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We have The Spiral Staircase of Death. It's the shortest route from the downstairs cafeteria to the engineering wing second floor. It's also an easy way to die, if you get more than one person on it at a time (hence the name).
Software Zen: delete this;
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And a fire pole to go the other way? 
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Sadly, no fire pole. The closest thing to that is the gate in railing of the catwalk over the manufacturing area. It's used to lift equipment from the second floor of the engineering wing down to the first floor of manufacturing. You could jump, but the landing would be a bit harsh.
Software Zen: delete this;
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If the stairway were more inviting, it would be easier to push those people down it?
Oh, sorry didn't see the new branch.
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I be all like "outa my way, slowpokes!" 
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A place of work would be a good start. 
veni bibi saltavi
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C'mon Nagy, resignation is not expected from bright minds.
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I have a face-to-face coming up, you never know.
veni bibi saltavi
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Workplace? I'd settle for an income.
The difficult may take time, the impossible a little longer.
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Or at least development cheerleaders?
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I have them but apparently they would rather be called employees.
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Hanging space for cycling gear to dry out during the day
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I leave mine hanging up in the locker room. Unfortunately there isn't any air circulation, so it's still damp when I ride home  .
Software Zen: delete this;
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Bonuses for the non-production staff. My suggestion is take 1% (or whatever) from the bonuses they give the production staff and give it to the people who allow production to make money.
We are treated as an after thought. Production will get subs for lunch, we get: "Oh, production is done with the lunch, you can come and get what you want if anything is left."
Mongo: Mongo only pawn... in game of life.
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Free food. 
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Hmm. Incentive based pay based on the value added by your productive effort could result in your owing the company money. The crappy scheme pays your salary.
The difficult may take time, the impossible a little longer.
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When I started, we had a coffee pot: regular or decaf - simple.
Now, we have a Keurig.
Bring back the coffee pot.. longer brew time on a per unit brew basis, but no lineup waiting for a cup to brew, heat the water, etc.
But, I'm happy to have free coffee either way.
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A supply of South Indian filter coffee, instead of some exotic foreign flavour.
Especially, since my workplace is in Southern India.
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Realistic: Move my desk from its current location (middle of a 60-cube farm) to a lab, along with the rest of my group. It would be nice to have peace and quiet. Purchasing is next to our current location in the middle 40 acres, and they're always on the phone.
Idealistic: Having software engineering concerns and priorities given the same credence as mechanical, electrical, and chemical engineering. When you work for a hardware company, software is always free, quick, and easy. "Can't you just add a popup?" is everyone's favorite solution to every problem  . It comes down to a simple matter of respect, which we don't get.
Software Zen: delete this;
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Unfortunately I'm not kidding. I've got a well-rehearsed temper tantrum I throw whenever some hardware moron suggests I do that to solve their problem, at least once a month.
We build commercial ink-jet printers. We can move paper at up to 17 feet per second. I throw up a message box, by the time the operator notices it, we've printed a mile or two of unusable crap.
Software Zen: delete this;
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Gary Wheeler wrote: Unfortunately I'm not kidding
I know and can sympathize. We were developing a mostly embedded system with 'some' portions being relagated to being apps on a PC. The phrase "jeez, can't we just make that a PC app?", became too frequent, very quickly we ended up with man years of development time, which was a complete surprise to all, except us. Our usual response of "you know, this will take a good bit of development time to complete" fell largely on deaf ears.
"the debugger doesn't tell me anything because this code compiles just fine" - random QA comment
"Facebook is where you tell lies to your friends. Twitter is where you tell the truth to strangers." - chriselst
"I don't drink any more... then again, I don't drink any less." - Mike Mullikins uncle
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The secret story behind our current product's code name "Delta" goes something like this:
The hardware's code name was that of a certain large, well-known river in North America. Our software provides overall control of the hardware. Given the priorities and the relative importance of the hardware over the software, we're the last ones to know anything new, and the last ones to finish. Hence, the code name "Delta" for our software.
It also fits because we get to deal with all of the sh!t that comes down the river.
Software Zen: delete this;
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