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nope. There are two possibilities
1. her butt doesn't look big in this dress => don't have to lie.
2. Her butt does look big in this dress => you can say that the dress doesn't really do her figure justice. Which is kind, polite and, important for this discussion, not a lie.
(Also, I've been informed by my children that big butts are now fashionable, so the example is kinda moot  )
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I didn't say anything about politeness.
Real programmers use butterflies
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More people in the software industry should know about the concept of psychological safety ("honesty first, but also as much niceness as possible" is the immediately relevant part). I highly recommend Amy Edmondson's book: The Fearless Organization[^]
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I tried using tact once, and was told nicely to f*ck off.
My boss once told me I should try to be nicer. I told him if he wanted someone to be nice, he should have hired a politician instead of a programmer.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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Honesty, truth, and the ability to say that I am wrong, and you are right. Especially with product support and product QA. Programmers seldom care, they always know the are right. But as a programmer if you listen carefully you can sometimes concede that they may be right. A slippery slope.
Gifford T Nicholson
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honey the codewitch wrote: Many developers would place a premium on honesty.
So do I. Never been paid for "tact". I offer truth, even if it is ugly.
honey the codewitch wrote: Many folks with "soft skills" would place a premium on nice.
Reality isn't nice. You paying extra for someone to be a suckup.
honey the codewitch wrote: The only way out of this double-bind is diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. This is not easy. Sometimes it's not even possible - like - "your {family member} died" and developers often don't have the social skillset to do that consistently.
Never learned that. I give facts, not comfort. I'm paid for the first, not the second.
honey the codewitch wrote: So I guess we can come off as a bit salty. But you know what? You're going to get the truth.
I think we can all benefit in general from remembering not to take things personally.
Be blunt, honest, we have to live in a reality.
honey the codewitch wrote: And some of us can benefit from practicing a little tact.
#define "little".
We say what is, my task to say so, my bosses task to work with that. Never been personal, never intended to insult. Just bluntly what is, and maybe some options. Always the truth.
If I was tactfull, I'd be doing marketing, or sales. I do software, it is 0 or 1, not "2" just because you like that idea.
Bastard Programmer from Hell 
"If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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Excellent article! Agree 100%.
One addition: it's not a shame to be inexperienced/unprofessional in your "IT area". But it IS big shame to be insolent in your "wrong way", when people point you at your mistakes! 
Primary task of youngsties not to write a lot of dumb code, but to STUDY from your professional colleagues! And if they say "man, seems your program is total cr@p", it's not about you, but about your primitive level (which of course will improve!). Take it, ask why and STUDY AGAIN. Your "university" is not finished with diploma - journey just begins! Sit and discuss all you do, why it's wrong and WRITE it. Years later you'll laugh how stupid you was and how "unacceptable" was your programs.
Just 0 and 1, nothing personal. 
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There's nothing more fun than
A) waking up at 4am with no hope of going back to bed
B) finding my dev machine rebooted while I was asleep
C) finding out my internet connection is completely toast when i woke up.
Thank you, windows update for B and C, and while I'm at it, A for good measure just because.
I either get to deal with this, or deal with Linux updates preventing my machine from booting at all.
And these are my operating system options, really?
I guess I could come crawling back to apple after almost 35 years of avoiding them.
But I respect myself too much for that.
Real programmers use butterflies
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it's only you.
THEY ARE TRYING TO GET YOU!!! RUN TO THE HILLS (safe for work heavy metal).
I'd rather be phishing!
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Apparently they don't want me online anymore. Every single one of my network devices needed a reinstall.
Real programmers use butterflies
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You're lucky you could get an update !
Our lovely electricity supply company implemented load shedding from 10 PM to 6AM the next day, so 4 AM really sucked for me.
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Oh man. I would send them a check for half, with a note about not paying for the downtime. 
But then w/ COVID here in the US they can't shut our power off for non-payment at the moment, so finally the shoe is on the other foot, and their customers have them by the short hairs.
Real programmers use butterflies
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Hah, wrong country for that.
Not only do we get loadshedding so we don't have any electricity to pay for, the utility wants to up the rates because they have lost out on income due to non-supply, and are also proposing a fixed charge for solar power users !
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Sounds like some politicians have gotten too comfortable maybe.
Real programmers use butterflies
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Same issue here. I just rebooted and all was well. no biggie. still, should not have occurred.
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I had to uninstall my network devices and reinstall them. 
Real programmers use butterflies
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really? I didn't.
I just rebooted my machine. my internet routers and switches were fine.
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My actual physical devices were fine. But I had to - for example with my wifi widget - uninstall the drivers for the thing, unplug it (it's USB) and plug it back in before windows would use it properly.
Real programmers use butterflies
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honey the codewitch wrote: I had to uninstall my network devices and reinstall them
Ugh. I just read some article (linked to from CP's Daily News email, I believe) about some urgent fix in the TCP stack. As I'm writing this I have a number of machines waiting on me for a reboot. Now you have me worried. 
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Oh man.. That's probably what happened to me. It was all my network devices. Good luck!
Real programmers use butterflies
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What's a Windows update?
I've disabled mine so long ago I don't remember what they look like. 
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Marc Clifton wrote: What's a Windows update?
I've disabled mine so long ago I don't remember what they look like
I'm a long time fan of your contributions to CP Marc, and I have waaaay too much respect for you to send what would otherwise be a snarky response to that sort of statement.
I'm sure you have your security situation under control and are being smart about it. More power to you.
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I've never suffered anything this nasty. Maybe it's luck, but then again I probably have a much simpler setup than yours.
What has happened--more than once--is DNS query issues that totally turtled internet access. One of them had to do with an IPv6 setting. I had to search for solutions and don't even remember for sure if the fault lay with Microsoft. I also recall that another one was short-lived and was magically fixed by installing a pending update.
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My setup is a factory install of windows home edition with visual studio and VS code on it, plus a VM for running linux.
All my hardware is factory except the video card.
This machine was new as of the end of january - that's when i unboxed it.
Real programmers use butterflies
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Quote: that's when i unboxed it.
Well, there's your problem right there!
- I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
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