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The real reason to take a winter community college course:
Wife: Dear, the drain is clogged. I think there is a dead cat down there frozen in its own urine.
Me: I'd handle that for you but I'm doing some required reading that is due on Monday.
*sips more hot chocolate by the fire*
*lazily turns another page*
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MehGerbil wrote: a dead cat down there frozen in its own urine.
What an imagination! OR is there a dead cat etc?
In that case what a smell. Enjoy your hot chocolate
It was broke, so I fixed it.
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S Houghtelin wrote: Is there a dead cat etc? Anyone who knows me knows the joke began with my wife asking me to do something.
I've been training her for 25 years now.
She tells relatives: The only thing he can install is software.
Here is how the cat thing works:
1: Find a road kill cat.
2: Piss on it.
3: Shove it into your own drain line.
4: Wait until it freezes.
5: Use programming monies to hire the moron who used to pick on you in school to get it out of there.
6: Repeat until he cries at the sound of your name.
Revenge: A dish best served frozen.
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...oh...
Reminds me of the method I used to prevent being asked to do laundry. Don't sort by color, try to get all the clothing washed in one load.
It only took two times, sure I had to wear pink undies for a short time, short term investment for a long term benefit.
It was broke, so I fixed it.
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Yeah, I did the laundry thing as well.
My wife actually gets angry with me if I attempt to do the laundry.
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MehGerbil wrote: My wife actually gets angry with me if I attempt to do the laundry. Mission Accomplished!
The United States invariably does the right thing, after having exhausted every other alternative. -Winston Churchill
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. -Oscar Wilde
Wow, even the French showed a little more spine than that before they got their sh*t pushed in.[^] -Colin Mullikin
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I did something similar with cooking when Michelle first moved in.
Worked like a charm, she did all the cooking for fifteen years...until my mother told her I had passed exams at school in catering, and was a much, much better cook than her when I lived at home.
Damn it! Dobbed in by my own mum...
If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tinned pork then just delete it. It's Spam.
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Your mother sounds like one of those feminist types. 
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OriginalGriff wrote: Dobbed in by my own mum Freud made a career of telling people that.
It was broke, so I fixed it.
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OriginalGriff wrote: Damn it! Dobbed in by my own mum
Mums do that. They think that they had no luck changing your Dad so they think that they at least had a "good" effect on you.
Little did they know that you were male also and have grown up. They will always look at you as their little darling that they can mold into everything that they couldn't with your Dad.
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How does she know it's the cat's urine?
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010 ----- You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010 ----- "Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote: How does she know it's the cat's urine?
The smell? I'm just guessing but I would have to eat a lot of rodents and small birds to smell like my cat.
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Because she poured some US-made beer down the drain the previous day! 
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MehGerbil wrote: I'd handle that for you but I'm doing some required reading that is due on Monday
The old I have an assignment due excuse. I like it.
I may just enroll in an adult education class. Do they offer wine tasting?
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Last week I was an inconsiderate a**hole and spilled cola into my boss's mini desk fan (it was off thankfully). We dried it out, and now, this week, he showed me it was broken. I already ordered a new one to be delivered to him here, and feel bad about it because I have a desk fan that I've had for about 5 years. I love the thing and let it run every day just for the sound.
Does anyone else have something on their desk that would drive them mad if they had to go without for days (not counting computer peripherals/IO)?
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Going along with my previous music thread, occasionally I forget unintentionally leave my headphones at home (I take them home over the weekends.) Those days are always terrible. They seem to drag on forever. Other than that though, my desk is pretty bare and there's not really anything of importance on it.
Edited for ChrisElston's health.
The United States invariably does the right thing, after having exhausted every other alternative. -Winston Churchill
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. -Oscar Wilde
Wow, even the French showed a little more spine than that before they got their sh*t pushed in.[^] -Colin Mullikin
modified 19-Nov-12 14:48pm.
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You pretty much posted my exact situation so...this. (Including my desk being pretty bare.)
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Your use of the word forget hurts me.
Sometimes English gets used in way that seems not quite right, but that seems so, so wrong.
Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends.
Shed Petition[ ^]
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How about now?
The United States invariably does the right thing, after having exhausted every other alternative. -Winston Churchill
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. -Oscar Wilde
Wow, even the French showed a little more spine than that before they got their sh*t pushed in.[^] -Colin Mullikin
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Much better, thanks
There are some words people in the UK use that have the same effect, where I live lots of people pronounce baby as babby. It's like nails down a blackboard to me.
Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends.
Shed Petition[ ^]
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I know the feeling. I have a friend that constantly uses various "big words" incorrectly. Most of the time he does it when he thinks he is saying something witty, and most of them probably would be witty if the word made any sense...
The United States invariably does the right thing, after having exhausted every other alternative. -Winston Churchill
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. -Oscar Wilde
Wow, even the French showed a little more spine than that before they got their sh*t pushed in.[^] -Colin Mullikin
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That is one of my comedic goto's. Yes, goto's are bad in coding and comedy, but sometimes I can't help it. With a straight face, if you try to use a big word and blunder it, but own it like you meant it, people will laugh. i.e.
"But doctors have to treat you, they took the Hippopotamus Oath."
It's kind of like Ricky Gervais or Steve Carell when they straight act playing an idiot, or it can be interpreted as aphasia.
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wizardzz wrote: Does anyone else have something on their desk that would drive them mad if they had to go without for days (not counting computer peripherals/IO)?
Beer?
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My coffee mug, those paper cups just don't cut it.
It was broke, so I fixed it.
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