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Here's a starter, no anagramming required:
Sinister puddle. (8)
Software rusts. Simon Stephenson, ca 1994. So does this signature. me, 2012
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Answer please ?
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!" - Hunter S Thompson - RIP
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I would have thought it bleedin' obvious from the thread context...
leftpond
Software rusts. Simon Stephenson, ca 1994. So does this signature. me, 2012
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Well you thought wrong - that expression isn't used much over here.
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!" - Hunter S Thompson - RIP
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I just learned recently that optometrists use:
Dextro/D for right eye
Sinister/S for left eye
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Got out of bed at 06:00, grabbed the laundry baskets, made and drank my ![Java | [Coffee]](https://codeproject.freetls.fastly.net/script/Forums/Images/coffee.gif)
Brushed teeth, had a shower, loaded the washing machine.
"Odd." I thought. "That felt like there was a lump in that load."
About to press "Start" when I thought I'd just check to be on the safe side.
And found my phone in the washer ... 
Don't think that would have helped it much, even with the antivirus liquid I wash Herself's clothes in (Old Folk Homes are breeding grounds for nasties like Norovirus, nearly as bad as Primary schools).
Let's try being awake next time, eh Griff?
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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Change your routine - first drink coffee, than grab laundry baskets 
“Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
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Coffee: in kitchen.
Laundry: in bedroom.
Also in bedroom: Herself sleeping, and not to be wakened or my peaceful start to the day turns to loads of noise (TV, Swearing, yelling at TV programmes - you know the kind of thing).
One of the wonderful bits of not needing much sleep is that you get to do stuff before others are awake. The phone doesn't ring, emails are infrequent, visitors are a non-no. A quiet time to get stuff done!
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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OriginalGriff wrote: TV, Swearing, yelling at TV programmes - you know the kind of thing
Actually not We have no TV...
OriginalGriff wrote: One of the wonderful bits of not needing much sleep is that you get to do stuff before others are awake.
Absolutely right - there is nothing like the quiet early hours...
“Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
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Unfortunately I don't get quiet morning hours for work these days. My work laptop is set up to show who's online, and there's no way I've found yet to prevent that aside from unplugging the network cable. Therefore my quiet morning hours simply don't involve anything for work that can't be done offline. I get a lot of reading done, mostly Stuart Woods, Randy Wayne White, John Sandford and Janet Evanovich these days.
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Unfortunately I don't get quiet morning hours for work these days. My work laptop is set up to show who's online, and there's no way I've found yet to prevent that aside from unplugging the network cable. Therefore my quiet morning hours simply don't involve anything for work that can't be done offline. I get a lot of reading done, mostly Stuart Woods, Randy Wayne White, John Sandford and Janet Evanovich these days.
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I haven't had anything go "clunk" in the washer recently, but I am routinely p***ed off when she leaves kleenex in pockets.
Most of my garments are cotton, which has a lovely "cling" factor for shredded tissue.
Software rusts. Simon Stephenson, ca 1994. So does this signature. me, 2012
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Hate it when that happens! 
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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And then she complains that YOU should of cleaned out HER pockets.
I’ve given up trying to be calm. However, I am open to feeling slightly less agitated.
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Found out many years ago the detergent will indeed destroy the phone. Tried washing phones at both 40 ang 60 degrees with the same result, so the detergent is the only thing in common of the two tests I can think off.
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No; it's the clothes that destroy the phone. 
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows.
-- 6079 Smith W.
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What was the dryer setting?
Clank clank …
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Good that it was your phone. If it was Mrs. Wife's phone, you would be in trouble.
"It is easy to decipher extraterrestrial signals after deciphering Javascript and VB6 themselves.", ISanti[ ^]
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She wouldn't have noticed for a couple of weeks - it's normally flat as a pancake every time I check because she rarely uses it. She's on her tablets most of the time (one to play on, one charging).
I've got to replace her phone later this year as they are disconnecting 3G in January and it predates 4G ... 
That'll be fun: teaching her to unlock a new phone: "Fingerprint? Where's the ink pad?"
A Luddite I'm afraid. 
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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Had to replace her old candybar with a 4G one when 2G shut down here.
She can unlock it (OK *), find numbers in the phonebook and call them, receive calls and that's about it.
Voicemail, SMS, camera, ... all gathering metaphorical dust.
I gave her a tablet, that she's now hooked on, so she's getting to find her way around Android and touch screens.
Screen lock is probably next year's lesson.
Software rusts. Simon Stephenson, ca 1994. So does this signature. me, 2012
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Herself has a simple technique for using her phone: she grabs the nearest under 20 YO and gets them to call me on it ... 
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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Good news: Fingerprints are already discontinued on many lines.
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OriginalGriff wrote: found my phone in the washer ... 
A friend of my daughter pushed her in her swimming pool last week. Guess who is to buy a new smartphone ?
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The friend's parent? 
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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In theory, yes - But well, sh*t happens, they were playing, and I am not the kind to run after people for money. And my time is more valuable than the 10 hours to get the insurance working. So ...
/edit : And I only buy cheapos phones to my kids just because of that.
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