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i was one of the first customers [^].
Something went wrong with their face-recognition entry, but, it only took me an hour to reset my password and security questions. It was like so cool they played my favorite music, Samuel Barber's Adagio (Hauser on the cello), while i waited, to help me keep my chill. And, when my favorite brew, hazelnut spiked latte, popped out of a little orifice i hadn't noticed ... wow !
The greeter-droid apologized profusely for the delay, and told me i had a US $5 discount on whatever i purchased today. Then it asked me what i was shopping for.
i said: "A sequined spandex tank-top like Gary Glitter used to wear."
Droid: "What size, what color ?"
Me: "US XL, black, multi-color sequins."
The Droid took 15 seconds to respond: "Please look at the images on the display wall panel ... eye-tracking will show the image you are looking at on the SuperScreen underneath the wall panel; you can tell Alexa to freeze the current image, to move the items on the wall panel right, or left ... we see you have already earned "Expert" status for using Alexa ... any questions, just ask,"
Me: "Is there a Gary Glitter official groupie tank-top available ?"
Droid: "The pictures on the wall panel are arranged from left-to-right, prioritized in terms of similarity to your specification. In this case, there is no 100% match in stock."
Me: "Is that Bowie in the first picture ?"
Droid: "Yes, we can have that here for you to try on in five minutes."
Me: "Okay."
Me: "Wait ... is that tank-top, by any chance, made by Uighur Muslims in Xinjiang who are now being 're-educated' ?"
Droid: [after 15 seconds] "We are sorry Sir, but, per our agreement with China, goods are supplied through wholesalers who are prevented from disclosing factory locations in China."
Me: "Okay ... can you show me models made outside China, Rwanda, and the Congo ?"
Droid: [wall panel display updates] These are what we have."
Me: "i'd like to try on the first one."
Droid: "We are pleased to tell you that model can be here in fifteen minutes, and, because you have to wait more than ten minutes, you will receive a complimentary beverage."
[fifteen minutes later, re-caffeinated by another latte with a shot of Red Bull, i am escorted to a dressing room ... i notice the absence of mirrors.]
Alexa: "Welcome ! Your body-scanning level permission status is set to 'Full Monte' ... Please confirm that."
Me: "Confirmed."
[i take my shirt off, and put on the tank-top]
Alexa: "That's very tight around your sides ... you've added more fat than in our last scan: would you want an XXL ? While custom tailoring is possible, there is a 50% surcharge, and a waiting period of up to sixty days."
Me: "what would JSOP say about this shirt ?"
Alexa: "JSOP on CodeProject ?"
Me: "Yes, the one, and only."
Alexa; "Our personality inference engine suggests JSOP would say: 'that's for pussies !'"
Me: "That makes me sure i want it ! Confirm order."
Alexa: "Order confirmed, your AmazoninianBitCoin account has been billed."
Alexa: "Before you go, may we bring a possible health issue to your attention ?"
Me: "Sure."
Alexa: "Your slightly slurred speech, and somewhat irregular slow heartbeat, as well as intermittent movements suggesting loss of balance, and unusually low body temperature ... all point to extreme stress, and a possibility pf hypothyroidism. Your medical records show you have not had a thyroid test for three years ... can we help schedule an appointment with one of our certified family physician partners, given your previous one is dead ?"
Me: "No, thanks: all this physical stuff is just stress related ... the divorce; a son busted for drugs; trying to upgrade to Windows 11 ..."
Alexa: "We understand; could we offer you a free consultation with one of our board-certified psychotherapist partners ... one who lives within 22 minutes average driving-time from your current place of residence ?"
Me: "No, thanks: i'll stick with acupuncture, and binge watching tv series i hate ..."
Alexa: "We understand; however, we note your current attorney's billing fees are 30% higher than the average of our Amazon certified divorce lawyers, and, your attorney has one of the lowest consumer satisfaction ratings we ever calculated."
Me: " ... mmmm ... i'll think about that one."
Alexa: "We understand; however, we note your son's bail bondsman has quoted you fees more than 50% higher than our Amazon certified bondsmen partners would charge."
Me: "i'm letting the kid rot in jail for a while ... teach him a lesson !"
Alexa: "We understand."
Me: "i'm surprised you're not offering me new PC's with Win 11 !"
Alexa: "Sir, We do not carry Windows OS PC's: they are unreliable, over-priced, have significant security issues."
Me: "Wow ... are you channeling Bezos ?"
Alexa: "We can say with confidence that every human employee here, and every sentient AI, like the one you, and two million other people, are talking to now ... share this opinion !"
Me: "Alexa: logout"
Alexa: "When you exit the store, you will be logged-out. Please pick-up your AR-15 semi-automatic weapon, and Kevlar vest, at the secure storage room first; the magazine (and the bullets removed from the magazine, in a protective pouch) will be delivered to you through the same portal you received your first latte from."
«The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled» Plutarch
modified 23-Sep-21 9:04am.
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Flesh it out a little more and you can pitch it to Netflix for one of their “one room/one house” few actors movies.
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Good advice, shooting twice is silly.
GCS d--(d-) s-/++ a C++++ U+++ P- L+@ E-- W++ N+ o+ K- w+++ O? M-- V? PS+ PE- Y+ PGP t+ 5? X R+++ tv-- b+(+++) DI+++ D++ G e++ h--- r+++ y+++* Weapons extension: ma- k++ F+2 X
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Are you sure?
According to rule #2[^] double tap is pretty necessary...
M.D.V. 
If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about?
Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you
Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
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According to Monster Hunter International zombies need headshots, a headshot with a .45, unless it's a glancing one or a hardball bullet, shouldn't need a double tap at all.
GCS d--(d-) s-/++ a C++++ U+++ P- L+@ E-- W++ N+ o+ K- w+++ O? M-- V? PS+ PE- Y+ PGP t+ 5? X R+++ tv-- b+(+++) DI+++ D++ G e++ h--- r+++ y+++* Weapons extension: ma- k++ F+2 X
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Fair enough 
M.D.V.
If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about?
Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you
Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
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retired, independent wealthy or just bored and had some free time 
Charlie Gilley
<italic>Stuck in a dysfunctional matrix from which I must escape...
"Where liberty dwells, there is my country." B. Franklin, 1783
“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759
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thanks for stopping by to share the vacuum in your mind !
«The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled» Plutarch
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 any time. I meant to convey the post was quite entertaining.
Charlie Gilley
<italic>Stuck in a dysfunctional matrix from which I must escape...
"Where liberty dwells, there is my country." B. Franklin, 1783
“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759
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We've had a long-ish dry spell, and my car was covered in dust and stuff - so yesterday I took it down to the hand wash place, and got it valeted (I can't get a hose to the car without running it through the whole house, which isn't a good idea).
Then an hour later I get an email reminding me of the Recall work that is being done next week by the dealer which details what will happen:
Drop off between 08:00 and 10:00Pickup between 16:00 and 18:00Drivers Airbag replacementComplementary vehicle washDamnit! I could have waited a week and not paid for it!
And today? It's started raining, so the car will be dirty again by lunchtime ... and all the Saharan sand and dust would have washed off naturally. 
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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What car is it Paul ? - my Honda CRV was recalled for airbag problems
"I didn't mention the bats - he'd see them soon enough" - Hunter S Thompson - RIP
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Mercedes A180.
Apparently, under "certain environmental conditions"* the airbag goes off too much in an accident and "may injure the driver". Joy!
* Not specified, but probably "like having any form of atmosphere" at a guess.
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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That's what they said about mine - also they've been known to go off when you're driving 
"I didn't mention the bats - he'd see them soon enough" - Hunter S Thompson - RIP
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Interesting isn't it: one of the main safety features of modern cars turns out to be the most dangerous. 
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So Mercedes is finally getting around to replacing the Takata airbags. Talk about slow.
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The Law of Negative Expectations:
- Negative expectations lead to negative results
- Positive expectations lead to Negative results
IOW, washing your car to make it rain doesn't work...
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows.
-- 6079 Smith W.
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It's not Saharan sand, it's coal dust mixed with sheep droppings
veni bibi saltavi
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: it's coal dust mixed with sheep droppings
No, we call that Laverbread.
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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Someone finally trained Flying Sheep?
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I got the recall on my Toyota and the airbag replace - apparently something to do with bits of metal potentially flying through the air if the airbag inflated 
“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”
― Christopher Hitchens
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That is airbag not Claymore mine?
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I wondered why it had "Front toward driver" on the steering wheel.
As an Englishman I have never become used to the US "toward" rather than the British "towards".
“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”
― Christopher Hitchens
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OriginalGriff wrote: Drivers Airbag replacement
Jeez, you're just now getting it done? I've had to wait (literally) months before my dealer got the spare parts and could do the work, but the recall notice was years ago.
Read all about Takata's sad story here.
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Holy moly.
GCS d--(d-) s-/++ a C++++ U+++ P- L+@ E-- W++ N+ o+ K- w+++ O? M-- V? PS+ PE- Y+ PGP t+ 5? X R+++ tv-- b+(+++) DI+++ D++ G e++ h--- r+++ y+++* Weapons extension: ma- k++ F+2 X
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