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Not having my husband here makes it very clear what kind of abilities I have and don't have. Trying to even go for groceries has left me with panic attacks, or sent me home with empty hands.
I wanted to go to my local grocery store, but they don't do curb side pickup, they don't do delivery, and they don't organize with a 3rd party service to do so like instacart. This is an upscale grocery store catering to the granola eating types, just apparently not those with certain disabilities. I left them a 1 star yelp review.
So I have to use instacart with a busy grocery store (too busy for me to do curbside pickup, i think - i can't afford to panic while driving) that's not even nearest to me, and a place I do not like to shop for how they treat their employees, some of whom are my friends.
Is it really so hard to offer curbside pickup? I mean, you've got customers that have the money to pay for it. It's an "upscale" store as grocery stores go.
I just need my man to come home. I can't even focus on work.
But if I'm not shoeless, sitting in the parking lot rocking myself and sobbing "why do you hate me?" I'm doing okay right?
Real programmers use butterflies
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Why can't you just go inside the grocery store and purchase your items? Panic attacks? If you don't mind, could you explain further? Thanks.
Do you have any friends, neighbors, or family that can assist you?
modified 5-Aug-21 11:40am.
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I have extreme social anxiety. Being around people I don't know can often trigger panic attacks. Even having people I do know around, if I'm fragile that day.
Sometimes I can make into a store and out without having a panic attack. Sometimes I can't, but shopping is always extremely anxiety inducing for me.
It has been this way for me since 2017.
Most of my friends live an hour away. My family lives further. My hubby and a mutual friend are in the next state, because my hubby is getting surgery.
I'm a shut in on account of being clinically guano crazy.
Real programmers use butterflies
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First, thank you for explaining. I assumed this was the case, just wanted to be sure.
Second, I don't think you are crazy just because you have social anxiety. We all have our issues to deal with.
I am sorry you are going through a stressful time right now. I hope you are able to find some peace during this ordeal.
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Social anxiety isn't why I'm crazy. It's just one of the symptoms.
Real programmers use butterflies
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My wife can get panic attacks in crowded situations.
Obviously less severe than you have it.
She told me about it when we met many years ago, but I didn't really understand until we got stuck in a half crowded elevator for half an hour.
She has learned to avoid situations where it may happen.
Crowded buses for example is a no go.
I've also learned that it doesn't happen with a flick of a switch (except for crowded elevators), it builds up over time, with "expectations" being a very big part of it. So it's controllable to a some extent.
She's always looking for escape routes without even thinking about it.
But she always had it.
If you got it 2017, you have probably learned what triggers it.
But have you learned how much you can take?
And for how long?
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I've got a fair amount of tools to deal with it, so how much I can take is improving - sometimes.
As far as getting a read on where I'm at, I can most of the time. Like, I know if going to the store will be too much for me.
As far as how long, not so much. The thing is it's very situational. I was doing okay at the grocery store the other day through most of it, and then someone got in line behind me and my heart started racing. I didn't have a panic attack that time, but some days I would have.
Real programmers use butterflies
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Do you have any grocery stores with self checkout where you live?
For my wife physical workout helps, going running for 40 minutes every second day makes quite a difference.
For me as well I might add. 
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They only open them when it gets busy. Apparently being union, they like to keep their cashiers employed. I can understand that, but at the same time, I'd just as soon not go in the store. Besides, those checkout areas get crowded anyway. Or at least too crowded for me.
Real programmers use butterflies
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That's got to be very frustrating. Sorry to hear that.
You should try gardening, if you don't already. Less dependence on others is a good thing.
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I don't have much room left for a garden now that we have chickens.
Real programmers use butterflies
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I don't panic, but sometimes a bit lost. Found myself in their canteen twice. So now, if I alone someone of the workforce walks along.
In the early hours few people there.
Bastard Programmer from Hell 
"If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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You could try "Amazon fresh", we've got very good results with that.
And in cases when something does not arrive in good condition (ice cream that lost the ice part ^^¡) they refund it without asking anything.
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I looked into them, but I'd have needed to wake up my hubby (who is in another state right now) to get the details for our Prime Account. I ended up using InstaCart instead, but they had to go to a different grocery store than the one I usually shop at. That's fine. I thought I would have to wait, but I guess they give you priority delivery on your first order which includes delivering earlier in the day. Woo!
Real programmers use butterflies
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I used to volunteer on a help line in the UK and came across people with similar issues. One guy in particular could only go shopping between 2 and 4 AM so that he didn't meet other people. One thing it taught me is the mental health issues are primarily health issues.
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Yeah I learned that too when it hit me right between the eyes in 2017. Since then I've just ... my life has gotten a lot "smaller", especially socially. It's difficult, because needing to isolate doesn't prepare you for being isolated. I'm just glad that for whatever reason, my husband doesn't trigger my anxiety. 
Real programmers use butterflies
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Some cab companies here offer to do the shopping for you due to the Covid issues. Maybe a solution?
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I found a service that did it, and they delivered early for me too. A little expensive once I tipped, but worth it.
Real programmers use butterflies
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I grew up with a guy that once spoke of a coder at his job that could do all this sorcery but couldn't order a cheeseburger.
I was a hardware guy back then (late 70s) and thought that both amusing and strange. Well, I've been coding for a while now and nothing makes me choke like ordering from a drive up window order stand. To the degree that my wife now leans over me to do the ordering if I'm driving anymore.
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If it weren't for our spouses what would we do?
Real programmers use butterflies
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Mutter and starve. 
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Sorry to hear things aren't so great just now; hope you can find a solution and that your cupboards aren't too bare anyway! And hoping your hubbie's op goes well.
Reading this from the UK is interesting, regarding shopping options.
I've been using "home shopping" (online ordering, the store delivers to my home) since 2000 (TBH, I was contracting at that retailer at the time and they had a "staff" pilot scheme). But all through lockdown, we've had a regular slot either for delivery (a 1- or 2-hour timed slot), or "click+collect". I'm guessing this is similar to your "curbside pickup" (a term we don't use this side of the pond). In click+collect at grocery stores, we just order online for a 1-hour pickup slot; then drive to a designated parking area and they bring the shopping to the car. Depending on time-of-day, this is either free or between 25p and £1.50.
In store, the number of staffed checkouts has fallen dramatically. Unless you've got a huge trolleyload, most people use self-checkout. This is either self-scanning on exit, or picking up a hand-scanner as you go in and scanning as you shop. Some stores also have phone apps so you use your phone to scan and pay. Since start of Covid I've very rarely shopped in store, and when I do, I use self-checkout. So apart from weaving around other customers, I barely meet or interact with anyone when shopping. In fact for a long while we had a regular 8:30am click+collect pickup, and though it was never ever busy (no queues) I met one or two other "regulars" loading their cars and they were about the only social interaction in the whole process...
Also our big supermarkets (in the larger towns at least) are often open 24-hours a day; so if you're having panic attacks in social situations you could try doing the shopping at 3am. I've not been at that time but am pretty sure it will be self-checkout only then!
Lastly, some of our big retailers are also pairing up with fast food delivery companies; so you can order goods from e.g. M+S (a higher-end food store) and Deliveroo will pick up what you want and deliver to you, often within the hour. (I guess that might be similar to your instacart?)
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"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
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