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You don't vote for kings!
GCS/GE d--(d) s-/+ a C+++ U+++ P-- L+@ E-- W+++ N+ o+ K- w+++ O? M-- V? PS+ PE Y+ PGP t+ 5? X R+++ tv-- b+(+++) DI+++ D++ G e++ h--- r+++ y+++* Weapons extension: ma- k++ F+2 X
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An older man went into a gym to improve his physical condition.
He asked the trainer: I want to impress that beautiful girl over there.
Which machine should I use?
Trainer: The ATM outside.
"A little time, a little trouble, your better day"
Badfinger
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You used that one here The Lounge[^]
// TODO: Insert something here Top ten reasons why I'm lazy
1.
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No it isn't, I was being a smarta***, it's linked to the same post. 
// TODO: Insert something here Top ten reasons why I'm lazy
1.
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Man arrives at emergency room with serious leg injury.
Doctor: It is very serious. I will have to operate. You might lose the leg.
After operation, the man wakes up.
When he sees the doctor, he asks. "How am I doing?"
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Man: What is the bad news?
Doctor: We cut off the wrong leg.
Man: oh no, oh no, no, no. that is terrible.
After much distress, the man asks: "what is the good news?"
Doctor: The other leg is getting better.
"A little time, a little trouble, your better day"
Badfinger
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I had forgotten I had used that joke before. Sorry getting old. Still a funny joke.
"A little time, a little trouble, your better day"
Badfinger
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Another Doctor joke.
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,
"Hello."
"Mrs. Smith, please."
"Speaking."
"Mrs. Smith, this is your Doctor from Max Laboratory.
When your husband's doctor sent his blood sample to the lab last week, a blood sample from another Mr. Smith arrived as well...
We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband.
Frankly, either way the results are not too good."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Smith asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's (memory loss) and the other one tested positive for HIV.
We can't tell which is which."
"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Smith.
"Normally we can, but Insurance will only pay for these expensive tests once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The Insurance Helpdesk recommends that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town.
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If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him !!!
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jmaida wrote: After much distress, the man asks: "what is the good news?"
Doctor:
"The man in the next bed wants to buy your slippers." 
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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Wordle 343 4/6
⬜⬜⬜🟨⬜
⬜⬜🟩⬜🟩
🟩🟩🟩⬜🟩
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
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Five for me:
Wordle 343 5/6
🟨⬜⬜🟨⬜
⬜🟨⬜🟨🟨
🟨🟨🟨⬜🟩
⬜🟩🟩🟨🟩
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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Failed today
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!" - Hunter S Thompson - RIP
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Wordle 343 3/6
⬛⬛⬛⬛🟨
🟨⬛⬛🟨⬛
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
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Wordle 343 3/6
⬛🟨⬛🟨🟨
🟨🟩🟩⬛⬛
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
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Wordle 343 5/6*
⬜⬜🟩⬜🟩
⬜⬜🟩⬜🟩
⬜⬜🟩🟩🟩
⬜⬜🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have. -Anon
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Wordle 343 5/6
Bad first word led to a five 
⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛
🟨⬛🟨⬛⬛
⬛🟨🟨🟨🟨
🟨🟩🟩⬛⬛
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
Get me coffee and no one gets hurt!
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A blonde sits in first class on a plane to New York. But she only has a tourist class ticket.
The steward tries to ask her out, but she doesn't go. The stewardess tries again, but in vain.
She tells the pilot. He goes to her and whispers something in the blonde's ear. She gets up immediately and leaves the first class.
"What did you tell her?" the others ask curiously.
The pilot: "I just told her that first class flies to London." 
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So, hair colors darken with age, hence the association with youth and general idiocy. That's why we ridicule blondes, a generalization. Not discrimination, since that requires a religion, a gender-thingy, or a skin color. According to law, if you discriminate based on hair color, you safe.
Also, where did that plane take off? I'd expect a transfer in London if going to NY, because I'd be coming from Amsterdam. Might be a little different in you took of in Washington.
Bastard Programmer from Hell 
"If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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My first trip to Germany launched from Boston with a layover in London.
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My first trip to the US was here, in the Netherlands. There's an army base nearby, and part of Brundisium is "US soil". That makes us a vassal, occupied territory 
Bastard Programmer from Hell
"If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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Well, I mean, just walk into any McDonald's or Starbucks...
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Point taken. I'm taking the grandkids to MacDonalds 
Bastard Programmer from Hell
"If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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Gee! That's the best joke analysis I have heard for years!
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