therapists gifted in the art of time travel. Do you?
Real programmers use butterflies
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honey the codewitch wrote: Why should I get better help? Getting better help won't make hallucinations that I have had in the past somehow not have happened.
If it was a hallucination then it didn't happen. It's a dream, no more.
You know this better than me.
Bastard Programmer from Hell
"If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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If what I saw really happened I wouldn't be calling it a hallucination! You seem to want to misunderstand me. Is it deliberate?
Real programmers use butterflies
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