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Southern Baptists John and Marie went to the same Baptist church.
Marie went every Sunday and taught Sunday School.
John went on Christmas and Easter and, once in a while, he went on one of the other Sundays.
On one of those Sundays, he was in the pew right behind Marie and he noticed what a fine looking woman she was.
While they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said, "Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?"
"Why Yes, John, that would be nice," said Marie.
Well, John couldn't believe his luck.
All week long he polished up his car, and on Friday he picked up Marie and took her to dinner, at the finest restaurant in town.
When they sat down, John looked over at Marie said, "Hey, Marie, would you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no, John," said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?"
Well, John was setback a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner.
Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. "Hey, Marie," said John, "Would you like a smoke?"
"Oh, no, John," said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?"
Well, John was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his car and was driving Marie home when they passed the Holiday Inn.
He'd struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose.
"Hey, Marie," said John, "how would you like to stop at this motel with me?"
"Sure, John, that would be nice," said Marie.
Well, John couldn't believe his luck.
He did a U-turn right then and there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in with Marie.
The next morning John got up first. He looked at Marie lying there in the bed.
"What have I done? What have I done?" thought John.
He shook Marie and she woke up.
"Marie, I've got to ask you one thing, said John. "What are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"
Marie said, "The same thing I always tell them..............You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time."
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Sure. 
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Installed smarterstat on local intranet. It shows the statistical data but on the top of data it shows smarterstat pages most visited. I want data only for my local intranet not for the smarterstat. can any one tell me how I could do it ..answers much appreciated
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Have you tried turning it off and on again?
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You get a call from company which is separated from your organization few moons ago (6 months ) to resolve the issue they are facing in their production system and they don't want to go to their support vendor ( They outsourced their applications support) but calls you and ask if you still have access to their network and fix the issue for them. 
I don't have access to their network but I did suggest them what to do so they can keep on running their manufacturing operation.
Zen and the art of software maintenance : rm -rf *
Maths is like love : a simple idea but it can get complicated.
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I would call that "feeling when" the tingle of sensing opportunity to do some highly paid consulting work.
«I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center» Kurt Vonnegut.
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That was my thought also
"There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult." - C.A.R. Hoare
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The converse to that - we had a server that we could not identify an owner for... so I turned it off. 4 hours later a company that had separated from us 1 year before wanted to know what had happened to one of their systems which was suddenly down.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity
RAH
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@Nelek just mentioned that he thought there was something wrong with the code formatting on my article[^].
Can anyone else see this? I released an update that I thought fixed it, but he says the problem is still there. 
Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A.
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Looks good to me. Checked on Chrome on Windows & Safari on iOS.
(The one you intentionally left unformatted doesn't seem to break anything either)
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Desktop Win 7/IE11 -- Looks OK, but with some very large indents in the snippet that starts "//(c)2010 Oscar Toledo G."
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It is the code block below "Working with Toledo Nanochess".
He probably missed your statement
Quote: Here is the entire compressed (and highly unreadable Poke tongue |  ) source code
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Nothing weird for me with your code blocks. Tested with IE & FF.
I never finish anyth
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I think I got a cached version before your changes went online.
There is now a new snippet with the "expanded" version of the code. Yesterday I could not see it
M.D.V. 
If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about?
Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you
Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
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All good then. Cheers! 
Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A.
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Coming home to the USA from being abroad for a while, so I am giving up my 100 MB @ $6/mo service in Eastern Europe to get 6 MB @ $52/mo, for about 145X the price per speed service.  However, this posting is not to rant about that ...
So I call up AT&T to get service hooked up and ready to go when I get home (My USA home is in the boonies and AT&T is the only internet service I can get. ) I talked to what I believe to be 3 different customer service offices, based on the accent of the representatives: Filipino, American (she was African-American, so I know she was not an offshore rep, as such folks never try to emulate that accent) & (Hindi) Indian. (I think I can pick out the difference between the Filipino and the Indian.)
What I want is to get the standard $49 installation fee waived (somehow I have been able to get this done every time I have come) and get service without any cancellation fee, and being able to use the same modem (Motorola NVG-510) I had used the last few years. For the most times at that address I have gotten U-Verse internet @ 3M or 6M (sometimes the best that can be offered is the 3M); however last year, I could only get 768K DSL. However, it appears now that AT&T has fixed whatever issues they had had, and U-Verse is available. AIUI, all AT&T does for an installation is do a software actuation at the switching (there is a more expensive installation for the truly clueless in which a technician comes by and does the self-install.)
So I call and the Filipino takes my call. She says that I absolutely cannot use my old modem as the U-Verse is now "upgraded" and I must rent a modem for $7/mo (this is not as bad as it seems as I would not want to pay for the modem as I never know when AT&T would change the system, although as AIUI, these modems can be had for $30. ) Of course having to get a modem shipped to me and shipped back when finished is a bit of an issue as the modem would need to be sent to me and left outside my door for me to able to use it immediately when I get home, and I'd have to ship it away at least a day before I leave - so I would rather just have my own modem. OK, as it appeared that I needed to get that new modem, all I was interested in was getting the installation fee waived. The rep said that she would need to check my credit report to see if I could get it waived.  I responded that I didn't want my credit report pulled unless I knew what the terms were. We go back and forth a while, so I ask to speak to her supervisor, at which time she simply stayed on the phone (I could hear her breathing) and didn't say a word.  )
So I do a little digging at gethuman.com to talk to an American. She gives me the spiel about how my old modem won't work, and as well states that AT&T doesn't waive the installation fee anymore. I tell her that I would need to consider my options before I would agree to forking over the $49. I do a search online and find an AT&T page that states that an online signup gets the installation fee waived.
So now that I know that I can get the fee waived, I call up the general AT&T phone line, and this time get the Indian. I start asking him about the terms of the online signup, but he tries to sign me up himself. I say that if he could waive the installation fee, I'd let him do it, and we go back & forth until I actually get to talk to his supervisor. The supervisor tells me that she can waive the installation fee  , so I let her proceed with the signup. (I get her ID so that I can complain about being charged the fee, which always happens anyway.) I tell her that I used to have U-Verse service and she then asks me whether my modem is a Motorola or (can't remember the other model), so while we are speaking, I do a quick online search (Google images) and see that the modem I have is the NGV-510, and she tells me that I won't need to rent a modem as that one is compatible. 
So my rant is why those other representatives couldn't figure out that my old modem will still work. Perhaps the Filipino was just clueless, but I suspect that the American was working on commission, so not only did she not want to waive the installation fee, but she also wanted me to rent the modem.
modified 16-Oct-15 7:59am.
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Feeback: The deal is raw.
Why are your hypotheses regarding the ethnicity of the various support people you interacted with relevant ?
«I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center» Kurt Vonnegut.
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BillWoodruff wrote: Why are your hypotheses regarding the ethnicity of the various support people you interacted with relevant ?
Agreed, I was going to comment the same. They are all just people (probably on minimum wage) working for another company that really only cares about increasing profit.
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They are not really relevant. I could have just as easily referred to the Filipina & Indian as non-American. I think the American's ethnicity is important because she had an accent that was not the type that offshored workers try to emulate, which means that she was based in the USA. I think that she was based in the USA because I have a hunch that have is an independent contractor for AT&T that gets paid on any commission, so she would not want to steer me in any direction to save me money.
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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey girls," says the brunette, "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
The next day, they all leave right after the boss does.
The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband cheating on her with the female boss!
Quietly, the blonde sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
The next day the three meet at the office.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught!"
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I was browsing through the "3 open source projects for modern COBOL development" article under the Developer News section. It referenced a book by one Micheal Coughlan. The very one who taught me my first COBOL back in the spring of '87!
Ger
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Open source pays better than teaching now?
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Ger Hayden wrote: COBOL
This is not something to admit to.
What we got here is a failure to communicate
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Superb idea to know who owns this, useless to us thing 