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Wife to husband: I have blisters on my hand from the broom.
Husband to wife: Next time take the car.
The most expensive tool is a cheap tool. Gareth Branwyn
JaxCoder.com
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The wife, who went to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: That's such a great idea, hun. I love you so much π
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Honest Politician
A businessman went to see a politician to get his work done.
Businessman: I want to present you a brand new car in lieu of the approval for my work.
Politician: No no, I don't want to get it for free. I want to give some money for this car.
Businessman (after some persuasion) : Please give me one dollar for the car.
The politician did not have change, and gave the businessman a 2-dollar currency note.
Businessman (apologizing): Sorry sir, I do not have change of one dollar to return.
Politician: No problem. Just give me another car for my wife.
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Amarnath S wrote: Honest Politician
I honestly thought this was the joke and the rest were going to be other one-liners 
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Here lies the body of our MP
Who promised lots for you and me.
His promises did not fulfil,
And though he's dead, he's lying still.
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony? He has the sesame seed buns.
To err is human to really elephant it up you need a computer
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A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made the first contact:
Bob: "Marion... Marion"
Marion: "Is that you, Bob?"
Bob: "Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
Marion: "That's wonderful! What's it like?"
Bob: "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex.
I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.
I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.
Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens).
Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.
After supper, it's back to golf course again.
Then it's more sex until late at night.
I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
Marion: "Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?"
Bob: "No...........I'm a rabbit in Arizona...."
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Grin.....
__________________
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept that there are some things I just canβt keep up with, the determination to keep up with the things I must keep up with, and the wisdom to find a good RSS feed from someone who keeps up with what Iβd like to, but just donβt have the damn bandwidth to handle right now.
Β© 2009, Rex Hammock
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Changing the order like vital part (8)
βReal stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.β
β Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
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Well I found a word, using an anagram solver, that I've never heard of and even now I'm not sure if it makes sense, so I'll stay silent as I certainly don't think I've "solved it" even if correct.
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Sounds wrong - with my English it is very unlikely that you never heard of it...
βReal stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.β
β Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
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Hmmm,
Doesn't look like an anagram. A vital part is an organ. The verb suffix ize could mean 'like'.
Changing the order like vital part (8)
Changing the order = definition
like = ize
vital part = organ Organize
If I'm right then the clue is malformed. Hopefully I'm wrong, I don't want to be the setter. 
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I was going on the "part" meaning "an anagram of some of the letter of" and I'm delighted if this is way off beam! Yours sounds a lot better.
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As I told - my English has some flows... more than some...
But your answer gives you only the second place... Which means that you are up tomorrow if nobody else solves it
βReal stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.β
β Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
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I think you mean flaws
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming βWow! What a Ride!" - Hunter S Thompson - RIP
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A real long shot.....
How about Reversed = changing the order
like = re
vital part - verse
to make it 8 letters long - d
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Nope...
βReal stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.β
β Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
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Wordle 341 3/6
π©β¬β¬π©β¬
π©π©π¨π©β¬
π©π©π©π©π©
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Wordle 341 3/6
🟨β¬β¬🟩🟨
β¬🟨🟨🟩🟨
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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Wordle 341 2/6
π©β¬π¨β¬π©
π©π©π©π©π©
Had a good first guess 
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Wordle 341 3/6
π¨β¬β¬π©β¬
β¬β¬π¨π¨π©
π©π©π©π©π©
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5/6
π¨β¬π¨β¬π¨
π¨π¨π¨β¬π¨
π¨π¨π¨π¨β¬
β¬π¨π¨π©π¨
π©π©π©π©π©
I had 4 letters at the second try but couldn anagram them for the life of me.
GCS/GE d--(d) s-/+ a C+++ U+++ P-- L+@ E-- W+++ N+ o+ K- w+++ O? M-- V? PS+ PE Y+ PGP t+ 5? X R+++ tv-- b+(+++) DI+++ D++ G e++ h--- r+++ y+++* Weapons extension: ma- k++ F+2 X
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Wordle 341 5/6*
β¬β¬β¬π¨π©
π¨β¬π¨β¬π©
β¬π¨β¬π¨π©
β¬π¨π©π¨π©
π©π©π©π©π©
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have. -Anon
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Wordle 341 5/6
β¬β¬β¬β¬π¨
π©β¬β¬β¬π¨
π¨β¬β¬β¬β¬
π©β¬π¨π©β¬
π©π©π©π©π©
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