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Damn wrist slittin music!
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This is a serious case this patient needs an emergency cellphonectomy It's quite a simple procedure but it does require a specialist surgical tool called a mallet 
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Perhaps you could throw his phone overboard? Or better yet, throw him overboard. 
/ravi
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When ever you're not sure what to do at work, just ask yourself: "What Would Alice Do?"[^]
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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So, this man walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a short while, the guy standing next to him asks him if he'd like to see something he's never seen before. He thinks about it and says: "Sure, go ahead."
The man reaches into a black bag and then withdraws a small piano and places it on the bar. This is followed by a small stool, and finally, by a foot-tall man in a tuxedo.
The little man sits on the stool and begins to play beautifully. The first man is just amazed and asks him where he ever got such a thing.
Oh, it's easy said the second man. I have this magical lamp, I just rubbed it and wished for what I wanted. In fact, I have it with me if you'd care to give it a try.
The first man can't believe the generosity of the offer, exclaims "Thanks! Wow.", takes the lamp and rubs it furiously.
About 20 minutes later the bar starts to fill with ducks. Ducks begin to appear everywhere. Huge numbers of ducks. The numbers appear to increase endlessly.
The first man says: "I don't understand this. What's going on? I asked for a million bucks."
The second man replies: "Well, you don't think I wished for a twelve-inch pianist, do you?"
| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error." - Weisert | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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Old but I'll allow it under the 'classic joke' clause.
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W∴ Balboos wrote: What's going on? I asked for a million bucks
A duck costs more than one buck, so he got more than he wished for. 
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Xiangyang Liu 刘向阳 wrote: A duck costs more than one buck, so he got more than he wished for.
That should be an indication for the age of the joke.
Bastard Programmer from Hell 
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And how, prey tell, are you gonna manage to shift 1 million ducks?
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Start with a few...
Mustering Ducks[^]
I don't speak Idiot - please talk slowly and clearly
'This space for rent'
Driven to the arms of Heineken by the wife
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W∴ Balboos wrote: So, this man walks into a bar
and says "Ouch! That hurt!"
WE ARE DYSLEXIC OF BORG. Refutance is systile. Your a$$ will be laminated.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: People who know binary and people who don't.
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See what I did there?
Michael Martin
Australia
"I controlled my laughter and simple said "No,I am very busy,so I can't write any code for you". The moment they heard this all the smiling face turned into a sad looking face and one of them farted. So I had to leave the place as soon as possible."
- Mr.Prakash One Fine Saturday. 24/04/2004
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I was thinking about posting the same thing.
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.
Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: I was thinking about posting the same thing.
Get out of my head, He means nothing to me, Vienna, yesterday and now you getting in on my Elephant action.
Michael Martin
Australia
"I controlled my laughter and simple said "No,I am very busy,so I can't write any code for you". The moment they heard this all the smiling face turned into a sad looking face and one of them farted. So I had to leave the place as soon as possible."
- Mr.Prakash One Fine Saturday. 24/04/2004
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Why does your signature always remind me of this:
"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."
from this[^] page
I'm invincible, I can't be vinced
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CDP1802 wrote: Why does your signature always remind me of this:
"I saw a slow
moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."
from this[^]
page
No idea, but it's coming up on 8 years since I made that quote my signature, I don't think anyone has had a signature that long. I also like the fact it was someone from Code Project that made the quotable quote.
Michael Martin
Australia
"I controlled my laughter and simple said "No,I am very busy,so I can't write any code for you". The moment they heard this all the smiling face turned into a sad looking face and one of them farted. So I had to leave the place as soon as possible."
- Mr.Prakash One Fine Saturday. 24/04/2004
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Hasn't Chris had the same sig since time immemorial?
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.
Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
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6 July 1189?
Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends.
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It'd have to be the 5th as Time Immemorial is BEFORE Richard's reign.
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.
Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: Hasn't Chris had the same sig since time immemorial?
No, though it may be older than mine by a bit.
Michael Martin
Australia
"I controlled my laughter and simple said "No,I am very busy,so I can't write any code for you". The moment they heard this all the smiling face turned into a sad looking face and one of them farted. So I had to leave the place as soon as possible."
- Mr.Prakash One Fine Saturday. 24/04/2004
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Two blondes got lost in the jungle and are captured by natives. They are brought before the chief who says: "You choose: Death or bongo bongo!"
The first one shrugs and follows the chief. Both disappear into a hut and the chief lets her go after they reappear. Then he turns to the second one: "Now you! Death or bongo bongo?"
"Never! How do you savages want to kill me?"
"Death by bongo bongo!"
I'm invincible, I can't be vinced
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Racist!
Chauvinist!
Funny!
Old!
Veni, vidi, vici.
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Is that you answer to the question "Which 4 words would you use to describe yourself?" 
Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends.
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Well, actually they fit well. 
Veni, vidi, vici.
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