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Just been to my local supermarket to get my lunch. As I was in the sandwich aisle, a guy standing a few feet down from me chucked a bag on the floor, shouted "BOMB" and run off. Panic ensued. My quickest way out was past the bag, so I had a quick look down at it as I passed it. I could see inside a sandwich with wires coming out of it. The supermarket was evacuated and outside one of the security guys was going around asking if anyone had seen anything, so I told him about the sandwich device with the wires coming out.
He asked me "Was it ticking?"
"No, I think it was Turkey"
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Turkey is harmless. Bacon is calorie bomb.
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CPallini wrote: Turkey is harmless hamless.
FTFY! 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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You have a rye sense of humour...
Mustard been hard to come up with this one.
Mayo come up with another good one tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I would not like to live in a world in which I would never be offended.
I am absolutely certain I don't want to live in a world in which you would never be offended.
Freedom doesn't mean the absence of things you don't like.
Dave
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"It was healthy just yesterday. Full of 200s. All of a sudden there were some 500s.I first thought it must something it has eaten. Docs were on it but could not figure out. Then came the moment. It went 404. Emergency reps were rushed in but could not bring it back to life. It was a sudden and rather sad demise.", a mourner at the funeral.
"It is easy to decipher extraterrestrial signals after deciphering Javascript and VB6 themselves.", ISanti[ ^]
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Are you referring to Peugeot models ? 
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Uh oh...we have a 417 now.
"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics."
- Benjamin Disraeli
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As long as it doesn't start reporting 418s (418 I'm a teapot)
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
--Winston Churchill
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Last night, went to the fridge to get some Ginger Ale (A non-alcoholic flavoured water, basically) and the light didn't come on. OK, check the temp - 4C - and pull the bulb. It meters OK, but looks a bit black, so suspect the bulb has gone - check the mains supply and fuse anyway, both OK.
Decide it's the bulb, order two new ones from FleaBay.
Today, check fridge temp again - 3.2C - so it's keeping cold.
Suddenly remember a light socket that takes 12mm screw threads - test the bulb, and it works. 
So it put it back in the fridge - and the light comes on.
Anyone got an IDE and Debugger for white goods?
I hate intermittent problems...
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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It's called beer, hammer and duct tape. Try that.
"It is easy to decipher extraterrestrial signals after deciphering Javascript and VB6 themselves.", ISanti[ ^]
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I need the debugger to tell me which bit to hit with the hammer!
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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All of them. That's the point.
"It is easy to decipher extraterrestrial signals after deciphering Javascript and VB6 themselves.", ISanti[ ^]
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That would probably annoy Herself, and lose me the Brownie Points which I am endeavouring to accrue.
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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The sequence in which you use them directly depends on the problem.
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I had a similar experience in the bedroom lately, where the bulb seemed to be gone.
But when I tested the bulb, it was ok, so I decided it must be the switch.
Almost had called an electrician, when I realized there was another switch (hotel switch circuit).
When I tried the second switch, the light went on and all problems were solved.
It seems the second switch was in an in-between state (caused by dusting off probably).
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RickZeeland wrote: I had a similar experience in the bedroom lately
Soapbox!
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Was expecting replies like that 
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In the house I recently sold there was a fan/light combo in the master bedroom. One switch on the wall and a remote control that you could adjust fan speeds and turn off/on the light.
Well, one day I flipped the switch and the fan started but the light was extremely dim. Pressed the button on the remote and the light turned off. Pressed it again and the light turned back on. Figured it was something with the bulbs so I took them out and replaced them. Same problem with the new bulbs.
Went online to search and all the results indicated that it was likely the box which allows the remote to communicate had a loose wire. Open up the fan again, check all the wires and they all seemed solid.
Wife at the time was losing her patience, so I went and got a nice floor lamp hooked it up to a smart controller so that the switch would turn it on as well. Not an ideal fix but that way the light could turn on automatically in the morning like a dawn simulator.
This goes on for a year and things occur which force the house to be sold. Realize that I have to get this fixed before the house sells... more internet searching. Tear down the entire thing until only the base remains on the ceiling and I'm checking all of the connections, power in/out, etc. Somehow I end up on a different manufacturer's support forum and someone suggests that the user hold down the light button on the remote because the model for this other manufacturer has a dimmer function.
I figure why not, nothing else has fixed the problem... and the light goes to full brightness. Son of a!! Nothing about that feature in the owner's manual.
TLDR; Light was not burned out but would not go to full brightness, undocumented dimmer function, most likely one of the cats had stood on the remote and triggered it causing months of frustration and aggravation.
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When everything else fails blame the poor cat! No tuna for you tonight buddy.
... such stuff as dreams are made on
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RJOberg wrote: Light was not burned out but would not go to full brightness
This could apply equally to the light and the user... 
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Confusions say.
Wait two or three hours. Answer will come to you like a light..
A Fine is a Tax for doing something wrong
A Tax is a Fine for doing something good.
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I would think it is legal in most jurisdictions. Most companies officially state stuff like "Everything you do on the company computer can and may be monitored".
Do I like it? Now that is a different question. 
... such stuff as dreams are made on
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